When I will be the grand ol' age of 34
I have to remind myself a lot of the time what age I am
Because I really don't feel 34
I feel more like I am in my twenties
Probably because I lost my twenties to addiction and anorexia
So I don't really feel like I lived through them
They are really a blur
I didn't take advantage of my youth
I could have done so much
But I didn't
And I just have to live with that
No regrets though
Not one
Everything is exactly how it should be
I firmly believe that
The struggles I have been through
Have made me in to the person I am today
Every setback
Every bump in the road
Every slip and relapse
All happened for a reason
I wouldn't tAke back a minute of it
I was 31 when I started writing my blog
I remember being so embarrassed by my age
Because everyone else seemed so young
I felt like I shouldn't be here
That I was older
And therefore wise
But anorexia and bulimia don't discriminate
They attack people of any age
Sex
Creed
Background
Religion
I'm trying decide what to do for my birthday
My mums is the week after mine
So we will probably do something together
Last year we went for afternoon tea in a castle
Which was fun
But if like to do something different this year
Maybe go to Dublin or Cork for the night
We'll see
I haven't mentioned it here
But I am thinking of getting a tattoo or a piercing
I have neither
And would love to get something done
I had my eyebrow and belly button pierced when I was a teenager
And I have my ears pierced a few times
I've held off getting a tattoo for so long
As I just couldn't decide on one
I love wings on the shoulder blades
And I love the 1950s coquettish look
I don't want to make an impulsive decision
Like I do with so many things
As ever
I will keep you posted
In other news
I'm having a whopper of a bad body image day
I tried on a pair of leggings this morning
And promptly ripped off after looking in the mirror
So what to do on a bad body image day
Or a BBID as I like to call them
For me
When I'm feeling particularly large
I often body check
Inspect my arms
Or legs
Or tummy
I need to not do this
As it only feeds in to an already skewed body image
I should probably avoid mirrors too
And I guess recognising that it is a BBID
And what I'm seeing maybe through the lens of my eating disorder
Anyway
All I can do is damage limitation
Don a tracksuit
Ride it out
And wait for it to pass
It's a sad fact
That my self esteem
And self confidence
Is tied to my body image
When I feel that I look good
Or at least something approaching good
I feel more confident
I feel able and capable
But on a day like today
When all I can see are rolls of fat
I just want to hide under a blanket
Vast expanses of flesh
No shape or definition whatsoever
I'm kind of hoping that I do have body dysphoria
And that I don't really look like this
Maybe in real life I have the body of a dancer
But I just can't see it
I live in hope....
With all that said
I have some questions for you
Do you have any tattoos or piercings?
What are they?
Do you love them or regret them?
And also
What do you do on a bad body image day?
What helps you get through the day?
Inquiring minds wNt to know....
I love tattoos and would get new ones every week if I could afford it :)
ReplyDeleteI have a tongue piercing, a nose one, two ear plugs that I'm stretching and a third ear ring that I will keep as a normal one. When I get thin (oh how I want to be thin) I will get a belly button piercing. I have already bought jewellery :D
My body image... Well, I've got a full size mirror in the hallway and I try avoid it as much as possible. But, I am fat. You, on the other hand, are lovely :)
I would so love to see you CP
DeleteYou sound like you are s badass!!
I hear that tattoos are addictive
And knowing me
I would be so sucked in to
It's just that I gave a tendency to be impulsive
So I am taking my time with this one x
I'm over all that. I have a large tattoo of birds, (blackbird blue birds and a peacock) fruit (grapes and some berries/cherries and a vine. Its a nice artwork but honestly i wish i just painted it and hung it on a wall rather than mark myself permanently. I also had a nose and belly ring which I have removed. My belly ring got infected often.
ReplyDeleteTruthfully I was seeking identity at the time but there is nothing original about either really. I wanted to be a rebel, ironically to fit in to a sub culture.
As I work for corrective services I do not put anything on show. It isn't allowed and I don't give too much away.
All the inmates have tatts.
Every single one.
