Tuesday, 24 February 2015

Counselling appointment

So I had my first addiction counselling appointment yesterday afternoon
I wasn't expecting much
As I've had many such appointments over the years
And they never amount to much
Other than me sitting through them
And counting the minutes until the hour is up
But this was someone I've never seen before
A woman
Called Breda

I arrived for my appointment at 2pm
It was in the same place where I see my doctor
Who I ran in to in the hall
He's always very friendly
And says a big hello
I knocked on Breda's door
And she answered straight away
I followed her in
And sat down
I'd been referred from my doctor
So she knew very little about me
Other than I was on methadone and other meds
I explained a little about my history
Which is always a pain
But it has to be done
I also explained about my recent slip
I found her great
Really on the ball
She obviously has a lot of experience

She said that I have come a long way
And even though I have slipped
I have a lot of work done
She was very positive
And very encouraging
She asked me about my days
I told her that I don't have much structure 
Other than picking up my meds
And my dogs
She said it is important that I have a reason to get up in the morning
I couldn't agree more
She also mentioned Mary
And how she is back in get post as eating disorder specialist
She said she would contact her about seeing me again
I am super excited about that!

Breda is also referring me for holistic therapy
Like reflexology and reiki
As she thinks it can really help
I was delighted about this
And it will only cost me €5 per session
Which is amazing!
She also gave me a pros and cons list about my addiction
Encouraged me to stop thinking about meetings and to just go
She also recommended meditation and mindfulness

I came out of the appointment feeling really good 
She said that she doesn't new to see me every week
So I am seeing her again in two weeks
In the mean time I have a lot of work to do 

Breda was great
I had lost faith in addiction counsellors as the last couple I've had were really brutal
It was soul destroying sitting through a whole hour with them
So Breda was a breath of fresh air
I feel a bit more clear now
Of what I need to do to get back on track
And I feel I can do it
If I can just stay away from Thr Boy
Which is harder than you might think

So today is a new day
A day where I don't use 
I don't misuse my meds
I don't text The Boy
Or reply to his texts
I walk my dogs
I eat as well as I can
And i do everything I can to help myself
I am blessed to have amazing support
Even Breda said that I am in a very fortunate position 
I drive
I have my own car
My family are nothing but supportive
I have a safe place to live
I want for nothing

This a great chance for me to get back on track
And I will grab it with both hands 
I believe that there is a life for me beyond my addiction and my ED
There is a course I can do
A job I can succeed in
A boy that is right for me
All this is just there waiting for me
I just need to reach out and find it
My destiny is not to be drug addled and destitute 
Or to die at the hands of my ED
I know there is a better life that I'm meant to lead
A better road that I am meant to take
I don't know what that is yet
But I am sure that if I stay on track
It will all become clear
I just have to do the next right thing
And I will
Or at least I will try my level best
What is the alternative.........?


  1. Oh, I hate to be the busybody aunt... But I am glad you didn't answer his texts. Or maybe with a "nice to have seen you, but..." You are an adult and make your own decisions, but I am just so worried about the boy-situation :(

    1. I hate to worry you and others CP
      But I totally understand your concern
      I can't lie
      It's going to be hard
      But I have to do it
      And I appreciate your concern x

  2. this is great and sounds like you will getting the right support at just the right time,hope things will start to get a bit easier for you now. jo x

    1. Thanks Jo
      I hope so
      I do feel a bit better about the whole situation
      And thank you for your support x

  3. I'm glad things went well with the doctor and counselor. It sounds like you have a good plan to get back on track. I do think meetings are a good idea. I just know for me, I had pretty much eliminated all human contact from my life except the internet, my family, and a few dysfunctional friendships. Meetings helped me be around some people who were in recovery and a healthier state of mind. It's made a difference for sure. I was thinking maybe do it in steps if you have to? I used to drive by the building and look at it to make sure I knew where it was and where I could park. I think at least once I'd walked next door to a store just to make myself get out of the car. And honestly I left early for many of my first meetings. I'd wait until the meeting was ending, and then I'd leave before they prayed at the end to make sure nobody would have time to talk to me after. And really nobody has said anything about it.. I don't think anyone remembers me from that time. Some people also show up a few minutes late for the same reason and sit near the door, and nobody judges them for that. Being around healthy people made it easier to stay away from unhealthy friends (and spend less time alone with my unhealthy self)
    I'm glad you're getting more support. I know you can get past this slip. You're a strong person.

  4. Hi ruby...i have not been commenting much, but i read every single post...i'm so proud of you! You are such an inspiration to me. Each time i am tempted to slip, i read your posts and remember there are others like me also trying their best. You are wonderful and all the very best to you : )

  5. I am so very proud of you Ruby. Breda sounds great, I really hope she can help. It's exciting that she'll be able to get you back in contact with Mary! One day at a time.
    Always here for you my friend <3 xx


Thank you for leaving some love x