Outside

A few months ago

I saw a photo on Facebook

It was of an old woman

With a quote beside it

I can't remember the quote exactly

But the essence of her message has stayed with me ever since 

And that message was

If you just go outside wonderful things can 

You never know who you might meet

What might happen 

If you just step outside your front door 

The possibilities are endless

For a long time

I used to get up before dawn

At 6am

Sometimes 5am

To get everything done early

To walk my dogs 

Do my shopping 

Which was usually binge food

And when I saw I did my shopping 

I mean that I stole my shopping 

It's hard to imagine being in thdt place now 

I can't fathom stealing anything now 

But back then 

I was in a dark place

So yes

I got up early 

To avoid people 

To avoid having to talk to Anyone 

To avoid life 

Back then 

I usually arrived home before 9am

And depending on the day

I would either spend the day drinking

Or abusing prescription drugs

Or bingeing and purging 

It was a relentless attack on my self 

I stayed in my living room all day

Watching TV

Zoning in and out of consciousness 

Sleeping my life away 

Today 

My life is different

Now I don't make myself get up so early 

I get up at about 8am

I do t go crazy trying to get everything done

I take my time 

Walk the dogs 

Do my bits and pieces 

Go in to town 

Meet a friend 

Live my life

Today is a great example of how going outside is good for the soul

Honey has a sore paw, poor love

So myself and Lea headed out in the car

We parked in the village 

And walked down to the wooded area beside the woods

There we met a woman with a beautiful little shitzu 

We spoke for a few minutes 

About our dogs 

Until Lea barked and wanted to go

Having a dog is a great way to meet people I find 

I love talking about my dogs

And I love talking to people about their dogs 

Yesterday I was down at the lake

And when I got back to my car

Someone had left a packet of dog treats under the wiper of my car

How nice was that!

After our walk 

I decided to go for a swim

I've recently started going back swimming

I stopped going when the weather got really bad last year

And once you stop going 

It's hard to go back

But with my sisters help

I started back last week

And am thoroughly enjoying it again 

While in the pool

I met a woman who I used to meet last year

We had a lovely chat 

About anything and everything

After 100 lengths 

I left the pool feeling great

Squeaky clean

Like I had done a really good work out 

I came home 

Had my breakfast 

And felt like I really earned it

This is just a small example 

Of how if you go outside 

Wonderful things can happen

Often times 

The biggest battle I have 

Is getting off the couch

And out the front door 

But once I am out 

I am always glad I made the effort 

Whether it's going for a walk 

Or going to a meeting 

Or meeting a friend 

It's always worth it 

I know it can be tempting 

To stay in doors 

Especially during these cold months 

But if you go outside 

Even just in to town 

Or the local shop

You never know what might happen 

Or who you might meet 

It's the same with writing this blog

Because I put myself out there 

In a very public way

Amazing things have happened since I started writing this blog 

The best of all being that I have made the best of friends 

I have a feeling at the moment

That good things are on the way

Got so long

I had this horrible sense of impending doom

I felt like something awful was going to happen

And it often did

But for me and my family

Things are beginning to turn around 

As you know 

My family has had more than its fair share of trouble and stress

I grew up in an unhappy home 

With a horrible atmosphere 

And addiction 

I lost my way for a long time 

And at one point 

Four out of six of my family were in active addiction

I can not describe to you how miserable those years were

But now 

The four of us are in recovery 

And I can't remember a time when things were better

My family are closer than ever

Even though my parents are separated 

We still all meet up regularly 

And my Dad often stays here 

When my Mum was working

My parents used to swap houses during the week

A strange concept I know

But it worked for them

I am so grateful that my family is now on the mend 

And in a good place 

God knows we have been through the wars 

Now we get on

We laugh 

We meet up regularly 

We support each other 

And love each other through the ups and downs of life 

As my Mum often says 

Given what we have been through 

We are not doing too badly 

Again

I feel grateful today 

For my life 

My family 

My dogs 

My friends 

I feel so blessed to have been through addiction and mental illness 

And made it out the other side relatively unscathed 

I get on with every member of my family 

And have never been so close to them

Even though I live with my Mum

It feels more like I share a house with her 

Rather than like living with a parent 

I love living with my Mum

We get on so well

And enjoy each other's company

Then there is Honey and Lea

The light of my life 

They bring so much life and energy and fun to our house 

They are getting older now 

They are both ten

But they are still as lively as ever 

And I love them to the stars and back

So today 

I urge you to go outside 

If you are struggling 

If your mental or physical health is not great 

If you are battling mental illness or addiction

If you feel depressed

Anxious 

Or even suicidal 

If you are afraid 

Afraid of others 

Of life 

Of yourself 

If you feel trapped 

Like there is no way out 

Like you are struggling 

Drowning 

Falling apart

Breaking in to pieces 

If you don't like yourself 

Hate yourself in fact 

If you just want to hide away in your house 

If life has beaten you down 

And you feel like you want to give up

Please 

Go outside 

For for a walk 

Talk to a stranger

Smile at someone 

Acknowledge someone 

You never know what might happen

Who you might end up speaking to

Wonderful things can happen 

If you just make the effort to get out there 

Out in the world 

With others 

You never know what might happen

Do it

Do it today 

It will be worth it

I promise you.....