Tuesday, 31 March 2015

Her story

I was listening to the radio this morning
As I walked my dogs
I love listening to phone in and chat shows
There's something comforting about listening to others speak 
And not having to contribute
I usually listen to the same show every day
It's a phone in show, with all sorts of topics and guests
I can't walk without listening to something
Because I don't want to listen to my own head

This morning a girl called Ciara was interviewed 
The chat started out in a general way
And I wasn't sure about where it was going
Ciara spoke about when she was a child
And how she compared herself to others
And how she felt ugly
She was bullied as a child
And this confirmed all the negative beliefs she had about herself
I think I knew where this was heading
As it sounded very much like my own story 
As a teenager Ciara developed anorexia
She stopped eating
Or purged anything she did eat
And started exercising
Her family got her in to therapy
But she was totally resistant to it
Ciara described herself as a perfectionist
A stereo typical anorectic 

When age was a bit older
Ciara was admitted to John of Gods psychiatric hospital in Dublin
And did the eating disorder programme there 
Under Dr. Terence Larkin
My ears pricked up as I heard this
As this is the hospital I've been in many times
I had to laugh as I heard her comment that Dr. Larkin wore lovely socks
Because he did!

She described how she played the staff there
Toms them what they wanted to hear
But still maintained her disorder
She also described how she picked up tricks in hospital from the other girls
I am with Ciara in this one
Sometimes hospital can be like a school for EDs
You learn more about the disorder
Maybe how to purge
How to manipulate your weight
How to hide your disorder
Similar to a criminal going to prison and becoming a better criminal
Going to treatment can help you learn more about your disorder

This admission didn't work
And Ciara continued to starve and purge
She was then admitted to St. Patrick's hospital in Dublin
Where she completed the eating disorder programme there
I was also I this hospital
However my experience was not as positive as Ciaras 
This was the start of her recovery
Then her Grandad died 
And Ciara began to re evaluate her life
She began seeing a therapist in her home town
And described how she saved her life
She is now in recovery
She also writes a good blog over on Wordpress 
Which I had a look at

I loved listening to Ciaras story
It is similar to mine
And yet different 
She says herself that she is lucky to be alive 
I feel that way too
I was just talking with my addiction counsellor Breda yesterday
How I am so lucky to have made it out relatively unscathed
Considering what I have been through
I am not doing too badly 
Ciaras story is testament to how things can turn around for us
That there is always hope
And recovery is always possible
She described how recovery is not a destination
It's a process
We never arrive at recovery
We are always on a stage of it

I have no doubt that I was meant to hear this story today
I firmly believe that situations are put in our way to help us
We all have a story
And those of us with EDs and addiction have a very important story
I am hoping that through this blog
That my story resonates with someone
And helps them feel not so alone
My blog is not about telling people how to recover
Heck, I am only just figuring that out for myself
But my blog is as much for you as it is for me
I love to read honesty
And gear honesty at meetings 
When I hear honesty
It almost gives me permission to be honest to
And that in turn encourages others to be honest
It's s chain reaction

I am doing well at the moment
I met a good friend yesterday
Someone that I haven't seen in years
We went for tea
Had a great chat
And then got a meeting
Meetings are helping more than anything right now
I'm getting out
Meeting people
Talking to people
Making new friends
It's truly amazing how things can turn around

I am full of hope these days 
Not just for me
But for you too
Hearing Ciaras story today has done me the world of good 
It just goes to show
That if you surround yourself with positive people and things
Then that will rub off on you

Today is a good day 
Everything is exactly how it should
And I for one am glad to be alive 


  1. Ah, you deleted your clothes post? I was about to comment on it :P
    I prefer listening to podcasts, but they're pretty similar.
    It sounds like a good life story, I'm interested about it.
    I think it's wonderful that you're reuniting with old friends :) there's so much to talk about and catch up on. And new friends too, the more the merrier!
    And I am glad to hear that you are so positive.


  2. It's nice to hear you sounding so positive Ruby! And I love what you said about the journey. I have a tattoo going around my arm that says " the journey is the destination " and I firmly believe that I have to pay attention to how I am going and not just WHERE, not only have my eyes focused on the horizon, if you know what I mean. I can get so wrapped up in expectations and outcomes that I miss what is going on around me and within me. Anyhow I was glad to be reminded of that by you today. I've been having a rough time, in physical and spiritual pain. Thank you for your words.

  3. Yes your blog does help me!


Thank you for leaving some love x