Thursday, 23 October 2014


Apologies for the radio silence over the last couple of days
And for not replying to comments
I have been struggling a bit
To leave my ED behind
To face the day even though all I want to do is sleep forever
To see my ever changing reflection in the mirror
To face the possibility that my dog may be ill
To eat
To not purge
To be me
To be a good sister, friend and auntie
Not to use
Even though there is nothing more I would like to do than get out of my head
I had such a craving for a drink yesterday
I just wanted to feel that warm feeling in my stomach
To switch off my brain and my thoughts
To drink vodka and orange juice
And smoke my little head off

In other words
I want to escape
Just like the great Houdini
I want to escape
This life
This head
This body
This earth
This mind
This ED
This everything
Just for a little while

No one said that this was going to be easy
Nothing worth while never is
And it's ok to have a bad day
Or a bad few days
It's ok to feel like this
I'm human
I'm not perfect
I just need to hang in there
And I know what I need to do to help myself
That doesn't mean I will do it though

Wake me up when October ends......


  1. Re-discovered your blog. Im a recovering addict and if you ever need to talk, let me know. You can always vent to me <3

  2. It is an ongoing struggle....
    You have lived your live with so much addiction and ed behaviour and it took up most of your days I should guess. So I think it's normal that all of this is new and it takes getting used to and some days are ok and some are not..



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