My name is Ruby and I'm a kleptomaniac.
Maybe that's an exaggeration but it sure feels like that sometimes. I was in my local shop this morning and I shop lifted wait for it...............dog food. WTF Ruby?
I have no idea why I did this, I had money so it wasn't lack of funds. I fear it is now an addiction, the feeling of walking out of the shop is a real adrenaline rush. But I am not naive, I know I will be caught eventually and I live in a small town so it would be humiliating. I need to get this behaviour under control and fast. Help!!
But what I really wanted to write about today was regrets. If you could go back in time would you change anything about your life? When I was younger I would have jumped at the chance to change alot of things but today I'm not so sure. Yes drug addiction and ed have had devastating consequences on my life but they have also had good effects on my life as weird as that sounds, the number one thing being the people I have met along the way. The people I have met in treatment centres and hospitals have been the kindest, most caring, talented and sensitive people I have ever met and I would not have met these people otherwise. Also the people I've met through this blog and over the internet have been so supportive and I'm blessed to have found you. My illness have made me the person I am today and on the whole I do try to be a good person and do the right thing (excluding shoplifting). I'd like to think I'm a caring person who does her bit to help others.
The one thing that I would like to change is the stress and worry I've caused my family. They have endured more than their fair share of hurt and pain. I suppose I can right that by giving them peace of mind today although I know they still worry alot. Apart from that I don't think I would change anything, I do believe that everything happens for a reason even if the reason isn't always clear at first. I'd love to know if you would change anything given the chance.
My weight was down this morning, only slightly but it's still moving in the right direction. I'm considering posting some photos. Would anyone be interested in seeing them? It would be a huge thing for me to do that but I'd be willing if people would like to see them. I know I haven't posted my weight in a few weeks but I will be posting it very soon. I was also wondering what you consider skinny, do you have a fixed goal weight for yourself? Or is it a moving target like mine. My lowest ever weight was 77lbs and I would love to break that weight even if it is just by a pound of two. When I was at that weight I had no idea how skinny I was but looking back at photos I looked ill, like an old woman. Losing weight was so easy back then and I think it gets harder to starve the older I get, it must be that my body is fighting back and won't let me fast.
Anyway, hope this post finds you all happy and healthy,