Friday, 13 September 2013

Will I ever?

It's early Saturday morning
I'm up before the sun
Following the problem with my bowel my doctor had put me on antibiotics in case there was an infection
I'm allergic to penicillin and a lot of other antibiotics but because I was in a bit if a state in with the doctor I forgot to mention that (and anyway, shouldn't he have that on file?)
I barely looked at the name of the tablets before taking them
Big mistake Ruby
I was to take 7  a day
3 of one and 4 of the other
Not long after taking my first dose I started to feel funny and a bit spaced out
I lay on the couch and waited for it to pass but I began to feel worse and worse
I dragged my weary self down to bed where I stayed for the next 36 hours
Only waking up every couple hours to crawl to the bathroom to throw up
There was nothing to throw up but that didn't stop my body trying
I woke up this morning feeling a hell of a lot better but still unable to eat

But before you feel sorry for me remember that all of my pains and aches this week were self inflicted
I made the choice to take the enemas which blocked my bowel
I failed to check the antibiotics
I basically fucked up
And the horrible thing is that it was my mother's birthday yesterday and I spent it in bed
I made her breakfast in bed this morning to make up for it

Will I ever learn?
Will I ever stop hurting myself?
Will I ever just give up being in self destruct mode?

Answers on a postcard please..........


  1. I still feel horrible for you, no matter how it all came about. Get well soon, love. <3

  2. You will Ruby, you will.
    You just need to keep walking... and next time might be the time you avoid the hole. xx

  3. Oh huni, I feel so bad for you - penicillin does that to me too! It's horrible.. I hope you're ok Hun, feel better? Maybe go back to the doctor and say the antibiotics aren't agreeing with you - they should really ask before prescribing or check your notes! You poor thing!

    Love you xx

  4. Awww poor Ruby :( I hope you feel a bit better soon. I still feel for you, regardless of the cause.

    He should definitely have allergies on file. The computer system my GP clinic uses automatically alerts them if they try to prescribe something you're allergic to, or something you've taken in the past.

    Sending lots of love and a massive hug. And thank you for your lovely comments, they're such a comfort. <3 xx

  5. Of course I still feel for you Ruby... I am still hoping you will get passed all this and yes... your doctor should know better about what you are allergic too :(

  6. Hun we're all in the same boat one way or the other. We don't intentionally do these things to ourselves. I feel very sorry for you dear Ruby. Hope you're feeling better really soon! Xxxx

  7. I want to come and make you cups of tea and bring hot water bottles and teach your dogs to chase a laser pointer to amuse you.

    Yeah, allergies should be on your file. You were in no fit state to remember!

    You're the only person who can answer those :/ I hope you can find one. Our stomachs should only hurt from laughing too much at comedians, not from torturing ourselves!

    take care of yourself as much as you can Ruby. Love you to bits <3

  8. Don't beat yourself up sweetie. It was an honest mistake. And yes, your doctor should have that on file. So it was his fuck up. I'm sorry you're having such a tough time this week. Let's hope for a better week to come. Lots of love.


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