I know I said a few posts back that I wasn't going to take diet pills anymore but I've already binged and purged 2 times already and it's only lunchtime. Taking the pill is the only thing that stops my ravenous hunger in it's tracks. True it makes me feel like shit but that's the lesser of two evils at this point.
I'm going to see Mary in half an hour and that means the dreaded weigh in. The last time she weighed me I was down a bit but I have a feeling that won't be the case today. We shall see.
Had my second last dance practise last night, it really is coming together and I love my outfit, a1920'S black flapper dress complete with feather headband, boa and the mandatory cigarette holder (coz smoking is cool don't ya know)
So the group has got to know each other by this stage and we're all pretty comfortable around each other. That is apart from me. I feel like I'm socially handicapped these days. When I'm around a group of people I get all anxious and can't think of anything to say and usually end up saying something totally random and stupid. I find it especially hard around the girls as one of two subjects always come up. Weight and alcohol. Now I don't drink anymore (see alcohol and drug addiction age 18 - 23) so I really can't contribute to the 'how much did you drink at the weekend' conversation and people tend to interrogate me when I tell them I don't drink. Then there's the weight conversation. One girl told me she's trying to lose 10lbs. Cue me saying 'but you don't need to lose weight, your tiny'. I don't join in on the 'I need to lose weight' thing because it would just sound stupid because in their eyes I probably look like I don't need to lose weight. So yeah my social skills are pretty rusty, I usually think of something clever to say 10 minutes after the conversation has ended. Does that ever happen to you?
Yikes, I'm late, better go, wouldn't want to miss my weigh in.
Hope you are all well,
Lots of lovexxx