Thursday, 31 May 2012


Just thought I'd let you know how I got on with Mary.

She has suggested that my mother come in for a session so she can see what we're working on and also so she can speak to Mary to voice her concerns or maybe just to vent. So I told my mother this and she is very willing to do that. This will probably happen next week.

I also decided to tell Mary about me abusing my meds, it was a big deal for me to tell her as I've never told anyone before, the only person who knows is my mother. I remember my ex-sponsor telling me that we are as sick as our secrets and this was one secret I was glad to get off my chest. She was very understanding and didn't judge me. She is also encouraging me to find more things to do now that the dancing is over so I'm considering joining a zumba class, I've heard it's pretty good.

Usually Mary weighs me right at the start of the session so by now I thought I had got away with it and she had forgotten but no such luck. I was up 0.4kg. I knew this anyway so it wasn't a shock. I mentioned I was starting a fast in my last post and I'm starting it properly tomorrow as I binged and purged today.

So that's it for another day in the life of this messed up girl,

Much love xxx


  1. Hun, I am proud that you found the courage to confide in Mary, I hope that maybe you and of course your mother can find some comfort in allowing your mother to speak to Mary.. I am sure this has been very hard on both of you. I wish you all the best for tomorrow, I apologise if I dont comment or give my regards - I will be at the bfs tomorrow and I try to stay away from blogging so he doesnt find out.. Sorry, know that I am thinking of you and I believe in you. I know you can do anything you put your mind to. You just have to hope and believe that it can be done.. I encourage you to join a new class, it is good to do something you enjoy.

    Good Luck,
    Lots of love & hugs xxx

  2. Thanks for the update. I'm glad things went well with Mary and don't even stress that tiny tiny gain. I'm glad that you feel confident enough to tell her and willing to have your mom come in for your session. That will be an eye opener =) Stay beautiful.

  3. I am glad the meeting went okay. Glad you didn't gain so much at once. That is always good. I know it must be a big deal for you to tell her. I know I would be scared. Congrats there.

    I would be scared to have any kind of session with my mom. I mean we are very close but we like have this weight loss competition thing that we never speak on but is obviously there. There is also a lot of things my mom as hidden from me and I would hate to see it come out during a session.

    Sorry to ramble. Look forward to hearing from you tomorrow.

  4. Aww, hugs <3

    To your last post: I do feel like a child quite often and I act like one too from time to time but that's more like my personality ^^. And choise? Not quite, you need to be damn deep in trouble to see this kinda thing as an option and act according those thoughts.

    But now to this, glad to see that things are going quite good (except the purging part... not good, dear <3). That was really brave to tell Marry and you should be open the way you are if you want to get a little better.
    And zumba is amazing once you get the hang of it. Takes few times, but don't give up on it and go there always with open mind. If my instructor plays air guitar I may think "ok, she's crazy and do it with 200%" :D

    Think positive <3

  5. I did a few zumba classes a few months ago, it was really fun, you should definitely try it.
    I'm so glad that things are going well with Mary. Good luck in your fast.

  6. I'm so proud of you for being honest - it's true about being as sick as our secrets.
    Zumba sounds great for you. I hope so much you try it!!
    I'm a bit concerned that you are going on a fast. Nothing good ever comes from fasts - they MAKE you binge.
    Keep safe, my friend xxx

  7. I'm so glad you found the courage to tell Mary about your meds, well done sweetheart<3 xx

  8. My secret is...some girls were mean to me at school for no discernable reason when I was about 12/13. Strange I can't get past it. I do a lot of CBT but I have obsessive thoughts that's not easily solved. I can't tell anyone IRL other than counselors. It's a real problem sounds tiny but it had lead to faced up behaviour of a magnitude of unbelievable magnitude. x

    1. That was meant to be *fucked up


Thank you for leaving some love x