Saturday, 16 January 2016

And then she stopped giving a s**t....

Hello friends 
Country men
Hello also to my haters 
Who even though have a huge problem with me
Still take the time to read and comment 
And generally put a lot of time and effort in to trying to upset me 
Funny that....

You might have noticed 
That I didn't post yesterday
Unusual for me
But I just had to take 24 hours away from blogger 
After the nastiness that ensued on Thursday
I swear it makes no sense 
Usually anonymous writers 
Have a go at me
And when I defend myself 
I'm accused of not being able to deal with constructive criticism 
I just can't win 
No matter what I do 
And I know, I know
I shouldn't feed the trolls
I just couldn't help myself though 
My defenses go straight up
And it's hard not to react
I know I'm making light of it here now
But I really felt attacked 
Not just me 
But my life 
My actions 
My lack of action
My family 
I really thought hard about how much I am putting out there
And was almost at the point where I wanted to stop writing 
As with a lot of things 
Time passes
And things settle down
They always do
For every negative commenter 
There are 100 positive ones 
Just like the emails I got this morning
They override any bit of nastiness

In other business
I have some really exciting news to share with you 
I was in my local shop the other day
I always read the notice board there
Things for sale 
When something caught my eye
A charity called St. Vincent de Paul had some jobs available 
I read through the notice 
A part time position
18 -24 hours per week
Working in their assisted living accommodation
It's like a nursing home 
Except the residents are quite well
And can mange mostly on their own with a little help from staff
The duties involve companionship of the residents 
Light house work
And catering duties
The minute I read it through I got excited 
It's exactly what I want 
Part time 
No pressure 
No stress
I took a photo copy of the notice
And headed home

The minute I got home
I went to a quiet room
And phoned the number
I got through to a very pleasant lady 
Who told me all about the job
The closing date for application is next Wednesday 
So she said I could pop in today to get an application form
Which I did this morning 
The house itself is lovely and calm
With classical music playing
And a lovely serene feeling 
I spoke to one of the girls working there 
Collected my application
And went on my way

I looked over the application just now
It's very straight forward 
And I think with some help
I can make a good case for myself 
I have a variety of work experience 
From dance teacher to bank worker 
I also have experience working with the elderly 
As I helped a lot with my grandad when he was alive
I also help my elderly neighbour 
I walk her dog 
Do shopping and errands for her
And help her with day to day things during the week 
So I'm hoping I have a good shot at this job 
I just feel excited when I think about it
To be part of the working world 
To have an occupation
And one that really helps people
The work is evenings 
So it wouldn't effect my daily routine with Honey and Lea 
It seems like it would fit so well in to my life 
God I hope I'm not getting my hopes up too much 

My sister is great 
She's helping me sell myself 
And really put my best foot forward 
She says that I can say I am a free lance writer at the moment
And I guess I can say that 
As I have been published a few times recently 
Play to your strengths and all that 
It's also motivation to stay well and healthy 
God knows I won't be able to hold down a job if I am underweight and ill

So you guys 
I'm really going to go for it 
And give it my best shot 
I just have a feeling that this is meant for me 
You know?
Wish me luck 
And as ever 
I will keep you posted.....


  1. ohh this is so fabulous! CONGRATULATIONS on making this move it is so hard! so proud! they will be happy to have you! BTW I left a long comment on your last post hope I did not say anything wrong, please let me know if it was ok?

    It seems everything is getting better for both of us! well done Ruby!!!


    1. Thank you Josefine so much

      And yes
      I did see your comment
      I am so freakin proud of you girl
      You clean
      Off methadone
      And life on your your terms
      So well done to you
      And I am so glad that my blog helped you
      That is exactly why I write
      Now you are free
      To work
      To study
      To travel
      To love
      To do anything you want
      I am so excited for you Hun
      I really mean that
      And your comment came right at a time when I was feeling so low
      So thank you for helping to cheer me up

      Do keep in touch
      And let me know what you get up to
      I am so looking forward to reading about your adventures
      If you wNt to email me
      I am at
      I'd love to hear from you

      Take care
      And go get em!!! X

    2. and you go get THEM! So proud that you applied! you did the most important thing now, the first step!!!

