Thursday, 23 April 2015

Appointment with Mary

Today was pretty busy
I was asked to open the lunch time meeting today
Which meant that I had to have the room open and ready
Provide tea, coffee and snacks
Mind the money
Put chairs out
And read the preamble

I have to admit
I was really nervous to do this 
And spent all day yesterday fretting about it
Which led to an epic binge/purge session 
That lasted all freakin' day
This morning I was a bit calmer
I had a job to do
And I was determined to do it well

I arrived at the meeting venue at about12 45pm
I arranged the chairs in a circle
Put the kettle on
And generally got the place ready
It felt good 
I felt like I was really part of things
And that I could be trusted to do this job
Another lady came then
And helped me 
One by one people trickled in to the room
And at about 1 05pm
I started to open the meeting
There was a lot of reading to be done
And I was anxious about that
But somehow o got through it
Without letting my anxiety get the better of me
When that was done 
I was the first to share
And we went around the room
Until everyone had shared

After we all said the serenity prayer at the end
I breathed a sigh of relief
I did it
I got through
It felt great

Then this afternoon 
I had an appointment to see Mary
I have seen her in about eight months
So I was really looking forward to seeing her
I settled in the waiting room
And soon I saw her friendly face PPP around the door
I followed her to the room
As soon as I walked in 
I saw the dreaded scales in the corner of the room
My heart skipped a beat
And I quickly looked away

We caught up for a few minutes
I filled her in on what has happened since I saw her
I told her that I am planning to do a course in September
But that I was very nervous about it
Mary told me a story about her going back to college in her forties and getting her degree
And now she is doing her masters
It was really inspiring to hear
She never ceases to amaze me

Mary reminded me of the first time I ever met her three years ago
She said I was so numb
So hopeless 
So battered by my ED
She compared them to now
And said I have come a long way
She sldo spoke about the ED conference that I spoke at two years ago
She said that people still tell her how my speech impacted them
That was so nice to hear

We decided that I would see Mary for eight sessions
And then reassess after that
It's great to have the support for my ED
And I feel like now is a critical time for me
I'm on the verge of being in recovery 
And I want it so badly

So all in all it was a good day
I'm now going to sit down with a hot cup of tea 
And relax......


  1. Congrats Rubs, I'm super duper proud and I know you can do it! Xo

  2. I met my councillor on Monday after two years I was anxious about seeing her since my life has changed so much my an has progressed and morphed. But it was a good experience I hope seeing mary is helpful to you too I feel stuck so that little support can be really useful xx

  3. think your brave to stand up and speak in front of people,not sure i could do sure mary was pleased to see you again too,she sounds lovely. jo x

  4. I love you, beautiful.

    I don't have many words now for you, but just know that I only wish good things to happen to you. i'm sorry it's been rough the past while, but you are better than the demons that are trying to bring you down.

    you are absolutely perfect the way you were meant to be.

    you are not a number to any of us. you are just Ruby.

    what a gem you are. what a song.

    -Sam Lupin

  5. So good to hear Mary's appointment finally came around. I'm really glad you've got her back, I was so worried for you when she left.
    And well done on opening the meeting! Very proud of you right now.

    Lots of love <3


Thank you for leaving some love x