Thursday, 19 May 2016

Dublin

Apologies for not replying to yesterday's comments 
The blogger app on my phone is playing up
And it won't let me in to my dashboard 
I could read the comments in my emails 
But I couldn't reply 
So sorry about that 
Thank you though
I really appreciated your thoughts on the subject of body image 
It's a tricky one 
Regaining the weight 
And everything that comes with that 
Fear 
Anxiety 
Uncertainty
The comments from others 
It's not easy 
And then comes the transition
From underweight to healthy weight
And when you have a distorted and skewed body image 
That can be quite traumatic 
I guess body image is a fluid thing 
I know I can feel ok in my skin sometimes 
And I don't feel big 
But there are other times when I feel so negatively about my body 
That I can barely function
Today for instance 
I feel quite good about how I look 
And when I say that 
I mean I don't want to tear the flesh off myself with my bare hands 
But yesterday 
I was in Dublin with my Dad
And I felt so uncomfortable in my skin 
So awkward and not myself at all
It's a horrible feeling 
To feel such distain against your own body 
I just have to remember to go by how I feel
Rather than my clothes size 
It's not easy 
But it's the only way that works 

In other news 
I travelled to Dublin yesterday with my Dad 
He had an appointment with a consultant neurologist 
As he seems to be having great difficulty with his hands 
He has lost a lot of power in them 
The muscle is wasting away
And it seems to be spreading up his arms 
I had an early start
And was up at 5am
I drive the half hour in to town u
Then walked 15mins to the train station
To catch the 7am train 
I met my Dad in his home town 
And he joined me on the train at about 8 15am
We arrived in Dublin at 10 am
The hospital is in the north side of the city 
So we quickly found our bus stop 
And headed off 
The bus stopped right outside the hospital
We found the right place 
And settled down to wait
Thankfully 
It wasn't a long wait
And my Dad was in and out in about hAlf an hour
Because we were finished so early 
We decided to try and make the lunch time train home
I was eager to get out of the city 
As it was there that I did a lot of my using 
And everywhere I look
I see old haunts and placed I used to frequent 
We cut it pretty fine 
But we made the 1pm train
And I was back home by 5 pm
Dad has to go back up to Dublin for tests 
So there might be another trip on the horizon
I don't mind going with him though
He often did it for me

I also got some exciting news yesterday 
My blog was voted one of the best eating disorder blogs of 2016 by Healthline
If you check out their website you will see all the blogs 
They are all worth a visit 
This is the fourth year in a row that my blog has been included in Healthlines top blogs 
And it is truly an honour 
I am so happy to know that my blog is making a difference 
That it's going in some small way to help fight the battle against EDs and addiction
I remember writing not too long ago 
That items a sad fact that my virtual life was more exciting than my real life 
I had nothing in my real life 
No purpose 
No reason for being 
I had my family and my dogs 
And that is amazing 
But I needed more 
And now that need is being met 
I feel so grateful to be in a good place now 
I just wish I could break off a piece of what I hAve 
And give it to you 
I want to share with everyone what I have found out 
That there is a life beyond EDs and addiction
There is hope 
And there is so much more to life 
We don't have to suffer 
There is a way out 
For a long time I didn't believe that
But now I know differently 
Life is to be enjoyed 
Not endured 
Same goes for recovery 
I am so glad to be moving on
Growing up 
It's a miracle 
My Miracle
And I promise you it's there for you too
You just have to take that first leap of faith
Do it
You won't regret it 
Not even a tiny bit 

5 comments:

  1. I hope they can figure out what's up with your dad and fix it.

    Congrats on the best blog!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm not shocked that your blog was voted into the best of the best. :) You offer so much hope, even through your ups and downs. I didn't read yesterday's post until today, but am stopping by to comment on it in a minute.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Congrats, my dear. Not a surprise at all that you made it a fourth year in a row!

    xx

    ReplyDelete

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  5. Anorexia can be very difficult to overcome. But with treatment, you can gain a better sense of who you are, return to

    healthier eating habits and reverse some of anorexia's serious complications. But its not impossible to cure it. We give to

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    Anorexia
    . Just try it. Take care.

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