It puts me right off as sad to say, most are very stupid and truly believe if they could only have the right car/phone/tattoo life would be sweet. Sounds like ED! . I haven't thought about removal...maybe one day but it costs a lot and is time consuming.
Now I just focus on the Inside.
Shelby
I don't want to offend anyone with my story but as someone nearing 30 I think honesty is in order.
DeleteI think that's a great way to think Shelby
DeleteI know I am guilty of that sometimes
If I only had that jacket, skirt, coat
Then my life would be complete
It's an addiction just like any other
The chase
The high
The comedown
My big thing at the moment is Internet shopping
I'm buying so many clothes
Clothes that ii don't need
Why do I do it?
In the hope that I will be satisfied
But that hasn't happened
Yet.... X
I have my ears and belly button pierced and I have two tattoos. I don't regret any of them and haven't once thought of cover/ups or tattoo removal.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely look into designs and images you like and think hard about placement. Bad placement can ruin a good tattoo. Also try and find a reputable tattoo artist as there are so many dodgy ones.
The guy that did my last lot of ink was well known and had been tattooing for over 20 years.
Also, be prepared for pain, tattoos particularly on bone really hurt.
As for body image: I do avoid mirrors and I don't go clothes shopping. I'm not eating disordered, but some shopping mall mirrors make me feel like a whale so I don't try on clothes if I don't need to.
Thanks for the advice hun
DeleteThis is all good to know
I know a really good tattoo artist
And have seen her work on others
I have a fairly high pain threshold
So hopefully it will ge ok x
I have my first ears pierced (had that done numerous times as they always got infected when I was younger) had my nose done twice and got my belly done quite impulsively one day when I got leave from treatment.
ReplyDeleteI have the neda symbol and the word beautiful on my wrist (see dp). And I have one that takes up my shoulder blade of 8 (I think) butterflies up ink and the words "with wings I can fly" I'm also planning my next two the serotonin symbol (happiness) behind my ear and a dream catcher with the word warrior and the semi colomn on my ribs.
As for BBID I don't deal with them I hide from the mirror I hate on myself I either try to comfort eat or completley restrict and exercise I melt down and avoid the scales I wear the most horrendous clothes leave my hair unkempt just have no self dignity. Yeah I don't deal well.
What gets me through? Reading! And talking to friends :)
Good luck with all the decisions there's some exciting decisions to make. With the tattooVSpiercings maybe go for a piercing? At least then you can take it out you can't get rid of a tattoo (at least not as easily). I'm very impulsive my tattoos I decided merely days before getting them but I still love them both
Thanks babe
DeleteYes it is exciting
Looking forward to getting either a tattoo or piercing
Yours sound amazing
Would love to see photos x
BBID's are the worst. I get the ADHD BBID, where one minute I'm fine and the next I want to run to the nearest plastic surgeon for emergency liposuction. Then ten minutes later I forget about it until I pass a mirror or a window and start over. :/ I could never wear leggings. I only ever wear skirts--long flowy ones. They seem to be the best at keeping the BBID monster at bay.
ReplyDeleteTattoos are addictive. I'd be covered if I had the money. If you go that way, I would start with something small and simple, in a spot you can easily cover up (I got a little black spider on my arm). I was amazed at how little it hurts. The owl on my shoulder took nearly four hours and I slept through half of it.... Come at me with a needle to try and pierce my ears though and I'll probably faint. I might get another tat for my birthday (I'll be up to 5 then). Are you a September baby as well?
xo
Yes I am a September baby
DeleteAre you too?
And a Virgo?
I am the 7th
And my mum is the 13th
When are you? X
I'm the 21st, Virgo-Libra cusp apparently, a drunk psychic at the Renaissance Faire told me that, and said we are the Hannibal Lecters of the Zodiac. I was rather pleased with myself. ;)
DeleteYou are crazy. Let me just say Mich! :P I thought they all hurt! Gimme your pain tolerance!
