Hi, I'm Ruby's Mum. She has asked me to write a post for her blog this week. Here goes!
Mondays is the subject I've chosen to write about. I've chosen to write about Mondays for a number of reasons, the main one being that it's the day that Ruby gets her medication.
Monday morning I like. I don't work so I drive in to town with Ruby and the dogs. Usually she hasn't slept well on Sunday night. Anticipation? Excitement? Restlessness? Anxiety? It could be due to any or all of the above. While she visits the doctor and pharmacist I take Lea and Honey for a walk on the beach. This I enjoy. I love watching the dogs uninhibited delight as they rub, bound and jump on the strand. Lea usually has a good swim. They just fling themselves at Ruby when she meets us. Such unconditional love and loyalty!
Ruby usually tells me how she has got on with the doctor. Often they seem to discuss matters totally unrelated to her 'chronic conditions' which is refreshing. She can be entertaining and engaging company, interesting and interested. She's also direct, honest and intelligent. Anyway she has her cocktail of meds so she's happy and content.
We arrive home, have tea. Suddenly I notice her eyes begin to droop. No! Please let it be just tiredness, not the meds. I hope and pray. But unfortunately she overtakes her medication. She falls asleep wherever she happens to be. Whether it's sitting at the computer or watching tv. The most worrying aspect of this scenario is that frequently, she has a cigarette in her hand. The rug in front of the fireplace is scored with burn marks. I she has a newspaper in front of her, that becomes pock-marked with holes. I become consumed with anxiety. I waken her, encourage her to lie down. But she insists on making more tea which inevitably gets spilt on the same poor rug. She becomes a different person, a person whose a danger to herself and a person with whom I can't reason.
So I begin to feel desperate. What should I do? How do I handle this situation? Do I ignore it and hope for the best? I don't know. Lately I have talked to her about how it makes me feel to see her like this. I'm reminded of her heroin using days and it makes me feel desperately sad and helpless. It makes me feel I'm losing control. It makes me grieve.
And at last I think, I hope that she's beginning to use her meds correctly. Last Monday was a good Monday. Ruby didn't lose her lovely bright personality. She was the Ruby I know and love so well. Please let it last.