Thursday, 11 July 2013

Hot and Cold

The weather is hotting up in this part of the world
Apparently it is hotter here than it is in Spain
Very unusual for little old Ireland
If you've ever been here you will know that the weather is extremely unpredictable
If you are heading out for a day you need to be prepared for all kinds of weather
The sun could be shining one minute only for the heavens to open and rain upon you the next
It's best to prepare for every eventuality
Maybe wear something light but always, I repeat always have a rain coat and an umbrella handy
Odds are that at some point, most likely when you least expect, it will rain
And I'm not talking about the odd drop of rain
I'm talking about huge big fat rain drops that will soak you to the bone in seconds
They may or may not be accompanied by great gusts of wind that will ruin hair before you have time to get inside, leaving you looking like you've just stuck your finger in a plug socket
Snow in May and sunshine in February are not uncommon

So yes, for the last few days we have been sweltering in the heat
Everyone is stripped down to their bare essentials
Every second person is sporting angry red sunburn
I don't know what it is about this country but we don't seem to have grasped the fact that lying in the sun is dangerous and that sunburn is un attractive
But don't hold that against us, we rarely see the sun here so when we do we take full advantage of it
I think that we are so pale here that the thinking seems to be that blotchy red sunburn is better than no colour at all
I remember when I was in Australia back in January, I got sunburned after a day at the beach
I distinctly remember my sister telling me that I was 'wearing my ignorance on my body'
Nicely put I thought
But I have learned since then and I don't sit out in the full glare of the sun anymore

I actually don't like extreme heat
It saps my already dwindling energy reserves and it makes me restless
So I've been sitting in the shade and reading my book
My dogs are struggling too and take cover in the cool of the stone kitchen floor
I would much rather be too cold than too hot

In this country people get great mileage out of talking about the weather
It's a topic that is constantly spoken about day in, day out
In shops
With people you meet on the street
At watercoolers the country over
People bond over talking about the weather
Mostly they like to complain about it
If it's really cold they will compare stories about how their radiators are air locked or how much they are spending on oil to heat their house or how they almost died of hypothermia (ok I'm exaggerating now)
If it's hot people will pretend they are enjoying the good weather but in reality they are melting and won't
 mind telling you that they are sweating profusely
People try to out do each other with stories of how it was so cold that their wee froze before it hit the toilet bowl or it was so hot they had sunstroke
We are never happy

The thing I don't like about the summer is the fact that we have to wear less clothes
Well we don't have to but it's not very nice covering up and stewing in your own sweat
I was on my own today so I wore a pair of shorts and a boob tube top
But if I was going out I would only get my arms out
I much prefer Winter or Autumn and snuggling up in a nice baggy jumper and jeans
Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate this fine spell we are having but my ED doesn't
She tells me that I am too fat to expose my body
That people will snigger at me if I do
It's terrifying having your body on show
I feel so uncomfortable unless I am enveloped in layers of clothes
Yes, this weather is great and all but I'll gladly take back the rain and cold
I can handle rain and cold
I can't handle this heat

I absolutely hate sweating and try to avoid it if I can at all
Sweating reminds me of being sick
Of having no drugs and being strung out
Sweating is one of the first things that happen when you are sick
And not just little beads of sweat
Oh no
This is serious sweat that soaks your clothes and bed linen
Hot and cold
So ever since quitting drugs I've had a phobia against sweating
It reminds me of bad times

Come back rain, all is forgiven!

Do you like the heat?
Are you like me and hate wearing less clothes?


  1. hey Ruby!
    long time?! omg.. I hope you are ok.. and yes the heat is annoying :\ I miss the cold.. I miss wrapping up in loads of clothes and hiding my disgusting flesh. I am definitely too fat to be getting my body out in this..

    I totally know how you feel darling, but you are beautiful and you are lovely. Try to fight that ed voice..

    Lots of love as Always xx

  2. Rayya, my goodness it has been a long time!
    I hope you're ok too and not still battling in the war against yourself, you are worth so much more x

  3. I don't like either extreme... Cold weather makes me chilled to the bone, locked and aching joints, it's impossible to warm up. Hot weather is suffocating and leaves me susceptible to heatstroke. I'd be much happier if it were a constant 20-25*C year round!

    I'm a layers girl too, at the moment anyway. A lot of it is to prevent primarily myself, not others, from seeing my own body. I am constantly in baggy jumpers and track pants, dressing gowns, blankets over my knees. The less I see my body, the less triggered I feel to get rid of it.

    Much love Ruby dear <3

    1. Yes, Im the same Bella
      I don't do well with extremes but that's all we seem to get in country, freezing cold or roasting hot
      There is no in between

      Much love dearest x

  4. I think it really depends on the day for me. I know that I prefer summer to winter for sure. Ireland actually sounds like my state, minus constant rain. In fact, it snowed the first week of May! I just don't like sweating unless I'm at the gym and I get kind of anal about smelling. (I carry deodorant and body spray in my purse I get so paranoid.) That's the only down side to summer. The funny thing is that for someone with an ED, I sure don't like clothes. I despise jeans and I hate having to wrap up layers and layers. I prefer a beautiful and light sundress or my gym shorts and a tank. Barefoot and flip flops over boots, and I love the warm, summer evening breeze over snow. I get embarrassed to be in my bikini but I'll still do it because I like having a little tan. The winter is just so depressing and summer has that magic quality to it. Love, vacation, rest, life. I have always loved it. I'm an active person and I hate being cooped up in doors for long. Camping, running/walking, swimming, shooting, anything! Insecurities or not, it's summer all the way for me. :)

    1. The summer is actually growing on me
      I think that I am just so used to the cold that hot weather throws me a bit
      And I don't do well with change

      What state do you live in? x

  5. Lovely pictures! You are so beautiful, as are your puppies! The last picture reminds me of Colorado, my favorite state in the US. I'd love to see Ireland someday; my family talked about doing a Scotland/Ireland trip, since we're Scottish and Irish on my fathers side. It remains a conversation but I doubt the family trip will ever come to fruition.

