Friday, 24 April 2015

The skinny of it

LIf we look back at weight over the years
And what was considered attractive
Like fashion
It goes through trends
Back in the 60's
Curves and shapes were very much in
Marilyn Monroe who was and still is considered one of the worlds most attractive women
Was a beautiful size 14
Then in the 90's
The rise of the super model took over
And models like Kate Moss 
Made heroin chic sexy
All over the run ways and magazines
Thin was in
Women flaunted their bones like trophies
Sharp cheek bones
And chiseled features were the flavour of the month
And then of course the phenomenon that is size zero
Became an international obsession
The skinnier the better
And that is still popular
But I think positive body image is something that is so important
I saw a show during the week 
Called Plus Sized Wars
It was about the rise and increased popularity of plus size models
Especially on the Internet
Girls like the model and blogger Tess Munster
Who is a size 24
And has a massive following on line

It's people like Tess
Who are bucking the trend of super skinny
And empowering women of all sizes to be proud and confident in their skin
Tess really is a beautiful looking girl
And I can see why she is in such high demand
And even though she is three times the size of an average model
She is still smokin' hit
She also sending out a positive message to young people
That beauty is not a clothes size
Or a number on a scale
It is so much more than that

This show was an eye opener for me
As I am one of the peoe who has been influenced by the media
And although the media did not cause my ED
It most definitely did not help
I used to look at photos of models
Long and lithe limbs
Flawless faces
An impossible standard to reach
But I still compared myself to them
And my confidence took a real battering
My own perception of what is attractive has also changed
I used to favour skinny 
The thinner the better
And there was no such thing as too skinny
I envied other girls 
But these other girls were usually a lot younger than me
It's a pain in the ass fact that as you get older 
Your body changes
You no longer have the lean frame you had when you were twenty
Your body developes curves and shapes
It's all part of being a woman
For some reason
It is really hard for me to call myself a woman
Because I swear I don't feel like a woman
And don't really look like one
Or dress like one
Or behave like one
In my mind I am still 22
But the fact is that I am a woman
A curved
Shapely woman
And I am beginning to accept that 

As I get older
I see that being attractive has very little to do with physical beauty
And more to do with confidence and personality
Beauty radiates from within
It comes out when we smile
When we laugh
I always find passion attractive
When someone talks about something they love
That can be really attractive
It's not about what a person wears
It's more about what they say
Their behaviour
Their openness
Their honesty
Their kindness
Their sense of humour
The way they treat others
What they believe
Their values
Their ability to laugh
And laugh at themselves
To see the positive in life
A hunger for life
For adventure i
There is so much more than a pretty face

My BMI has now settled at 19
Just about healthy
And surprisinglyHuuoi
I am ok with that
 I know that I am not overweight
Or underweight
I don't feel big or awkward the way I felt this time last year 
And that my friends is a freakin' revelation

I was wondering about you
What do you find attractive?
Do you think thin is still in?
I'd love to know......


  1. I'm glad there is some plus size mainstream reputation, but I don't think there will ever be actual mainstream body acceptance. I was just last night reading a Buzzfeed article about how plus sized women are often forced to shop online, and they did a photo session of two real women vs the catalog photo. It wasn't pretty. Also, plus size models (even Tess, though she is much larger than your typical "plus" 6-14) are almost always an exaggeration of the "ideal" thin body type - busty, small waist, flat stomach, ample hips, thin limbs. When I was heavy, I hated shopping in Lane Bryant because while their pants were nice, their shirts were all created for a woman with an enormous rack. It made me feel like my body was wrong (not that I needed any help with that).

    Mainstream representation is mostly about the companies who market to women, and a great percentage of marketing to women involves telling us what's wrong with us and how their product or clothing will fix it. I don't hold out much hope for true body positivity in that arena.

    The worst hurdle is the people who engage in body policing/fat shaming - people who think they have a right to say something nasty because they don't like a person's aesthetic, or who criticize under the (totally false, disgusting, shameful) guise of concern for an "obese" model's health.

    However, certain corners of Tumblr - and other places, I'm sure, if you know where to look - have much more body positivity and diversity. Girls with big tummies. Girls with little chests. Girls with big arms. Art and fashion and photography embracing the reality of our bodies without judgment. The best thing about that environment is that positivity is contagious. When you see bodies that look like yours represented in a positive way, you feel better about yourself.

