Tuesday, 23 September 2014

Torn between blogs

Something that has come up for me over the last couple of months
Is reading others blogs
I have always read a mixture of blogs
Recovery blogs
Blogs of those who are still in the midst of their illness
Those who are somewhere in between
But since I have tried to pursue recovery
This has become very tricky
As some blogs I now find very difficult to read
Because the person is in a bad place
Because I care about them
And don't want to see them like this
It makes me so sad to see people I love struggle so much
And it can also be triggering sometimes
When someone mention numbers

So this is my dilemma
Do I continue to read these blogs
Out of loyalty to my friends
Or do I avoid them
So as to protect myself

Usually I read the first few lines of someone's blog on my Google reader
So I know the gist of the post
And whether it's going to be triggering or not
And most kind people put a trigger warning anyway
So I can choose whether to read or not
And it's not really someone who is struggling generally
It's those who mention weights, calories and numbers
And those who are actively trying to lose weight

I guess it's similar to real life
And who you choose to surround yourself with
Do you choose to be around people in the same position as you?
Or do you surround yourself with a mixture of people?

I feel bad that sometimes I avoid the blog of someone that I really care about
But sometimes I have to
For my own protection
For my own piece of mind
I hope you understand this
It doesn't mean that I love you any less
Or care any less
It just means that I need to put my own recovery first
As it is so very fragile
I hope you understand...........


  1. I'd rather not hear from you ever again, and knowing that it is because you've put yourself on first place and still work to as complete recovery as you can.
    I really mean that. I would like nothing better than for you to be doing well...


    1. That is so lovely and kind of you to say A
      Although I did not mean your blog specifically
      But those words mean so much x

  2. You always comes first.

    I write about calories, weight and my struggle to lose weight, with no trigger warnings. I could never ever in my wildest dreams have imagined that my blog could be triggering. I'm fat, you know, how on earth could that trigger someone?

    From now on there will be a warning in the first sentence if I mention anything to do with weight or numbers.

    1. I really don't want people to alter the content of their blog because of me
      People should be able to write what ever they want to their blogs
      It's just because I am so new to getting well
      Sometimes I feel so bad for someone that is struggling
      And I don't know if I am strong enough to read and not be effected by it
      To be honest though
      Your blog doesn't trigger me
      So please don't worry about that x

  3. I don't want you going near my blog as I discuss things openly and typically don't include trigger warnings, but sometimes I comment here because I feel like I have something to contribute.

    There is a quote that has come to mean a lot to me lately: "I will not set fire to myself to keep you warm." Your own health and well being come first.

    1. That's amazing quote Tempest
      I really love it
      I'm glad you comment
      I always love to see you have popped by
      And you most definitely do have something to contribute x

  4. I never write about it anymore. I reflect and that's it so if you still want to, you can read mine. :) I had to stop reading blogs too but there came a point where I didn't want to read because it was the same thing over and over and after a while it didn't matter what the numbers were because it seemed ridiculous. Then I just checked up on people now and then, but there's nothing worse than seeing that they're still sick. Do what you need to for you. They need to do the same dear.

    1. I guess so Eve
      It's just hard when I really care about some of these people
      I really need to catch up on your blog
      I promise I will get around to doing that x

  5. I completely understand and I do the same thing. I will read the first few sentences on my reader to see if it's going to be triggering or not.
    I do notice that if I open up the post and that person is talking about how few calories they ate or how much weight they have lost, it does depress me.
    But I know where you are coming from. I feel like I need to continue to read to stay loyal to them.
    But like everyone else has said, you need to put you and your recovery first sweetie.

    1. It's hard Katie
      These are people that I really love and care about
      I know they say you have to put yourself first in recovery
      But that doesn't come naturally to me
      Not at all x

  6. you are always first.
    that's just it.
    i told my friend i can't be around her anymore because she's triggering. i've had this friend for so long but i feel so much relief. you are always more important. always.

    -Sam Lupin

    1. Thanks Sam
      I wish it was as simple as that x

  7. Hey, if my blog's triggering I'm sorry :(
    I could put on a trigger warning? But it'd probably be on every post XD
    Anyway, I'll do that. Sorry, I didn't realize it could be triggering. By all means, stay away if it helps you in recovering. Your health always comes first <3 I surround myself with a mix of people both in real life and in the blogosphere.

    Take care x


    1. No need to apologize Christie
      It's your blog
      And you should be able to write what you want
      It's just me and the place that I am in
      So please don't worry x

  8. Just reading your post and everyones comments and I realized sometimes I put my weight. I don't count calories, not on my blog or even in my own head anymore (well i try not too) but sometimes i put my weight.
    I wonder if I should put a trigger warning when I do, but often times (such as my last post) i put my weight because i've been having stomach issues and my weight reflects how i'm doing health wise.
    Please let me know if my blog is triggering, I should put a trigger warning on some posts because I wouldn't want to get in the way of someones recovery!
    I do the same as you and Katie, often I read the first few sentences and decide whether that's something I want to be reading, some days I can read anything and be fine, and others I'm so fragile if I hear a weight or calorie I'll lose it.

    I think it's very admirable of you to want to put yourself first realizing that you are in a fragile place in your recovery. <3

  9. Absolutely. I know exactly what you mean. Some days I don't even want to read any blogs, even completely recovery-oriented ones because I just want to give myself a break, just don't want to think about it at all...other days it's like I want to torture myself and read the most triggering blogs I can find. I guess it speaks to the roller coaster that is this disease. But clearly the healthy thing to do is surround yourself with people you admire, who have what you want, right? Which is health, recovery. Not misery, disease.
    Keep fighting the good fight.


Thank you for leaving some love x