Saturday, 28 February 2015

Still standin'

The past week has been unimaginably hard 
So much has happened
And yet most of my family know nothing
So I am trying to save face for them
Using really threw me for a loop
And all I really learned is that I can't say no
And that I am still a greedy addict
The Boy has also confused me 
Wondering whether I  Iike him or not
Feeling strangely drawn to him
Anticipating his texts and calls
It's all very high school and hormonal
I now know that I can't see him
And I've accepted that
For now
Just knowing he wants to see me is enough

This is just a quick post to let you know that I am still here
I'm hurt
I've been stung
A good friend had left me feeling bruised and battered
It sucks because I really cared about this person
Even though they think I don't 
The whole situation had me wondering whether I am a bad person
Or a sick person 
Sometimes I feel like I leave a trail of destruction in my wake
And hurt everyone around me
But do I really have that power?
I don't know


  1. You can't be responsible for someone else's feelings. You are not a bad person! You are kind and wonderful.

    1. I don't know CP
      This person has really hurt me
      But insists that I hurt her
      I am so confused as to why she is doing this
      But thank you for your kind words x

  2. ruby you are not bad,you think more about other peoples feelings then most people i know.sometimes being sensitive is good but right now think you need grow thick skin and realise that it is their problem not yours.look at that face... not bad !! Jo xx

    1. I feel so raw Jo
      Myself and this friend had a nasty exchange through email
      I feel so sad that it turned out this way
      I still hope we can mend the friendship x

    2. was your friend there when you left,or is it it nothing to do with the drug thing? you don't have to answer just trying to understand whats upset you,don't want pry but here if can be any help jo x

  3. (L)

    Lost for words atm, but thinking of you.....

  4. Thoughts on the boy:
    Select Contact
    Block this Caller

    Thoughts on feeling hurt:
    Most people are not bad people. I don't for a moment believe you are a bad person. That doesn't mean you don't have the power to hurt others, whether intentional or not. I can't speak to which of you might be in the wrong here.

    Thoughts on the fallout:
    Using has consequences. You should not be shielded from those consequences. I try to handle gently because I don't believe it's my place to judge you, but you talk about needing a kick in the pants (I agree), and I hope you have gotten that as well as the positivity and encouragement about getting back on track.

    1. Tempest as ever you are the voice of common sense
      You make so much sense
      I am trying to get the boy out of my head
      I've decided to throw myself in to recovery
      Starting with talking to my doctor again tomorrow and a meeting on Tuesday
      I have to do this
      I just have to x

  5. Sweetie, taking baby steps are okay. You're not greedy. At least you're learning from your mistakes and stopping yourself from using now.
    It takes time to sort out feelings sometimes. And maybe the answer isn't a definite like or dislike? Maybe you like some qualities of him and not so much to other ones. I'm not sure who he is but if he is stopping you from recovery then having less contact may be beneficial. Although like I said I don't know who he is so take my advice with a grain of salt.
    You're not a bad person at all. Everyone has that power, but 9/10 times it's a misunderstanding. And if they think that you hurt them but you've tried explaining, leave it, for a while. It's not worth upsetting over.
    Take care of yourself dear.


  6. Hi Ruby,

    Whilst I can't comment on your using drugs in relation to the fallout with your friend (I haven't even smoked a cigarette at the grand old age of 23!), I do understand how rotten the fallout is, especially when you can't see any reason why it happened. I've recently been though something similar with a girl who used to be my best friend, and I was all set to be her bridgesmaid in two months' time. Then, just before Christmas, she turned on me and we've not spoken since. At first, naturally I was hurt and annoyed and didn't understand, but then I realised that I can't put my life on hold just because of one person. For whatever reason, my friend was/is bitter, and bitterness is very unattractive, so I decided to just leave her to it. It sounds harsh and mean but there comes a point when you just have to take stock of what you do have and run with it, otherwise your life isn't your own. My advice is to leave this girl to whatever is going on with her - either she'll come back and you'll be friends again or you'll stay apart for ever. In life people come and go, you can't win them all. L xxx

    1. Thank you L for this
      It really helped to read some one else's experience
      I just feel so confused as to why this happened
      But as it turns out my friend or ex friend is not entirely stable
      I guess I live and learn
      As with everything
      There's a valuable lesson here
      Why do I always seem to learn the hard way?



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