Not Backing Down

Apologies for not replying to comments yesterday

I just didn't have the energy

The last few days have been exhausting 

And it's taken a toll

Stupidly 

I really let those negative comments get to me 

My mood suffered 

My family noticed 

They kept telling me to shake it off

But being as hyper sensitive as I am

It took me a while

I want to thank all of you for your kind words and thoughtful comments over the last week

Knowing that you are there makes this whole blogging experience worthwhile 

But I'm done defending myself 

Especially against faceless, nameless anonymous comments 

I guess it all points to the fact that my self esteem and self worth are not in a great place

And I need to work on that 

As they say in AA

Recovery happens sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly

It's not something that can be measured

But it's definitely something to look at

But look

These problems are small fry compared to some 

You may think I have an easy life anonymous

But you only see a fraction of my life 

I don't write about my family

And the issues going on there 

I have much that I don't write about 

So please 

Don't judge me

You have no right to 

So I'm not backing down

I'm not going to leave blogger

It means too much to me 

You mean too much to me 

And for what it's worth 

I'm not giving up on recovery either

And am trying my best to get back on track

Yes 

I have lost weight 

But I am doing everything in my power to put the brakes on

It's not easy 

Once my ED is given half a chance 

It jumps in to drivers seat

And takes over the whole show 

Let's hope this is a slip more than a relapse 

Some of you pointed out that blogging the way I do is like a job 

I've always thought that 

Blogging is something I do at the same time every day

In the same place

Often I have to research something before I write about it 

And I reply to comments which also takes time 

Granted 

It's not a paid job 

But I get something so much more than money from writing this blog 

I do it because I love it

Because I hope it helps others 

Because I feel compelled to share my story and experiences 

In the hope that it will go some way to fight the battle against eating disorders 

So

I'm here to stay 

Even if anonymous would rather I go and cry in the corner 

I guess the thing is not to react to these comments 

It only gives them power

I'm not prepared to do that any more 

And interestingly 

Anonymous did not comment on my last post 

Anyway 

That's it from me today 

This is the last time I write about this subject

I am done defending myself 

I'm off to walk my dogs 

And spend a lazy Sunday 

Yes anonymous 

What a lazy, unemployed waste of space I am.....