Friday, 18 December 2015

Home sweet home

I'm home 
Praise the Lord I am home
I was discharged yesterday at lunch time
My doctor came in the early morning
And told me that my bloods were almost back to normal
And I would be discharged that day
It was welcome news
Hospital life is fine for a while
But there's no place like home

All things were pointing to my being discharged 
I was allowed to eat a low fat diet
I was taken off the drip
I had no pain
And was generally feeling a lot better
And of course 
Hospitals don't tend to keep you one minute more than necessary 
I packed up my little bag
Got dressed for the first time in almost a week 
And made sure to have a little chat with all the ladies before I went
They were especially nice on my ward
Ladies in for all kind of things from kidney stones to bladder problems 
We all bonded over cups of tea
And really looked out for each other 
I wished them all luck
Then went to the day room to wait to be formally discharged 
I was barely out of my bed before it was filled 
In fact there was a girl in the day room waiting for my bed 
They don't mess around in hospitals do they?
My Dad arrived to pick me up
And we continued to wait to speak with doctor and get my prescription
Even though I was feeling better
I still wasn't back to myself 
And was incredibly tired
I had to fight sleep sitting with my dad 

Eventually the doctor came
And spoke to both of us 
He explained that they thought the pancreatitis was as a result of being on my meds for so long
Exacerbated by my ED
And to stay well I needed to watch my diet 
Take it easy 
And maybe try and come off some of the meds 
We thanked the doctor
And made our way home 

There was a flurry of activity when I arrived home
The two workmen who did our kitchen were there 
And they gave me a racous welcome home
And of course Honey and Lea went beserk 
I've havent seen Honey move so fast since she was a puppy 
There were so many people in the house 
They didn't know who to go to first 
After sitting with them for a while 
I went and unpacked my bag 
And changed in to my pjs
And retreated to the couch with a cozy blanket 
Where I promptly fell asleep for the evening 

The rents thought that when I woke up was a good time to tackle me about my lifestyle 
I make no secret of the fact that I lead a very unhealthy life style
My food is nothing short of atrocious
I purge 
I don't get enough vitamins and minerals 
More often than not I am dehydrated 
And basically I am like a grown up child 
I eat what I want 
When I want 
And don't take my health in to consideration one jot
Heck, I only gave up smoking because of the inflated price of them
Not because of my health
I guess when you don't like yourself very much 
You don't really care about the health of your body 
You don't care if you live or die 
It makes no difference to me
But I really need to start taking proper care of myself
No more crisps
No more chocolate 
No more eating what I want 
And definitely no purging 
Which is going to be the toughest part I just know it 
I've also decided to stop weighing 
My scale is not that reliable 
But weighing yourself everyday
And recording it
Can not be healthy right?
I don't need a scale to tell me I've lost weight
I just need to look in the mirror to see that 
I'll just take it day by day 

I had no appointment with my doctor this morning 
But I rocked up and 9am anyway
And he saw me pretty quickly which I was grateful for 
I got my prescription
And headed to the chemist 
Where I am as I type this

This week has been a bit of an eye opener 
Change has to happen if I want to live 
And I do 
I really do 
As I always say 
Baby steps all the way


  1. I'm glad you're home and that you are feeling better. You need to take care of yourself (yeah, looks who's talking).

    1. It's so good to be home CP
      Back in my own bed
      I have to admit
      I am finding it hard not to eat junk food
      But I've accepted that I can't
      Today I had toast for breakfast
      And soup for lunch
      And I ate at the table
      That is unheard of for me!!

      Did you get my card yet? X

  2. I'm glad you're home and feeling a bit better.

    I know recovery is obviously different for everyone, but I don't think any good will ever come of frequent weighing. I know for me, I'll probably never weigh myself again for the rest of my life. Think about why you want to know the number on the scale. If it's for any reason other than health (as in making sure you're NOT losing weight, or losing weight only if you're overweight), then it probably won't help your recovery. The number on the scale will have power over you for as long as you look at it. If you don't look at it, you take away that power and in doing so, you take away some of the power the ED has over your thoughts.