    I do love the heat, and the summer. Though yes, I feel weak in the extreme heat often, and faint or come close to fainting more frequently than in the winter. But showing off my body is a day by day thing for me. If I ate a lot yesterday or the day before, I cannot wear anything tight or exposing. If I've been "good" (in my ED's eyes), I'm more likely to bare a little more. Tank tops are my favorite article of clothing. As self-conscience as I am, not just about my size but because of the horrible scars covering both my arms from years of cutting, I found that once I got my tattoos, I felt a lot better about showing off my body. They give me this surreal boost of confidence. I never wear shorts though. Plus I feel far more active in the summer, so many lovely things to do, parks and kayaking and the winter, I feel like a bear. Hybernating, not being active, and just getting fat.

    1. I actually feel better if I have a bit of a tan
      I feel less self conscious for some reason
      I am getting used to wearing less clothes and today I almost (almost but not quite) felt comfortable

      Oh if you ever do come to Ireland be sure to let me know x

  6. Ruby... I don't like the summer heat... we had a heat wave last week that was unbearable... Even though I am a big girl I don not mind going around with a tank top to keep cool... Sweating is not fun...

    1. No I hate sweating too Launna
      Today I felt so gross as I could feel the dampness under my arms

      Hope you are well x

  7. Maybe it is an Irish trait the effect the sun has on us. I was told once my last named ment pale faced one and I hate beeing too hot or ugh sweating! If I am not moving I should not sweat! I also prefer the shade my favorite thing in the summer use to be sitting in the woods near a stream under the shade. It was always cooler.
    A guy at work once asked why I always wear a jacket or blazer or hoodie even in the middle of the summer. What is the right answer?
    "Oh you noticed? I wear an extra layer because I feel like I look 6 months pregnant and I think wearing the extra layer hides it."
    Not exactly normal conversation at work. So I blame it on the unpredictable air conditioning/heat here in the hospital. You never know what the temp will be throughout the night.

    1. Oh I didn't know that you are Irish
      That's cool!

      I can be found in the shade too Josie
      I don't know how people sit out in the sun
      I would just melt x

  8. Ireland hotter than spain?

    No. No way. No FUCKING way!

    The daily weather change sounds as unpredictable as ours. Layering, woo.

    Dafuck? 'wearing my ignorance on my body'??!? /facepalm. Sunscreen next time, everybody mucks up and gets burned at the start of summer!

    I can't stand hot weather, it makes me sleepy too. Lets put hammocks in the shade and get cold beverages and talk shit.

    I like wearing less clothes, but hate how it's seen as an invitation to body comments (scars) and oogling and poking and grabbing. No, just no.

    LOVE YOU TONS RUBY-WOLF! *huggles*

    1. I hate when someone comments on my appearance
      They can't win
      If they say that I look well, I presume they mean fat
      If they say I look too thin, I'm offended
      I never comment on someone's weight or appearance as you just don't know how they're going to take it

      Hope you're ok and managed to get some sleep x

  9. Nice photos Ruby, remember factor 50 at all times ! X


    1. He he! I have learned though and I don't sit out in the full glare of the sun anymore

      Have you arrived?
      How goes it?

  10. I LOVE the heat. 28 degrees is probably my favourite. I go to the beach by my house and jump in the ice cold water then run back out onto my blanket in the sun. I don't turn the AC on in my smart car. I let the heat envelope me and allow beads of sweat to run down my body. Since gaining 35 pounds I am not as confident about wearing a bikini. But hey I have curves and I might even get bigger so why not celebrate the now? Obviously I don't have an ED. I was sexually abused as a child by my uncle and foster brother so my parents spent much of my childhood teaching me that my body is beautiful and it should be loved and respected. I have kept those learnings in my head. I wish I could share them with you but I know it won't fix anything. You're the only soldier that's going to get you out of this war. But I am here cheering you on from western Canada, ok?

    1. Yes, embrace your curves Vanessa
      I don't have any and I would love some
      It's very feminine and womanly
      Rock those curves girl! x

  11. Hi Ruby, I've read your blog but never have commented. I live in Texas and today it was 104 F. I'm way use to the heat so it doesn't bother me too much. Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that as a struggling anorexic and bulimic you are very strong. Also I watched my dad struggle with herion addiction, and probably witnessed too much, as I saw him try to detox without anything, and then relapse. He too is clean now, but I just wanted you to know because you are a true inspiration, as drug and eating disorder recovery is hard and you deal with both.

  12. Hey Amanda,

    Thanks for your comment and for being so honest
    You have been through a lot
    Heroin addiction is a living hell for the addict and everyone around them
    I'm glad your Dad is clean now though

    I hope you can find some peace of mind from your own struggles

    Feel free to email or comment anytime x


Thank you for leaving some love x