Saturday, 29 October 2016

Week 2

It seems since starting my course 
That I'm only posting once a week
I'm just so very tired during the week
That when I get home 
I don't have the energy to do anything 
But anyway 
I made it through week 2
Which I must admit 
Was a lot tougher than week 1
The other new girl who started with me hasn't come back 
She was offered a job 
So I guess she took that 
I think I already mentioned 
That we spend three days in the classroom 
Two days of doing our portfolios 
And one day of horsemanship theory 
Then we spend two days in the stables 
It's one extreme to another 
The classroom is laid back 
No pressure 
And the stables is hard physical work 
It's go go go
On a Thursday we get a bus out to the stables 
And gather in the classroom to go over some stuff 
Our tutors name is Grainne 
And she is one hardy buck 
She pulls no punches 
And takes no shit 
Truth be told 
I'm just a little bit afraid of her 
Our other tutors name is Joanna
And I swear 
Only for her 
I don't think I would have got through this week
Where as Grainne is tough and hard on us 
Joanna is kind and super encouraging 
It's a kind of good cop, bad cop I guess 
After the classroom 
We head to the stables to muck out 
We find a wheel barrow 
A pitch fork and a brush 
And literally clean all the droppings and old hay and anything that's damp or wet 
Let me tell you 
It's not easy 
Once your barrow is full
You wheel it around to the dung heap 
But even wheeling it is hard work 
And boy do I struggle 
You go to the very edge of the heap 
And tip the barrow over 
Emptying the contents over 
This also is not easy 
Having done that 
You go back to where the saw dust is 
Fill your barrow 
Wheel it back to the stable
And tip it in for new bedding 
Then you brush it out 
And job done 
This week I've mostly been cleaning out Blue 
A real pet 
Once you have mucked out 
And presuming that you have any energy left 
You are assigned a horse 
And it's time to groom and tack him up 
I get a grooming kit 
Put a head collar on the horse 
And tie him up 
I brush him down 
And pick out the dirt in his hooves 
I actually enjoy this part 
As you feel a connection with the horse 
I talk to them 
And it's just very enjoyable 
Grooming done 
It's time to tack him up
I get Blues bridal and his saddle 
The bridal goes on first 
Then the saddle 
It's actually the equipment that I have been really struggling with 
I look at a bridal 
And all I see is a pile of leather straps and buckles 
It makes no sense to me at all
This is where Joanna is a great help 
As well as being very nice 
She is also a great teacher 
With endless patience 
I get the bridal on 
And the saddle 
Before I know it 
It's time for our first lesson 
On Thursday 
There were five of us in the lesson
I lead Blue in 
Adjust my stirrups and my girth 
I'm looking for the block to mount Blue 
But one of the girls encourages me to mount him without it 
I'm doubtful I can do it 
But I try 
And I do it!!
I feel so happy that I actually did it!
The lessons here are much different to the horse therapy I was doing 
I'm these lessons we get no breaks 
It's straight in to a trot 
And it's action stations for the whole hour 
Little jumps 
Jumping position 
It's tough going 
You would think that sitting on a horse is easy peasy 
But make no mistake 
It's is a workout riding a horse 
Your legs 
You arms 
Your core 
They are all engaged and working hard
My buddy Blue is quite lazy 
He cuts corners 
Although that's my fault for letting him
He is a devil to get going 
And when he comes to a jump he stops dead and literally steps over it
But I still love him 
He looked after me well
After our first lesson 
We intact the horses 
Groom them again 
And put their rugs on 
The Grainne brought us in to the tack room 
And we had to take apart 
And put back together a bridal 
Boy did I struggle 
But with help I got it done 
I was totally confused though 
I know I wouldn't be able to go that again 
After that 
It was lunch time 
Do we headed upstairs to relax for a hour 
Last week 
I bought a thermos flask 
So I can have hot tea all day 
What a great buy it was 
During lunch I began to struggle 
Our group in small 
But there are some really big personalities 
And I really don't feel like I am fitting in 
I feel like I am an outsider 
And yes 
I know I'm still very new 
And these people all know each other a lot longer 
I have really made an effort to talk to them 
But during lunch on Thursday 
I felt so left out 
That I could feel tears stinging my eyes 
I texted my Mam
And she texted me back such a lovely text that I had to fight back the tears 
I just wanted to go home 
And the day felt endless 
After lunch 
We groomed and tacked the horses again 
And had our second lesson 
Holy shit did I struggle 
I literally had no puff left in me 
Everything hurt 
And Blue was hard work bless him
There were time when I thought I was going to have to stop 
But I pushed through 
And got through the lesson 
Then we untracked the horses 
And gave them a quick groom 
I swear I was so glad to see the end of that day 
I got the bus home 
Stinking of horse shit 
I got home 
And I was in serious agony from all my exertions 
My legs were seriously sore 
I lay on the couch with a hot water bottle trying to get comfortable 
And went to bed early 