    Good luck with giving up junk food. It's really hard for the first few weeks, but after you get into the rhythm of a healthier diet, you probably won't even crave it any more. I'm at the point where more than one biscuit or piece of candy actually makes me feel queasy...

    Wishing you good health, and a happy Christmas! <3

    1. Thanks Mich
      Today has been the first day of my new and improved diet
      And so far so good
      I went food shopping this morning
      And all I could see were foods that I can't eat
      But if I want to stay well
      I have to do this

      Wishing you and yours a very happy and peaceful Christmas x

  3. SO glad you want to live, love; life wouldn't be the same s you. (worse cm to worse, even if you DIDN'T wish to live, surely the prospect of such pain again is enough to dissuade you-?? you hv a high threshold, but remember you thought you wouldnt mk it hm!!
    …& the sheer HORROR of no tea for days on end-??! D: + >.<)

    On a Great note, hw abso FIERS the relief, rugging up on your beloved couch getting the 1er decent kip in seems like EVer(-!!) under watchful eye of your loyal babies & fam-?!? Srsly, 'gd times-!' ^_^

    [GLAD you got rest, dear]

    Très relieved you are tkg this incident none the lightly! & that you've resolved to chg.

    Act, after awhile you may not miss chocolate--I was addicted to the stuff but rock-bottomed on it in 2006 [23 May]… never looked bk from then, only 'ceptin' to realise another anniv when it pops up-!! ; ) don't neivah feel deprived, just honestly no longer care to kno-!! the sm may happen for You…

    AW tk gd [no,GREAT-!!] care, & realise we all love you so much-!!!

    NEVER doubt it, & that's an 0RDER, Miss Rubly…-!! >; ) Please DON'T be a rebel here, despite piercings etal.… :D
    <3 so much, et ((Huggles)); Jils

    1. Aw thanks Jils
      For your kind words
      And continued support
      It means more than you know

      I wish you a very safe and merry Christmas x

    2. Oh, Hun.….
      We're mates, Non-?!
      I shall ALWAYS support you;
      you're part of my heart's fabric by now

      AW, Happy Christ-Más to you & yours + BLESSINGS

      PS from b4: gd on ya, sittin' @ the table : O lk a grownup!?
      (lol, JILS ndsta do this!) ; )

  4. so glad you are home, please try to take care of yourself i know how hard that is, millie xx

    1. Me too Millie
      And so glad you can still comment
      Take care
      And stay in touch x

  5. That must have been nice to come home to.

    Are you still on olanzapine? You will have to think seriously about getting off that. Personally i don't think you need it.can make pancreatitis more common.



  6. For about 6 months after my miscarriage, I went totally nuts on all things healthful, organic, pesticide free, paraben/preservative free, meat had to be nitrite free or I wouldn't touch it..
    I was like a crazy lady, trying all kinds of vitamins and minerals and concoctions.. I think I was trying to single handedly repair all the damage that I'd done to my body, that had possibly caused me to miscarry :( then about a month ago, I started to ease up on all the lotions and potions and excessive OC's over what my food has in it (although I still think it's good to keep a watchful eye on what's in our foods.. But baby steps ;) lol).

    ...there comes a day that we will regret the damage we did to ourselves,. Some of it is irreparable, but usually, most can be *slowly* (like painstakingly slowly) repaired..

    You're on the right path, I know that you can stay on it. And you'll stop craving those junk foods, I promise. You'll actually start to crave the good stuff, fruits, veggies etc..

    You might feel a bit crappy from the withdrawal of all the junk food, but it'll pass, don't let that make you cave! You will feel SO much better after..

    I'm here if you need an ear x always have been (my imsg is the same ;) I tried to msg you a few times over the past couple years, but I figured your number had changed).

    Love always x


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