Saturday, 19 November 2016

Bumpy week

This week has been bumpy to say the least
I was off Monday and Tuesday with severe bouts of diarrhoea
I went in Wednesday 
And yesterday 
But I had to get off the horse to run to the bathroom
So I really didn't get to ride which was disappointing 
So instead 
I groomed 
And helped out in the yard
Today I am off again
As I have a doctors appointment 
So I'm hoping to get to the bottom of this 
Ha! Pardon the pun!
But seriously 
I do need to get this under control 
I've had diarrhoea since I started the course 
Which is five weeks now 
I was managing it 
But it's got to the point where I'm afraid to do anything 
In case I need the loo
As I said in my last post
I really think it's anxiety 
I was talking with my sisters partner last night 
And she was asking why I am anxious 
After some thought 
I realised that it was because I feel I'm not good enough 
That I am stupid 
And am not able for this course 
I worry about everything 
About falling behind 
Being asked questions and not knowing the answers 
About how I'm doing socially 
Wondering what my weights doing 
Struggling to eat at breaks 
So really and truly there is a lot going on
It's no wonder my body is taking a hit 
And the thing is 
It's a catch 22 situation 
If I go in to my course 
I feel anxious and have diarrhoea 
If I don't go in 
I don't feel anxious 
And I don't have it 
So when I do stay at home 
I feel I should have gone in
But if I go in
I wish I stayed at home
What to do ....
I'm not sure what my doctor is going to do 
But I hope there is a solution that doesn't involve taking a pill
I was wondering if any of you have experience this 
And how did you deal with it?
It's starting to get me down 
And I know the more time I miss 
The more I fall behind 
And the harder it will be to get back in to the swing of things 
I digress 

In other news 
Mam is away for two weeks 
So am trying to keep the house running in some sort of order 
The weather is so bad that I'm not getting out with the dogs as much 
But they come for spins in the car and seem to be happy enough with that 
My Dad is staying with us for a while 
He has improved a bit 
Which is great 
Food wise I'm doing ok
Struggling a bit to eat in school
But I'm eating a dinner in the evenings 
I'm not entirely sure 
But I don't think I've lost weight 
If I have it's not much 
Mood is good 
I feel positive 
Despite the issues I'm having 
But I'm optimistic that there is a solution 
So if you have any suggestions 
I'd love to read them.....


  1. love your posts! I'm trying to start out my own blog if anyone wants to check it out! Thanks!

  2. I'm so sorry you're not too well at the moment. I know I'm a nag, but I really really hope and pray that this doesn't trigger off your ED again. I don't want to sound like a nag, but please just be aware of it, and be careful <3

    I had a little go on Google for you, and found these: hope these sites have some helpful suggestions:

    Take care partner, keep going. Love you xoxo

    1. Aw thanks Partner
      I appreciate that
      I'm trying not to let myself slip in to a lapse or a relapse
      I need to get in to some sort of routine food wise
      Because I know my body will crash if it's not fed
      My course is motivation
      And I will keep trying x

  3. You will have to start eating lunch. This cant be good, all the meal skipping. Your mental health and immune system could suffer!

    First of all it *looks* kinda bad. Like I'm not saying do for appearances but "when in Rome do as the Romans do" isn't bad advice. You don't need to impress people but you don't really want to hang a banner saying "hellllooo ED and some MH probs here".

    Secondly, you'll think clearer and be smarter in the afternoons.

    As far as the diarrhoea goes You may in fact be ill. or microbes you could think about some yogurts or probiotic drinks/capsules. Just an idea.

    You're doing SO well Ruby i just want to encourage and provide a bit of friendly adcice :-)

    1. I know and thank you
      I appreciate your words
      As they ring true for me
      I'm hoping now that my tummy is on the mend
      That eating will become easier
      Hopefully then I won't even have to think about it
      I'll just do it

      Thanks for this x

  4. you are good enough. you have always been good enough, gorgeous. <3 it's not a question in my mind.

    you are not stupid.

    and you can do whatever you want.

    as for this? "Being asked questions and not knowing the answers" neither do i. sometimes, i read everything i know about a subject and don't know the answer to certain questions. it's normal. it's okay not to know. those that knew the answers didn't know them before either.

    very catch 22. but it really doesn't have to be.

    face this head on, love. remember - you're doing this course for a reason!

    i hope that this doesn't trigger you. you have been worrying me recently. i feel like you're so prone to lapsing sometimes. <3

    i hope eating at school becomes more easily and i hope that you feel well soon. hopefully, this following week comes with a miracle!

    hope nothing i've said offended you, love xxx

    -Sam Lupin

    1. Wow!!
      That's a great way of looking at it Sam
      I also heard today
      That there are no stupid questions
      And no
      You didn't offend me
      You could never do that
      You are too lovely and kind x

  5. You could have a bacterial infection. My sister has been having the same issue for weeks, and they tested her for a load of different digestive issues, never thinking she might have an infection. Lo and behold, they did a poop sample test and she's got some kind of bacterial infection. Antibiotics cleared it right up.

    Hope you do get to the bottom of it. (Yes, I laughed at that pun.)



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