Starved!

Has anyone else seen the sitcom 'Starved'?
It's an American series created by Eric Schaffear that ran for one series a few years ago
I stumbled across it on you tube last week and was intrigued
It's a comedy that follows the lives of 4 people with various eating disorders
Bille, a petite brunette who has anorexia/bulimia
Sam, the main character who is anorexic and also a compulsive over eater
Adam, a buff policeman who is bulimic
And Dan, an over weight over eater



Basically it is a comedy that deals with a serious issue
And it deals with it in a very blunt and graphic way
The first episode opens with Sam fishing chocolate cake out of the bin and eating it
Hands up if you've ever been there?
I know I have
Chocolate cake is Sam's trigger food
He keeps it in his brief case at all times and his secretary keeps it locked in a safe while he's at work
Billie is in recovery although she seems  to be switching from food to alcohol
Adam takes bribes of food from people he arrests and it shows him purging using his truncheon to force the food from his stomach
Dan is on a waiting list for gastric bypass surgery but keeps cancelling his appointment when it comes up



First I have to say that this show is extremely triggering
But that is because it is so true to life
I could identify with every single character
They lie to themselves
Lie to each other
Some are in denial
They all attend a support group called 'The belt tighteners' where they are ridiculed and humiliated by the group leader
Obviously support groups are not really like this of course
But I think it gives an accurate portrayal of what it's like to live with an eating disorder
It does not glamorize it
It does not romanticize it
It shows it as it really is
Sad
Lonely
Disgusting
Messy
Life threatening
Obsessive
Addictive
Compulsive
Insane
All consuming



It really is black humour and I happen to love black humour so this show appealed to me
At first I wasn't sure though
Watching someone purge was almost too close for comfort
Also at first it felt wrong to laugh at this serious subject
But heck, sometimes it's my sense of humour that is the only thing that gets me through the day
I think it's so important to retain the ability to laugh at ourselves
It's something I won't let my eating disorder take away from me
I didn't feel like the show was making fun of people who have eating disorders
I felt it showed eating disorders in all their ugly glory and some of these situations are funny
Other shows that have taken on a serious subject in a comedic way are 'Breaking Bad', 'Weeds' and 'The big C'
It takes great skill to do this
To strike a balance between showing the gravity of the subject and using humour
I have seen other shows and films that just outright make fun of people with eating disorders and that is neither funny or acceptable
But something like this is funny and clever



In Starved I don't think the humour detracts from the seriousness of the issue
It's shows the lengths we go to for food and weight
I myself have found myself in many strange situations due to my eating disorder
I remember a few years ago I was totally addicted to drifter chocolate bars
I literally ate them and little else
I craved them the way I used to crave heroin
I remember my boss at the time gave me a bumper box of 48 bars for my birthday
He knew me well
I ate drifters like they were going out of fashion
And then they did
Suddenly shops stopped stocking them
One day in particular I was looking for them
I didn't drive at the time and I made my mother drive from town to town to find them
I was like a woman possessed
Or obsessed
It wasn't funny at the time but looking back I can laugh at myself
Another time I was eating a certain type of crisps
I used to buy 10-20 bags at a time
I was in a shop where they only had about 5 bags
I asked the shop keeper  if he had any more

'How many are you looking for?'

'As many as you have'

'Oh, are you having a kids birthday party?'

'Eh............ yes yes, a birthday party'

I was too embarrassed to tell the truth so I found myself going in great detail about my 'nephews birthday party'
The lies just rolled off my tongue





So yes, I am able to laugh at my own situation but there is a fine line between laughing with someone and laughing at them
I think with Starved I definitely laughed with the characters
Unfortunately it only ran for one series
I'm not sure why although I can see why some people maybe found it offensive and not watched it
But if anything it would have got people talking about eating disorders and that has to be a good thing
If you do get a chance to watch it I'd love to know what you think
But be warned it is triggering

Winner!

I want to thank everyone who entered the 'Describe you or your life in 6 words' competition
The answers I got were truly beautiful

I'm delighted to announce that the winner is.....

Drum roll please.....

'Desesperee de Maigrir'

Her answer really touched me - 'Big dreams, heavy heart, still trying'

Congratulations to you my dear!