    1. Wow, that was long! Sorry, I have a lot of thoughts on fashion, representation, weight stigma, and body image.

    2. Hey hun,

      You make a lot of really valid points
      I agree with you when you say the bodies of these girls is an exaggeration of the 'perfect' body type
      They are all in proportion
      And all have really pretty faces
      So that all helps make them look beautiful
      And also I worry about these girls health
      Yes it's great to have such body positivity
      But surely it can't be healthy to be beyond a certain weight
      Like a lot of things
      I think the key is balance
      Everything In moderation
      Including moderation

      I think as women
      We are all striving to look better
      And be better people
      Although maybe we should focus more on the latter

      Thanks for this my lovely
      You always get me thinking c

    3. You are absolutely wrong to think you can make assumptions about someone's health from their size.

      The entire talk is phenomenal, but go to 07:30 if you want to see a handy graph that shows that the risk of death is no greater for overweight and obese people who eat fruits & veggies, are active, don't smoke, and drink only in moderation (and any combo of those, as long as there is at least one healthy lifestyle factor). Almost any health issue can be addressed with those factors and improved even without losing weight.

      My point is also that openly criticizing someone's weight is uncalled for under any circumstance. Shaming people for their weight leads disordered behaviors like bingeing in solitude for fear of eating being judged. Nobody would ever have helped you by criticizing your body at your lower weights.

      As a person with a long-term habit of posting pictures of your underweight body and asking if you look thin enough to have an eating disorder (because you never believed you did - even when you were severely underweight), you view bodies through a distorted lens. It's not fair to judge others according to the weight you personally perceive as suitable.

    4. I don't know why you're having a go at me Tempest
      I know I used to go that with my photos
      But I haven't done it in a long time
      And that behaviour is all of the disorder

      I feel like you are attacking me
      And I don't like it

    5. All part of the disorder I meant

    6. It is not my intent to attack you, only to give you information, because when I said that body-shaming is a problem when people respond under the guise of concern for health, you replied "Yes it's great to have such body positivity
      But surely it can't be healthy to be beyond a certain weight." That is weight stigma and the evidence doesn't back it up. Body positivity shouldn't have a "but" then a reason it's still ok to criticize other people's bodies.

      I know you're feeling pretty raw about interpersonal dealings these days. I'm sorry you're feeling attacked, and as I said, it is not my intent. I disagree with you and I wanted to share a resource that shows a little bit of why. I think letting someone challenge your stereotypes is important for growth, but if you're in a place where disagreeing with you is too uncomfortable, I will respect that by keeping any dissent off your blog.

      I wish you the best, and I won't comment again.

    7. I don't want you to not comment Tempest
      You are right
      I am feeling really raw at the moment
      And am taking everything personally
      But I don't want you to stay away
      Not at all x

  2. do not worry! you look like a real, grown-up woman!

    1. Aw thank you
      I am trying to get used to calling myself a woman
      It still feels weird
      But I will get there x

  3. I have always, since childhood, known that I'm not pretty. Strangers have come up to me and kindly informed me of how ugly I am. My boyfriend says I'm beautiful, but he's weird, so I don't really listen to him.

    My dream is to win a ass-load of money and go to Venezuela and get totally redone.

  4. stupid thing is I'm not remotely bothered about peoples shape just can't bear my own body, but not just weight everything is just wrong and i don't think i have the personality to compensate.sorry am a right miserable cow at the moment, jo xx

  5. I really hate the media and I don't trust it. I say avoid. You will always be beautiful to people who love you and people you love will always be beautiful.

  6. in the 60s there were Edie and Twiggy. I think you should be careful writing about fashion or art history, when you do not know much about it. You know a lot about other things better stick to those, as you do that well.

    I am naturally skinny and i am frequently "shamed" for it, although I eat a lot. But skinny shaming seems socially accepted.

    I like your blog keep up the good work.


    1. Bianca are you completely bonkers or just ridiculously self centered?

    2. Bonkers? How old are you Shelby? 50? I am glad I checked this again, you are hilariously funny! Do you have a blog? I would love to read a little! You made me laugh, so much!

    3. There's no need to be nasty
      No need at all
      And I wasn't professing to be an expert in fashion history
      I was talking generally
      And my perception is my perception!

    4. This comment has been removed by the author.

    5. Ruby I'm sorry for interfering in your blog but I think it's strange (yes and bonkers) to tell someone on their own blog what they can and cant write.

      THEN they delve into the horrors of skinny shaming and how they themselves are pin thin and can eat whatever they want! On a blog chronicling an anorexia and addiction recovery journey!

      To Bianca I'm 28 turning 29. I didn't know certain words were off limits to me but thanks very much for letting me know. You yourself must be great fun to be around in real life.

    6. Shelby I didn't mean you
      My comment was directed at Bianca
      From your comments
      I know you are a good person x


Thank you for leaving some love x