Sunday 13 September 2015

Weigh Me?

As you know
Mary discharged me this week
And from the mental health services 
It's kind of scary 
As Mary was always my go to woman in times of crisis
She was close enough to me 
So that I could tell her anything 
But she was also far away enough to give me impartial advice
I know that I still have my doctor
And Breda
But I still think there will be a Maru shaped hole in my life
For now anyway 

I always took my lead from Mary as regards weighing
When my weight was low
She weighed me every week
Sometimes twice a week 
And as I began to recover 
She only weighed me from time to time
And then I used weigh at home once a week
Of course I have my own scale at home 
So if I suddenly get an urge to weigh myself I can 
But now I am wondering how often I should weigh myself 
Now that I have no one to report to
It's something that I forget to ask Mary about 
But I have a sneaking suspicion that she would advise me to do it once a week
But part of me thinks that is too much 
As weighing at the moment 
Is not something that is bothering me 
I think as long as my clothes for me
Then I am doing ok
Although I know that my weight tends to fluctuate quite a. It

So I was wondering about you
If you have been discharged from treatment
Inpatient or outpatient
Or you are recovering 
Or you are regaining weight
Or are weight restored 
How often do you weigh?
How often do you think is healthy?
Dos it help you to weigh in recovery?
Or does it hinder you?
I'd love to know.....

11 comments:

  1. Since I decided to have a shot at recovery, I haven't weighed myself at all (so, for about 14 months). I have no desire to, I don't want my mood to plummet as I won't like the number anyway. I just don't see what good can come out of it. I'm kind of of the mind that if my hair is shiny, my nails are thick and my fitness is up to sctrach to the point where I can row for miles and mile and miles each week, then that's good enough for me. So long as I stay at a size 8-10 then I don't see any point in weighing.

    Hope that helps!

    Louisa xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It does help Louisa
      As most of the time
      I go by how I feel
      Rather than what the scales tells me
      And you are so right
      If everything else is healthy
      And our clothes fit
      There is not a reason to weigh
      I guess we know straight away
      If our weight is up or down a lot
      But if things are steady
      I see no reason to weigh either x

      Delete
  2. Good question, Ruby. Recovery is so different for everyone. Have you read Emily Troscianko's blogpost on how & why not to stop half way, and about how many former anorexics artificially keep themselves at a BMI below their natural set point? I think scales can lead one to feel that one has to keep it down, same with clothes sizes. I went up a lot at one point in recovery -- massively, massively much higher than I'd ever been before. But I wonder if that is just part of the "natural" overshoot phenomenon and if being somewhere further up the healthy BMI range is just right for some people. If one has been given a relatively low discharge weight (which is quite common practice) I wonder if scales (or indeed clothes sizes) can't make one feel like one has to stay something lower than one's own natural set point? I don't know. I go through different phases about weighing but I also recognise that how I *feel* about the weight is a bit different at different times. If it drops, which it rarely does, but if it does then I tend to feel guilty and put on weight on purpose, because it is important not to go back to those old ways. But as for the other end of things, that's harder, because one has to find what is truly natural for oneself....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for this comment
      It got me thinking
      My discharge weight from hospital was a BMI of 18
      And my weight was always around that anyway before I became ill
      But now
      Like you
      I think I have overshot my natural set point
      I'm still a healthy weight
      But my intake is not great at the moment
      As in eating crisps and chocolate a lot
      But I know I'm myself when I am and am not happy with my weight
      And weighing and clothes sizes can keep us in the frame of mind that we need to stay at a certain weight

      No I've never read that post
      Can you send me the address please? X

      Delete
    2. Hi Ruby, all Emily's blogposts are listed on her personal website here:
      http://www.troscianko.com/anorexia.htm
      They are listed in order of date published, the one I mentioned is 22 Feb 2014
      There is one on "To Weigh or not to Weigh" as well (14 May 2015)
      In general they are excellent posts and she does reply to comments... One of her many insights is that dieting is simply not compatible with full recovery after an eating disorder...
      All very best, and good luck, and stay strong. :)

      Delete
  3. Rubly,
    You're one of the Fiercest women on the planet, [actually Über-fierce, {aka 'FIERS’ in Jils-ese}];

    Darling, FIERS don't 'translate' in stones: It just IS-!

    <3 Jils ((Huggles))

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ruby, I miss you all so much, and I need blogger in my life right now. Please email me and we can chat. I am thinking about creating an incognito blog but I would love to talk. Love you lots!
    Xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ruby, I miss you all so much, and I need blogger in my life right now. Please email me and we can chat. I am thinking about creating an incognito blog but I would love to talk. Love you lots!
    Xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  6. Whilst in treatment I have had the blind weighs and I've had my psychiatrist whose a leader in his field over hear urge me to know. For me I prefer to know if I stop weighing for a while and see a huge jump it terrifies me. The longest I can go without weighing is about a week. Unless I go away and then it's longer. In my bad times I weigh myself 14 times a day! It's ridiculous but it's an obsession that allows me to continue on with the day. If I go away for a long period of time or don't look at my weights in treatment or don't have access to scales for a while I plan when and where and how I can weigh next (I've done it in supermarkets on the dial ones or I've packed mine and stripped naked in my friends laundry, our backyard, the middle of our city-in a toilet- and my favourite, a McDonalds rest room! It makes me laugh every time) but by not having access or choosing not to let the number weigh me down (pun intended) it is cathartic and I become scared of weighing of being caught in the trap once more. It's really a personal preference I like it both ways but I can never have an in the middle, you just need to figure out what works best for you if you think a week is too often and your comfortable maybe try every two weeks or y'know what don't even say I'll weigh this week weigh spontaneously when curiosity gets the cat. It's such an amazing feeling to not be tethered to a scale and have it dictate your self worth, what you wear, what you do, who you see or what you eat.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Have you thought about asking Breda or your doctor to weigh you? I know it's not the same, simply because they don't respond the same way, but it might be better than breaking out the scales at home.
    I honestly have no idea what's normal. I'd say monthly would be a reasonable time (for me) to keep track while not getting too obsessive, but I know some normies never weigh themselves, and others do it multiple times a day (like one of the GPs at my clinic!). I guess it varies for everyone.

    <3
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  8. Personally, when I was discharged from hospital I was weighed once a week at home (with my mum). I reckon that's the absolute MAXIMUM frequency to be weighed...but to be honest, I think this was too much. If you're weight stable (consistently maintaining your weight within a kg or two) then there's no need to weigh yourself that much at all really! I think getting blind-weighed is a good idea if you're worried about it. I always had a huge fear that if I didn't know my weight, I'd just keep gaining and gaining, so I got my mum to weigh me blind and she would only tell me if my weight increased or decreased twice in a row outside of my 2kg "maintaining range," if that makes sense?

    To be fair, everyone is different. I had friends from hospital who weighed themselves once a month, others never, others weekly...it just depends on what works for you and what feels more comfortable. For me, I've recently realized that knowing my weight just makes things more difficult so I'm trialing blind-weighing...and it seems to be working pretty well so I'd definitely recommend it! All I would say, is that if you're maintaining your weight, daily or twice-weekly weigh-ins are not a good idea...they'll just mess with your head and there's just no need for it! Save yourself the anxiety!

    Good luck, much love x

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for leaving some love x