Please  get in touch with me, I think I have your address from the card you sent me but I just want to double check it before I post the prizes

Did you know?

Did you know  that people who are the strongest are usually the most sensitive?



Did you know that people who are the kindest are usually the first to be mistreated?

That those who laugh the loudest are the very ones who are crying on the inside?



Did you know that the people who look after others are the ones that really need to be looked after?

That people who have been through the most hardship are the ones who have the most hope?



Did you know that those who have been to hell truly know what heaven feels like?

That those who have the most fear truly know what courage is?

Did you know that those who have next to nothing really know what gratitude is?




Did you know that those of us with the hardest exterior usually have the softest interior?

That those who talk the most really say nothing at all?

That we can say more with one gesture than we can with a thousand words?

That those who say nothing are the ones that need to be listened to most?













Did you know that even the most beautiful people can be truly ugly on the outside?

That sometimes we need to surrender in order to gain control?

That it's possible to feel lonely even when you're surrounded by people?

 

Did you know that sometimes we have to let the ones we love the most go?

That sometimes the greatest gift we can give someone is telling them no?

That in order to see the light we have to experience the darkness?



Did you know that the greatest gifts our parents can give us are roots and wings?

That we need rules and laws in order to be free?

That sometimes it takes losing ourselves to find out who we truly are?

Did you know that the hardest things to say are 'I love you', 'I'm sorry' and most of all 'Help me'

Medication Monday

Monday
I usually look forward to Mondays
Monday is doctor day
Medication day
Medication Monday
My appointment is at 9am every Monday morning
Purposefully made at that time so I am first and  don't have to wait long
Usually I have a quick chat with my doctor
Today I told him about my weekend spent severely constipated
I'll spare you the gory details
Although I will say that it involved horrific pain, my stomach bloating so much I looked 9 months pregnant and a healthy dose of laxatives and suppositories
I collected my precious scripts and headed to the pharmacy
My pharmacist is not the friendliest person
Not like the old pharmacist
He always made sure to ask how I was doing
This girl only speaks to me to tell me of their current special offers
I wander around looking at make up and perfume as I wait for my meds
I chat to some of the staff who know me well by this stage
The pharmacist calls my name
I pay, thank her and leave
I get back to car where my dogs are waiting patiently
I turn on the radio, light a cigarette and rest it in the ash tray
Now at this stage I usually rip open my bag  of meds
Drink about 2-3 days of methadone
2 days of anti anxiety meds
And maybe 2 days of anti depressants
Then I take my dogs for a run on the beach as I wait for the meds to kick in
I usually head home, blog and spend the rest of the day in a haze of sleep and cigarettes
Repeat Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday
Time loses all meaning until I wake up on Friday morning and try to piece together the events of the past few days



So this is what I would usually be doing today
But a phonecall yesterday changed all that
My father spends the weeks with me
My parents are separated the last 12 years
But my mother still works where we used to live so during the week they swap houses
My Dad comes up here and my mother goes and stays in his house
Strange I know but it works for them
So my Dad rang yesterday
He asked me very politely to take my meds properly this week
He said he couldn't remember the last time he had a proper conversation with me
Or the last time I was lucid
He said I wasn't giving my dogs as much attention
In short, he asked me to hand over my meds to him and my mother
So they can control how I take them
I've had this conversation with one or other of my parents so many times over the years
They express concern and frustration
I agree to take them properly
And I do for  a while but in the end I always end up abusing them again
Lather, rinse, repeat



Having said all that I do have an issue with taking these meds at all
Olanzapine and mirtazapine have the notorious side effect of weight gain
They stimulate the appetite
So therein lies my problem
I can either abuse them, enjoy oblivion but risk over eating, thus binging and purging
Or I can not take them at all, restrict but have to deal with reality
Of course I do realise there is another option
Take them as prescribed and be careful not to over eat
But I've never been one to opt for the happy medium
I tend to be a person of extremes
All or nothing
Black or white
Take them all or none at all
So what's this messed up girl to do?
I'm throwing the question out to you
Do you have any experience with these drugs?
How did you manage?
Do you think I should continue to take them?
I really can't decide