Monday

Just like Sunday is the day of rest

Monday is the day of the doctor

I rose while it was still dark

Stumbled to the kitchen 

Where Honey and Lea greeted me

I must have got up at some point in the night

And let them in to the kitchen 

Although I have no memory of doing so 

It's like Lea knows it's Monday morning

As she is always rearing to go

Honey was less keen to venture outside

And had to be coaxed in to the car

I drove slowly to town

As were experiencing the tail end of storm Desmond at the moment 

There is much flooding and damage done in the area 

My neighbours whole patio blew away this weekend 

We arrived at the doctors safely 

And my mum went to walk the dogs

While I went to the surgery

I was called in the minute I sat down

I was also planning to tell my doctor about my food issues at the moment 

We talked about the storm for a few minutes 

Then I broached the subject of my ED

He weighed me 

And checked his computer for my weight records 

But the only weights he had recorded was when I was really under weight

And the last weight he recorded was under 40 kilos

He obviously stopped recording my weight when I began to recover 

So he had nothing to reference from

But by my calculations 

I've lost 14 pounds since the incident with the navy jeans 

My doctor to me he would keep an eye on it 

But the was no need to worry yet

Then he said that he has a patient in treatment 

And their goal weight was the same as my current weight

Way to make me feel like my problems matter 

I then went and collected my meds in the pharmacy 

And headed back down to the surgery to see Breda 

I haven't seen her in over a month

So there was much to catch up on

I brought her up to speed on everything

My meds 

The methadone reduction 

Meetings

I also told her about my struggling with food

How the purging has increased 

And my weight headed south 

She asked me what had triggered this

And all I could think of 

Was the day I tried on my navy trousers 

And couldn't fasten them 

Breda is great

The best addiction counsellor that I've ever seen

She always has good common sense

And practical advice 

She encouraged me to ring Mary again

And maybe get some top up sessions to get me back on track

So I will give Mary a ring today

And hopefully will be able to see her this side of Christmas 

My weight is now on the very low side of healthy 

And is still dropping rapidly 

I know if I don't do something soon

That I will be I deep trouble 

I can't afford to lose any more 

Breda also asked me how I am spending my days 

I gave her an idea 

She told me that it is really important that I have an occupation

A reason to get up in the morning 

To mix with others 

And push out of my comfort zone 

She makes a lot of sense with this 

I'm really not doing a whole lot at the moment 

Outside of taking care of my dogs

And writing my blog 

Breda said thdt I am too young to be sitting at home on my laurels 

I need to get out and about 

Socialise 

Do new things

And things that I enjoy 

She is really on the ball in this regard 

My life is very limited at the moment

I dont see a lot of people outside of my family 

I also don't go out a whole lot

And when I do

I am always anxious to get home

Breda also asked about meetings 

And if I was attending 

Unfortunately 

I haven't been going 

Breda said that all I have to do is go once or twice a week

And I don't have to speak if I don't want to

And I guess I don't 

Knowing that I don't have to speak does lessen the anxiety 

So I hope to go back soon

As for me 

 I'm trying desperately to hang on to my recovery 

What's left of it 

Every day it's a battle

But it's one thdt I refuse to lose