Friday, 30 May 2014


I am doing a mindfulness course with a friend of mine at the moment
We were there last night
Mindfulness is paying attention in a particular way on purpose
It's about living in the now
Being in the present moment
I was very keen to go to this course as I spend most of my time ruminating about the past or projecting in to the future
I also find it very difficult to just be
I always have background noise
The tv or the radio or music
Even when I'm falling asleep I have to have  my DVD player on
I don't like silence
Because when there is silence I think
And over think
And analyse things to death
My thoughts can be very negative and intrusive
So I try to drown them out

Last night was very interesting
We learned about thought diffusion
This is how to manage negative thoughts
The course tutor did a guided meditation with us
We had to imagine ourselves walking on a empty beach
Feet in the sand
Waves lapping
It's a peaceful place
Then we had to imagine something that was bothering us
We then had to write the word in the sand
And let the waves wash over it make it disappear
I found this really good
Very symbolic

For my word I wrote heroin in the sand
Because it has been bothering me a lot lately
I have been having a lot of drug dreams
Dreams where I actually use drugs
My ex boyfriend is always in the dream
It's horrible because I wake up thinking that I have used
It's such a relief to realise it was just a dream

My mother and I went for a walk on the beach this morning
We decided to practise the thought diffusion
The tide was coming in so we wrote our words at the shore

My word

Washed away

Mums words

Me and Mum

Having a dip on a warm day

Partners in crime


  1. Driving back from the city, Billie confessed to me, "There is nothing she loves more than heroin." What does someone say to that? She is willing to give up everything else, to endure things she does not confuse to herself, just to use.

    1. why do you write these comments? what would be the point? do you think this is at all helpfull? this is rather triggering i would assume!

    2. and do not even try to start a disussion on that one "admin", I am not going to reply, as this is Ruby's blog..(feel free to delete hun) and she is in recovery!

  2. Mindfulness. Lordy that's a word I hear every time in my Counseling courses. They are always trying to encourage us to be mindful and to help our clients to be as well. It was a difficult thing to do but once I made more.of an active attempt to be that way, it changed a lot. I love that you're doing this.

  3. That's such a lovely idea. Did it work for you? I don't know why but I can't seem to practise mindfulness. My head just won't ever stop and if I try the voices just get louder. I love the idea of physically doing mindfulness, like you, with the words in the sand, it seems like it might work better than imagining doing it, if that makes sense? XX


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