Tuesday, 14 May 2013

Aim

I love this
It actually made me smile
Sometimes it feels it feels like life is playing a trick on me
To see how far it can push me
Ever since I was a child I had a feeling that something amazing was going to happen
That I had a purpose
A reason for being here
I haven't felt that feeling in a long time but sometimes something will happen that will remind me that I used to feel that way
I've always been told that I have a lot of potential
But what does that mean?
That I could so something great
Possibly
Maybe

Something is changing in me
I can feel it
I'm not quite sure what it is yet but it's definitely there
It's like there is a ball of energy inside me
I feel an urge to do something
To break out of my shell
I've gone so low that the only way surely is up
It has to be

I gained weight steadily all last year
Every time Mary weighed me I cried my heart out
I would've done anything to see the number go down
The minute I reached a healthy weight I started to lose it again
And now that the number is going down all I feel is numb
Indifferent
It means nothing anymore

I'm trying
I'm fighting
I'm hoping
I'm believing
I have faith
I want to get well
I want to be free of this thing
It was all a lie
An illusion
A cruel trick
Anorexia befriended me when I was vulnerable
I was an easy target
Not anymore
Not this time
Not this girl



17 comments:

  1. I saw this a few days ago and really liked it. You are in my thoughts and prayers Ruby. You posses amazing potential. Everyone does. We just find the most ways we can to limit ourselves. Remember, it's our light, not our darkness, that scares up.
    Lots of love and a humungous hug!

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  2. I love it too Eve
    It's true, success I think scares us more than failure
    I feel something happening though
    Hopefully change in a good way

    Thank you girl,

    Love to you too x

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  3. This is fantastic :) xxx

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  4. Thank you for posting this Ruby, I love it, and just what I needed today too. And your post is so full of energy and faith and belief. Yes, you will get there, to a better place, I'm certain of it.
    Feel the change propel you forward! Even the slightest feeling of hope is enough to fuel amazing things! :)

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    Replies
    1. I'm glad Siobhan
      I really needed it too
      Hope you're doing ok x

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  5. So proud of you Ruby! Go girl! You really do have potential and you really are destined for great things. Go kick some anorexic ass and grab life with both hands! You are such an inspiration! Thank you so much for this post! Love and hugs xxx

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much
      You are an inspiration too

      Keep fighting x

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  6. That is really beautiful one, made me feel exactly same as you.
    Hugs darling! xx

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  7. I love this saying. I've known it for a while, and it's so so true. I'm so glad it made you smile Ruby dear, because it's true.
    I hope the change in you is for the better, but only time will tell I suppose.
    I love you so freakin' much, and I'm so glad you're leaving little notes on your blog when you feel up to it. You're in my thoughts dear *hugs* xxxx

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    Replies
    1. The minute I decided to take a break from my blog, I found I had lots to write about

      Love you too sweetheart x

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  8. I really liked that picture. Even if I might not exactly believe it.
    But you ARE strong enough to keep fighting, and recover from this. You don't have to live this way forever. Fighting IS possible. And I believe in you. Xx

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    Replies
    1. Thank you CJ for your kind words x

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  9. Everyone is here for a purpose, if you can make a difference to someone, somewhere you have started a chain reaction. No one has to do something extraordinary to be extraordinary.

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  10. That picture made me smile when it came up on Tumblr, too.

    I hate that term, too. So vague and undefined. Define it yourself "Potential to become a Badass Motherfucker" or something.

    YES YES YES YES THIS SHIT WILL NOT WIN.

    You're too strong, too smart, too cunning, too amazing for that bitch to con you twice.

    Sending you a ton of love from down under <3

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Thank you for leaving some love x