DeleteHa Mich you are the best! X
Deleteno tattoos, but yes i have bbids sometimes. what helps? most of all, spending time with other people and feeling accepted for things that have nothing to do with my body. also trying to change thinking patterns to remember what really matters in life, and how much it matters NOT to get it confused with things that are easier to worry about (like my body). changing the thinking patterns is scary, but it is the thing one needs to do. no number on the scales, no curve or lack of curve will ever solve the problem if the problem is caring about those things in the first place. X
ReplyDeleteYes I totally agree
DeleteFinding out self worth in other things is essential
I know I hung my self worth on my weight for so long
But no one who cares about me does that
And I don't do that to others
Thank you for reminding me of this today x
got few ear piercings but only really wear the cartilage one all the time, no tattoo but my son has loads and i love them, all to do with where he's been and things that mean stuff to him though, not just random stuff. would get one if i was younger but think be a bit weird now plus i change my mind to much to commit to something so permanent, love jo xx
ReplyDeleteI'm the same Jo
DeleteI think it would be like wearing the same clothes every single day
You would get sick of them eventually
That's what stops me from getting one
Hope you are well x
also [sorry always think of it after] yes i agree with above nothing works as well as spending time with other people, it becomes irrelevant and i am normal for a magical time. unfortunately i have to go home and it lasts for a while.but i wake up and its back. plan on spending as much time as i can away and in company and hoping it will help. also nice hot baths, fake tan and comfy clothes help a bad feeling temporarily and then its often gone in a day or two.i find if i stop stressing about it goes away/ anyway x
DeleteI have many and I love them. I have my earlobes pierced four times, my conch, my rook twice, my septum, two nostril piercings, and four dermals on my chest. I have five tattoos. The one on my back I got when I was 18 and I'm going to turn it into something else so that's probably the only one I have any regret for. if you go to my most recent blog post I have a picture of my feet tattoos and my nose piercings. Take a gander. :) I think they are self expressions and when done tastefully, look fantastic. I'm a huge advocate for good body art. Oh, you asked what they are though. The back is some designs and my side piece is of flowers. The front of my ribs under my boob has the word meraki in Greek lettering. there it means to put yourself into everything you do. I love that. It was also verified in Greece so we know it's not Greek burgers or something lol. On the body image thing, of course. Everyone does. We're human. I just assume that that's the kind of day it is and then I do something for myself that is an active improvement like working out, hanging out with people that love me and I talk to people I care about and know that I can be candid with. Of course, it's not always a sure fire fix but that's okay because a day late I'm rocking my pokemon dress at the bar being flirty and myself. :) It's all temporary in the grand scheme of things. We can't always feel beautiful and amazing and I think that's good because we continue to strive. Head up. And get that tattoo or piercing if you want it! Take a lot of consideration for the tattoo and if you're on the fence then get a piercing. Those you can take out.
ReplyDeleteI just checked out your post Eve
DeleteLeft you a comment but I'll say it again
Damn girl you are smoking hot!
Like seriously
You are so pretty
Your eyes are amazing
I'm well jel over here x
Oh goodness, you are so sweet to me. Thank you so much. I happen to think you're beautiful as well and love your laid back surfer style! And thank you for reading! Just thanks for being you because you're amazing.
DeleteI'll have to remember to get a card in the post for you!
ReplyDeleteThat's right - you and your mum's birthdays are a week apart too! How could I forget.
I can relate to the time warp. Shit, even I feel a few years behind myself!
Piercings are a great way to celebrate if you ask me ;) I think a belly button piercing would suit you really well. Something to match your tan :P
I have... a lot. I love every one of them. No regrets at all, even though most of them were done in the space of a year and some were really impulsive.
8 total in my ears (including an industrial, rook and deep conch).
Two eyebrow piercings.
My vertical tongue surface piercing.
My lip piercing.
Plus one hiding under my tongue.
Two surface piercings on my nape.
Both nipples - vertical, not horizontal (sorry not sorry).
And my belly button.
(I used to have surface piercings on my hips too, but they just weren't sustainable)
<3
xxxx
I know you love your piercings Bella
DeleteI was just checking out places to get it done
And there is a good place about half an hour from here
I either going to get just under my bottom lip
Or my belly button
Or maybe both
Who knows
As ever
I will keep you posted my dear x