I have to admit I was dreading the day 
I got in to town early 
And was so very tempted to ring in sick
I just couldn't face another day of hard work and feeling left out of the group 
But I figured that I only had a half day 
And I would probably regret it if I didn't go in
We arrived to the stables 
Gathered in the classroom 
And Grainne had a test waiting for us 
I actually surprised myself with how much I had learned in the past two weeks 
And I didn't do half bad
Then it was time to muck out 
And tack 
I was assigned a different horse today 
A beautiful boy called Arrow
Who was a it bigger than Blue 
I felt a bit more comfortable and confident with the tack today 
I'm slowly but surely getting the hang of it 
We headed in to the arena 
And again 
I managed to mount Arrow without the block 
I can't tell you how good it feels to do that 
I felt like a proper horse rider 
Straight away 
Arrow felt quicker 
And more forward than Blue
He felt great though 
When it was my turn to trot on my own 
I obviously gave Arrow too much of a kick 
And he shot off in to a canter 
I loved it!
It was a real buzz
But I guess I learned that I don't need to be so hard kicking him on
Again though 
I struggled to get through the lesson 
And felt so exhausted 
It eventually came to an end 
I untacked Arrow 
And gave him another quick groom 
And put his rug on 
Then we practised doing tail bandages on the horses tail 
Which you do when the horse is travelling 
Before I knew it 
It was lunch time 
And the day was over 
I can't tell you how relieved I was to finish this week 
I also have Monday off 
So I have an extra day to recharge my batteries 
We got the bus back in to town 
And I met my Mam 
Before heading home 
I was literally sweating bullets 
So the first thing I did when I got home was have a hot shower 
To wash off what was a really tough week 
Then I had to go to the doctor and collect my meds 

I must admit 
This week I really had to ask myself the question 
Is this for me?
Am I enjoying this?
And what are my options after the course?
I'm 35 
Am I starting off too late?
Am I doing the wrong thing?
I spoke to my Mam
And she made the point that I lost a lot of years to addiction and my ED
I have had to work my ass off to get t the point where most people start off
And also the physicality of the work is kicking my ass
My body is still recovering 
And I'm not as strong as the others 
I know that I am losing weight 
I can feel it 
And it's not they I'm trying 
It's that I am going do much hard work 
So I know I need to be careful 
As if I continue to lose weight 
I'll never be able to do this course 
But look 
I had a tough couple of days 
An the fact that I don't feel part of the group is getting to me 
I'm not giving up just yet 
I will give the course a proper go
I am giving it my best though 
And that's all I can do

Thanks for sticking with me guys 
I know I haven't been the best blogger recently 
Life has been shooting forward faster than I can keep up with it 
But hopefully I will get used to it 
I truly hope you are all doing ok
You are never far from my thoughts 


  1. don't give up it will get easier, had horses and worked in stables from 10 to 20,loved it but have to be tough! believe you are so please keep going xx j

    1. I will Jo
      I will keep going
      It's just hard right now
      But I'm not giving up just yet
      There is more fight left in me x

  2. it sounds like a tonne of work but it sounds very rewarding as well. i'm glad you got this opportunity. i am so proud of you, Ruby.

    don't second guess yourself too much! just let things come as they are. things will be hard sometimes and they'll get easier. challenges come and they go. but look at you, a year from now, i bet you didn't think you'd make it this far. but you have. and i am proud of every little bit of progress that you've made. i love reading the little anecdotes about your day.

    though i must say that you mustn't worry too much about being left out. i was with my Zumba group for 3 years, and only recently did a girl i knew (whom became an instructor) started to go out of her way to greet me. people need familiarity sometimes. in our university, again, it's taken us 3 years to actually bother to get to know each other and talk to one another. everyone else typically has their own 1/2 mates but now, we're getting closer and i have more people to talk to that enjoy talking to me! it just takes time with these things.

    i do want to let you encourage you to be careful. weight loss and an ED can get down a slippery slope very quickly. <3

    i love you, darling. sorry i've no time to reread this comment, but i sure hope i've not said anything that could be the least bit offensive to you! xxxx

    -Sam Lupin

    1. Hey Sammy

      No you didn't offend me at all
      You could never do that
      You are too kind
      And too sweet
      You make a good point
      I know these things take time
      And I just need to be patient
      I know I am hard on myself too
      And I just need to let things be

      Thanks for your kind words my dear
      You made me feel a little better today x

  3. This course sounds amazing and you look very happy on the horses and just being around them.
    I used to muck out stalls in riding establishments in exchange for free lessons. I don't mind shovelling horse poo. Do you notice that horses suck in their bellies when you go to tighten their girth straps and then let it out once it's tight enough making it hard to do up?
    I love reading about the riding and the horse therapy. Keep up the good work

  4. Working with horses is super tough, but you love the riding and you love the horses, so I think this is worth it. Before long all the hard stuff--the mucking and tacking and grooming ad bridles--becomes habit and you don't even have to think about it anymore. It's amazing how smart horses are, and what personalities they have. I remember the name of every single horse I ever rode back in my riding days, and there a lot of them.

    We had one horse at the barn, Apollo, who had this weird phobia of wheelbarrows. He was the only horse that had to be taken out of his stall for mucking, and after getting him all ready for a lesson, you had to walk him out the way back end of the stable and waaaaayyy out of the way around the stables to get to the arena because if he went past the wheelbarrows with the flowers in them, he would have a major freak out. They're like giant cats sometimes.

    I hope you find your way in socially with the other people in the course. Remember people looooooooove talking about themselves. Ask them lots of things about themselves, and you might find you have an easier time fitting in. And remember you'll probably never see most of them again after this course, so it's not a big deal if you don't work your way into their *clique*.

    You've been led on a long path to this course with the horses. I don't believe you were led there by accident or for no reason. Whatever hardships you face, it will be worth it.

    Hope you're having a lovely weekend. <3

    1. Hi Mich,

      Thanks for your encouraging words
      This is the thing
      I have really made an effort with these girls
      And I'm getting zero effort back
      It's come to the point where I don't even try anymore
      Because what is the point?
      And why should I bend over backwards to try and get them to like me
      I am officially going to do my own thing from now on
      As I don't want to be in their little clique

      It's hard work
      But it's worth it just to ride
      I'm going to take it day by day
      And just do my own thing

      Love you x


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