Wednesday, 28 January 2015

I remember a few months ago
Saying to one of my friends 
That I wished I had some boy drama in my life
And I meant it
Well now I do have some boy drama in my life
And as fun and exciting as it all is
I am thoroughly confused
The last few days have gone something like this
I texted the boy
And invited him to call out the next day
As I thought I would have the house to myself
But it turned out that I didn't
So that idea was scratched 

We arranged to meet on Tuesday
After my counselling appointment
But then he texted that he had to work
So I headed home
And told him he could call out when he was done
Then he texted that he had a flat tyre
And could I go out to him
He the sent directions to his house
But I was feeling sleepy with my meds 
And didn't feel comfortable driving that far
So I was the last one to text
And to him to text me when he could meet up
That was last night
And I haven't heard from him since

I have to say
This is wrecking my head
The constant texting back and forth
The not knowing if he likes me
Or what he really wants
I was so tempted to send him a text asking him straight out if he likes me or what
I'm not sure if this is game playing
I hate game playing
I much rather someone would be honest with me
It saves so much time and energy

And the funny thing is
That I'm not even sure that I like this guy
And yet
I want him to like me
The rational part of me knows it's not a good idea to get involved with this guy
I know it could all end in tears
Every fibre of my being is telling me to stay away from him
Yet I feel strangely drawn to him
Why is that?
Is it because I want what I can't have?
Is it because he is a so called 'bad boy'?
Is it because he is the first guy that has featured in my life since I've started to recover?
I really don't know

As I have said before 
I am so rusty and out of practice as regards dating and matters of heart 
I feel like I teenager again
Trying to figure out if the boy likes me
Trying to figure out if I like him
Or if I like the idea of him
Reading his texts
Trying to read between the lines
Ay ay ay 

So ladies
My lovely ladies
I know some of you are in relationships
Some of you are married
And some of you are single like me 
I need your help
What do I do?
What should my next move be?
Do I text him again?
Or wait for him to get in touch with me?
My feeling is that I should wait for him to make the next move
But I could ge wrong

Damn this is so confusing 
I am so baffled people 


  1. Call him! Get him on the phone and talk about when to get together. You'll get a better feel for what he's thinking/feeling if you have him on the phone and hear how he reacts to the idea of meeting up.

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  3. Maybe i'm reading too much into this and he really is just a boy who you are attracted to but...Do you think it could be because he's from your past? You've said before that although you don't want to go back to that life, sometimes you crave it. Maybe subconsciously (maybe even a little consciously) you are trying to cling onto the old Ruby and this boy is a symbol of that. He is familiar and no matter how damaging, that life felt 'safe' You have come so far over the last year but it can be hard to completely let go of the past when the future is so uncertain xxx


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