      Ruby I hope someone of your nasty anons reads this; it would have been so easy for you to lie and fake some kind of occupation or being silent about the methadone here, but your are open and honest! and precisely THIS helped me a lot. (we started reducing it earlier last autumn/winter, had some other meds first but the new doctor was really into a fast process, he also consulted an anaesthetist. But its early days, and i better not tell you all the nasty stuff that came with it...)

      But to all the anons: whatever Ruby does or does not she is HONEST about what mental illness ED and addiction do to people! You cannot simply decide to go out meet people and work, like you are so scared and so f'd up - you had a successful days when you survived. and if she would not have told it like it is, she would have never helped me the way she did!!

      take care, ruby, good luck and i might shoot you an email soon


    3. Aw thank you so much Josefine
      Your words mean so much
      And really solidify in my mind who I blog and write the way I do
      It just goes to show
      Once we are determined and focused
      We can put our minds to anything
      I feel super proud of you Hun
      And you inspire me to go get em too
      Your energy and spirit shine out of your words today
      And that is awe inspiring

      Do keep in touch
      I'd love to know what you get up to
      Live your dreams
      You deserve a beautiful life x

    4. Absolutely agreed... Your honesty was refreshing. There is no need to be ashamed of your struggles. If you hadn't of been honest, I would have thought I was totally alone in my addiction.. Many people have ED's, some even aspire to, I was relieved to know that I wasn't alone, it saddened me, but I finally had someone who was fighting alongside me. I applaud you and thank you for your honesty. I haven't read that post yet, and I'm kind of afraid to, bc I might just have to go all gung ho on those haters! And it seems to have blown over now, so I don't want to drag anything back up.. but I want you to know that I'm another person that your writing and story and honesty has touched. I think about you often, even when I'm not around on blogger.. So thank you. You are an inspiration to me x

  2. Greetings!

    Look at the bright side of things! Those criticisms did jolt you into doing something good. :) I personally believe that achieving entails both positive and negative reinforcements.

    I wish you well in your endeavors!

    1. Thank you Tanya
      I appreciate your well wishes
      And yes
      I guess you are right
      It does take both negative and positive feedback to achieve x

  3. Slowly getting off Blogger and the virtual world in general might be a good idea. Perhaps it will make you focus more in building your new life in the real world. When I was recovering from anorexia years ago I did the same. Staying away from the Internet made me focus more on getting better, mending broken relationships especiallu with myself and forming new ones. And so I also matured due to the experiences I found unusual for me. However I kept a personal journal where I vent out almost every other day. Absolutely therapeutic!

    1. Hi Claire,

      I think you make a good point
      The virtual world is not substitute for real life
      It can be addictional support
      But we need more than that as human beings
      I know I need to build a real life for myself
      With relationships and occupations
      I'm hoping this job will work out
      And I start to reintegrate myself back in to society
      It's both thrilling and terrifying
      But super exciting
      Thanks for your comment x

  4. Replies
    1. And remember the best advice I ever heard from Game of Thrones: if you waste your time trying to get everyone to love you, you'll end up the most popular dead man in town. There will always be those who try to tear you down. That is the time to lean on those who support you and lift you up. As long as we always lift each other, we will not fall to the ground when we need to lean on someone.

  5. That's so exciting!! Sending you all the luck!

    So proud of you!

  6. That's so exciting!! Sending you all the luck!

    So proud of you!

    1. Thank you Hun
      I appreciate it

      Hope you are doing ok x

  7. Sounds like a great job for you, hope you get it <3


  8. Hey! Guess what! My very first job ever was in an assisted living facility, doing pretty much the same thing as what you described! It was so awesome, I still have great memories of working there. And still friend with a few of my co-workers to this day! The residents were very sweet, and it felt like I had tons of Grandmas and Grandpas all of a sudden (which was nice as all but one of my actual grandparents had passed away, and my living grandma was 2000 miles away). I really hope you get it!!!! Fingers crossed.
    And as for the haters... well.... chuck it in the f*ck it bucket. You can't please everyone (no one can!) but definitely the people who love and value you outnumber the people who don't. I've received some exceedingly hateful comments on my blog before. But I've received waaaaay more nice comments than that. So I try to keep it in perspective....


Thank you for leaving some love x