Something that I have noticed over the last few months
Is that my blog seems to get more views when I am struggling
I am wondering why that is
I am not too bothered by how many views my blog gets a day
But it is concerning when I see that since I have ventured in to recovery
My stats have fallen
Why is this?
I must say I would rather have 10 readers read about my recovery
Than 1000 reading about my self destruction
It unsettles me a little
The first blog I ever found about EDs was Recovering Anorexic over on Wordpress
This girl wrote anonymously
And was brutally honest about her life
And trying to recover from anorexia
But a couple a years ago
Her anonymity was compromised
And she deleted her blog
Or at least made it private
I remember her writing about the fact that her blog seemed to be more popular when she was in the midst of a relapse
I remember thinking that was so wrong
But I can kind of understand it
I know the newspaper industry has a saying
'If it bleeds it reads'
Meaning that violence, death, pain and hurt sell newspapers
Good news often doesn't make the news at all
Think about Tripadvisor
Or any site of that kind
People will write a review of they had a terrible experience
But often won't think to do so if they had a lovely experience
And I know I love reading the negative reviews
It's a benign type of voyeurism
I remember this same blogger calling herself the 'Lindsay Lohan of the blogging world'
And you know how much people like to watch the never ending saga that is the Lindsay Lohan story
So why is it that people devour the misery and pain of others?
Is it because they make us feel better about our own lives?
Is it because it is compulsive viewing?
Maybe it depends on the state of mind we are in
I know when I was really struggling
It was too painful to read about recovery
I wanted to read about others in the same situation as me
Like attracts like I guess
And it seems for every recovery blog there is on the internet
There are 10 blogs where the person is still struggling
That is the awful truth
At the moment I am finding it very hard to read about others still struggling
Especially those who I know well and have become very fond of
(I think you know who you are)
I do try to keep up to date
As I genuinely care about these people
But it's just too painful to watch people die
And that is what is happening
Whether we like it or not
This illness is killing beautiful, talented, loving girls, women and boys every single day
And we watch from a distance
It just doesn't sit right with me any more
I have to admit that it is hard for me to write this
I don't like having to write this
But it is the truth
At least it is the truth for me
I was wondering about you
Do you rather read about recovery or someone still struggling?
And why do you rather it?