Thursday 9 April 2015

Are you addicted?

Yesterday was the first time in forever that I missed a day posting 
I did try to
But the blogger app on my phone wasn't playing ball
So it didn't happen
But anyway
On to todays topic

I was at a meeting last night
It's my sisters home group
So I called in to her on the way
And we went together
It was an AA meeting
And there was quite a big crowd there
My friend was there 
The guy who has an ED
He slept through the whole meeting
But who am I to judge 
I've often done the same myself

There was a woman doing the top table 
And she shared her experience of addiction and recovery
I was delighted to see a woman doing it
As more often than not it is a man
And boy do men love to talk
Especially when they have a captive audience
I have seen men speak for a full hour when they are given the chance
So I was glad to get a female perspective

The speaker was great
I could identify a lot
She spoke about how she has other addictions too
I could really relate to that
After the meeting 
The woman told me a bit about herself
And mentioned that she had a shopping addiction
And that she had nearly gone bankrupt she was spending so much money
This sounded very familiar
It sounded just like me!

When I got home
I was thinking about how I think it's possible for me to get addicted to anything
I just have that type of personality
Where if I get a good feeling off of something
Or it numbs me 
Or gives me a buzz
Or it takes me out of my head
And away from myself
Then there is a good chance that I will go back for it again and again
Despite the destruction it causes

So we all know I was addicted to drink and drugs
And that I have an eating disorder
Very common addictions
But what else am I addicted to?
I remember doing a post on this back a couple of years ago
So this is an update on that
As my list has changed done

The number one offender has to be methadone 
I'm now ten years on a methadone programme
And I am well and truly addicted to it
Mentally 
Physically
Psychologically 
Every freakin' way
The first thing I do every morning is take my methadone
My life revolves around it
I have a routine of going to the doctor and pharmacy every Monday morning
And then collecting the methadone every few days
It has become such a big part of my life
Part of me
Of who I am 
It is being reduced though
Albeit very slowly
And I am putting up some resistance
It was reduced this week
Just by 2 mls
But it's still a big deal
Any change is a big deal

Then I have my other meds
Two anti depressants
And anti anxiety meds
I am pretty dependant on these too
Although they are not physically addictive
To me they are addictive
I would really miss them if I did not have them

One huge thing that has changed on my addiction list is cigarettes 
I was a confirmed and passionate smoker for almost twenty years
I loved smoking 
The first one of the morning was always my favourite
I was quite a heavy smoker
Thirty a day 
Which was costing me €100 a week
So last August
While I was away in London
On the morning of the 11th
At about 10 30am
I smoked my last one
And haven't had one since 
It's now been eight months 
And I haven't looked back
I am now officially 
A non smoker

But of course when I get one addiction under control
Another one always pops up
Cue shopping addiction
When I gave up smoking
I found that I had some extra money at the end of the week
But instead of saving it like a normal human being
I elected to spend it
Now it seems like when I get money in to my hand 
I feel compelled to spend it
It's only just out of the ATM
And I am handing it over in a shop
Or spending it in line
On line shopping has become quite the hobby for me
And I have to admit 
I get a great thrill out of it
Trawling the Internet for new clothes
Finding something that I just have to have
Clicking the 'Buy now' button
Getting the email that tells me my order has been successfully placed
Then the email to tell me that my order has been shipped
Oh the excitement of it all is too much!
Knowing that there is a parcel on its way to me
And then when it finally arrives
I am almost beside myself 
When the post man rings the door bell
And I open the door to a big juicy package
I sign for it
And take the package in to my arms
Cradling it like it is a new born baby
Then tearing in to it
To find the treasures inside
I take out the items
And my life now feels complete
Now that I have this shirt/skirt/scarf
I never need to shop again 
My wardrobe is also complete
But of course
That buzz wears off quite quickly
Soon the item you just couldn't live without 
Becomes just another piece of clothes
Like every other piece you own
That's when I'm drawn back in
And I find myself searching the Internet once more....

I their addictions which feature in my life to a greater or lesser extent are as followings
In no particular order
Tea
Hot sweet tea
If I am at home 
Then I have a cup of tea in my hand
I am constantly boiling the kettle 
And it drives my family nuts
I just love tea
It's warm 
it's comforting 
I used to enjoy a cup of tea and a smoke 
Now I just enjoy the tea
Over and over again

My phone
Since I got my first iPhone
( yes I was a latecomer to this world)
I am pretty much addicted to it
I used to look at my sister 
Who was constantly glued to her iPhone
And wonder what was so interesting
Now I know 
Now I know the wonder that is the phone
I am coverted

I tend to go through phases of being addicted to different foods
Right now it's white chocolate
More specifically Milkybars
I crave it the way I used to crave heroin
Honestly 
The craving is that strong
I have been known to drive miles out of my way to get my precious Milkybars
I remember a few years ago it used to be Drifter bars
One day before I learned to drive
I had my mother drive all over the place looking for these bars
Nothing else would do
I ate then like they were going out of fashion
And then they did
So I had to find something else to fixate on

Sweeteners
As many cups of tea I drink a day
I use three sweeteners in each cup
These don't be long adding up
And I'm sure they are bad for me
But since when did that stop me?

Tv
I am a tv addict
Especially food shows
Like Come dine with me
Masterchef
My kitchen rules
I also love a good box set 
Like Breaking Bad
The next one I'm going to watch is Better call Saul
Can't wait to get stuck in to that one

That's all I can think of right now
I guess it's enough 

I was wondering about you 
Are you addicted to anything?
Are you like me and have an addictive personality?
I'd love to know
Are you addicted?


6 comments:

  1. I get totally snowed in on certain foods, one after the other. Cherries, cashew nuts, quark, Granny Smith apples... And then one day I just stop and move on to the next one.

    And the shopping, omg... eBay is the devil's work!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm the very same CP
      It's like a switch in my brain
      I'm obsessed with one
      Then I move on to another

      I've never used eBay
      But maybe I should...... X

      Delete
  2. Hi Ruby,
    I'm addicted to tea, as well. Usually black, as I try to be vegan, but to me, it's best with a little cream or Half-and-Half. I'm also terribly addicted to reading. I must have a book in my hands at all times, even when I am in the tub, when I go out, even if there is no opportunity to read it. I read an average of three books a week. I don't watch TV, so it's my main source of escape.

    Small

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh that's a great one!
      I forgot to mention books
      I am an avid reader too x

      Delete
  3. think safe to say have addiction problems, everything from alcohol and energy drinks to exercise and special k. cleaning, smoking,dieting, watching certain stuff.making lists.you get the idea, am boring myself now! jo x oh and peanut butter, hoovering.. i could go on,[don't worry i won't.] baths,diet coke,notebooks..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He he
      You are so like me Jo
      I get hooked on things so easily
      But I guess it could be worse
      I could still be addicted to drugs
      Hope you are well Jo x

      Delete

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