Sunday, 22 November 2015

Not Backing Down

Apologies for not replying to comments yesterday
I just didn't have the energy
The last few days have been exhausting 
And it's taken a toll
I really let those negative comments get to me 
My mood suffered 
My family noticed 
They kept telling me to shake it off
But being as hyper sensitive as I am
It took me a while
I want to thank all of you for your kind words and thoughtful comments over the last week
Knowing that you are there makes this whole blogging experience worthwhile 
But I'm done defending myself 
Especially against faceless, nameless anonymous comments 
I guess it all points to the fact that my self esteem and self worth are not in a great place
And I need to work on that 
As they say in AA
Recovery happens sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly
It's not something that can be measured
But it's definitely something to look at
But look
These problems are small fry compared to some 
You may think I have an easy life anonymous
But you only see a fraction of my life 
I don't write about my family
And the issues going on there 
I have much that I don't write about 
So please 
Don't judge me
You have no right to 

So I'm not backing down
I'm not going to leave blogger
It means too much to me 
You mean too much to me 
And for what it's worth 
I'm not giving up on recovery either
And am trying my best to get back on track
I have lost weight 
But I am doing everything in my power to put the brakes on
It's not easy 
Once my ED is given half a chance 
It jumps in to drivers seat
And takes over the whole show 
Let's hope this is a slip more than a relapse 

Some of you pointed out that blogging the way I do is like a job 
I've always thought that 
Blogging is something I do at the same time every day
In the same place
Often I have to research something before I write about it 
And I reply to comments which also takes time 
It's not a paid job 
But I get something so much more than money from writing this blog 
I do it because I love it
Because I hope it helps others 
Because I feel compelled to share my story and experiences 
In the hope that it will go some way to fight the battle against eating disorders 
I'm here to stay 
Even if anonymous would rather I go and cry in the corner 
I guess the thing is not to react to these comments 
It only gives them power
I'm not prepared to do that any more 
And interestingly 
Anonymous did not comment on my last post 

That's it from me today 
This is the last time I write about this subject
I am done defending myself 
I'm off to walk my dogs 
And spend a lazy Sunday 
Yes anonymous 
What a lazy, unemployed waste of space I am.....


  1. :) :) XOXOXOXOXOXOXO!!! You are a beautiful inspiration! Fuck those fucks.

    When I'm having a 'I need to be strong' moment, I always sing this Eminem verse in my head (cuz he's the king of fucken the haters)
    "And all of this controversy circles me
    And it seems like the media immediately
    Points a finger at me...
    So I point one back at 'em, but not the index or pinkie
    Or the ring or the thumb, it's the one you put up
    When you don't give a fuck, when you won't just put up
    With the bullshit they pull, 'cause they full of shit too"

    I'm sorry I swear so much on your blog :) Xo

    1. ^^^^ Fat Piggy has been on point these last few posts.

    2. Ha Piggy!!
      Love it, love it, love it!!
      I'm gonna write that down and learn it off down pat!

      I'm feeling stronger
      And it's thanks to you and the beautiful ladies here
      So thank you
      Your support means more than you know x

  2. Haters gonna hate, potatoes gonna potate.

    I think I'm actually one of the rare few who disabled anon comments a looong time ago. To me, it wasn't so much caving, as it was "fuck you, I don't need this bullshit". I got angry. They just aren't worth the time or energy.

    I'm glad to see you're sticking around. The blogosphere wouldn't be the same without you.


    1. Thanks Bells
      It means a lot
      And it seems anonymous has done a vanishing act
      Hmmm interesting me thinks....

      Hope you're doing ok my love x

  3. I'm glad you're not leaving. The hostile anons are usually just miserable boobies who feel the need to make other people just as miserable. And sadly the more popular you are, the more mean anons you'll attract. Feck the lot of them.

    1. Here here Mich!
      And I love your word of the 'feck' word
      I use it daily
      As sometimes no other word will do

      Thanks for being a friend over the last few days x

  4. Thank you for staying. You are an important part of this community, Ruby. We need your voice.


  5. Good to know you care that much about my comments! And amazing how easy it is to have an impact on you!

    Love you too,
    one anon of many


Thank you for leaving some love x