Hello my dears,
I hope you are all well today,
As I was walking my dogs this morning I pondered this question. I thought back to when I was a child and I do remember loving my food. I had certain ways of eating things and had little rituals and rules. My family often commented on my healthy appetite and I hated this. I was a very active child, I was in the local swimming club and also did ballet and jazz. I guess being so active gave me the freedom of eating what I liked. I remember clearly the first time someone commented on my weight. It was my ballet teacher and she told me I was losing too much weight. I can still remember the thrill I. Being in a class where all anyone is wearing is a leotard and tights is definitely triggering. Then as I started in high school I became more and more aware of my body and shape and my bestfriend was obsessed with losing weight. So there were things in childhood that could have contributed to my ed but it wasn't until I was 18 that it started to get serious. By 18 I was well on my way to becoming a heroin addict and I was eating less and less. Food just wasn't a priority anymore. My eating disorder was developing along side my drug addiction but I wasn't even aware of it.
Age 19 and my parents signed me into hospital to do a drug detox, I was 84lbs. One day one of the nurses sat me down and told me I had anorexia. I lost it saying there was no way I was anorexic and she was totally wrong. I could barely endure being a drug addict let alone having an eating disorder and I didn't want to worry my parents even more. Looking back it was obvious I had an ed but denial is a powerful thing. I was supposed to go treatment after my hospital stay but they wouldn't accept me as I was not physically strong enough. I relapsed the day I got out of hospital. Over the next few years both addictions were rife and life was becoming unbearable.
I was also wondering if genetics have a part to play in your chances of developing an ed. Looking at my own family I would think yes. My dad has 9 brothers and sisters and all of them have an addiction of some sort including 2 with eating disorders. Also my 2 older sisters and my dad were all alcoholics although they are all sober now. This would seem to suggest that I was predisposed to developing an eating disorders and that my environment and experiences also played a part.
What contributed to you developing your eating disorder? Was it an offhand comment someone made?
Or maybe it was a diet that went out of control,
Do you think it is genetic?
I'm inching ever closer to a place where I will be happy to post my weight and am even considering posting some pictures.
Have lovely Tuesday,
Much love x