Monday, 20 October 2014

The Lindsay Lohan effect....

Something that I have noticed over the last few months
Is that my blog seems to get more views when I am struggling
I am wondering why that is
I am not too bothered by how many views my blog gets a day
But it is concerning when I see that since I have ventured in to recovery
My stats have fallen
Why is this?
I must say I would rather have 10 readers read about my recovery
Than 1000 reading about my self destruction
But still
It unsettles me a little

The first blog I ever found about EDs was Recovering Anorexic over on Wordpress
This girl wrote anonymously
And was brutally honest about her life
Living with
And trying to recover from anorexia
But a couple a years ago
Her anonymity was compromised
And she deleted her blog
Or at least made it private

I remember her writing about the fact that her blog seemed to be more popular when she was in the midst of a relapse
I remember thinking that was so wrong
But I can kind of understand it
Misery sells
I know the newspaper industry has a saying
'If it bleeds it reads'
Meaning that violence, death, pain and hurt sell newspapers
Good news often doesn't make the news at all

Think about Tripadvisor
Or any site of that kind
People will write a review of they had a terrible experience
But often won't think to do so if they had a lovely experience
And I know I love reading the negative reviews
It's a benign type of voyeurism

I remember this same blogger calling herself the 'Lindsay Lohan of the blogging world'
And you know how much people like to watch the never ending saga that is the Lindsay Lohan story

So why is it that people devour the misery and pain of others?
Is it because they make us feel better about our own lives?
Is it because it is compulsive viewing?
Maybe it depends on the state of mind we are in
I know when I was really struggling
It was too painful to read about recovery
I wanted to read about others in the same situation as me
Like attracts like I guess
And it seems for every recovery blog there is on the internet
There are 10 blogs where the person is still struggling
That is the awful truth

At the moment I am finding it very hard to read about others still struggling
Especially those who I know well and have become very fond of
(I think you know who you are)
I do try to keep up to date
As I genuinely care about these people
But it's just too painful to watch people die
And that is what is happening
Whether we like it or not
This illness is killing beautiful, talented, loving girls, women and boys every single day
And we watch from a distance
It just doesn't sit right with me any more
I have to admit that it is hard for me to write this
I don't like having to write this
But it is the truth
At least it is the truth for me

I was wondering about you
Do you rather read about recovery or someone still struggling?
And why do you rather it?


  1. totally can't deal with people struggeling&defining themsleves via this struggle, because it is so severe that it becomes all they have and are. i just want them to get better!!!!! but i still can't read it. it is like watching a horrid accident when you cannot help. i simply cannot bear that.
    And it your case...well, you know its personal!

    1. I know just what you mean Lilly
      It is heart breaking
      But don't worry
      I won't break your heart
      Pinkie promise x

  2. I'd rather read about you :) and how you're doing. I tend to comment more on posts where you're still struggling though because I hope that I'll make you feel better. It is always great to hear that you're recovering though honey ^-^


    1. I understand that Christie
      And thank you for your support x

  3. I read a lot more recovery blogs than others. I love these Blogs because they encourage me to go on, even though my main problem isn't the ED anymore, but self harm. By seeing other people overcome their problems I feel like I might make it too :)

    Okay, sorry for asking you, but do you know any Blogs about self harm (recovery)? Sometimes I look for blogs written by people struggeling with the same issues but I can only find ED Blogs.

    Go on, Ruby, your recovery is great and you are really inspiring :)

    Your reader from Germany, with the embarassing school english :P

    1. The only blog I know is Izzy
      Over at a Life without anorexia
      Her blog covers EDs and self harm
      And is very recovery focused
      I'm afraid that's all I know though

      Thank you Lea for your continued support
      It means a lot x

  4. I find it very difficult to read blogs about people struggling. In fact yours was the only one I read because I always had a sense you would turn it around, so I kept reading and you have! I'm not saying it's all happiness and so on now, but I guess things have changed for you and I hope they continue to (in a helpful way!!). So I guess I'm saying as someone who struggles, I can't read struggling bloggers (bar you) and I suspect those who "want" to stay stuck only read other people being stuck. Those who really hope for something different, don't read those struggling so much. And before I get criticised, I'm not implying it's all a choice but I know I've gone through phases of wanting to stay as I am and reading things to support me in my misery where as now reading those things only makes me feel worse and more hopeless so I now only read recovery ones. Anyway that's a long ramble just to say keep on as you are Ruby and do what is best for YOU cxxx

  5. Ah thank you C
    It means a lot that you have continued to support me and my blog
    I would love if you had a blog too
    But I understand if you don't choose to do that
    Your comments are always thoughtful and interesting
    And you are right
    I will keep writing about recovery
    Even if it is not as popular as the drama of an active ED

    Much love x

  6. I find it difficult because the "righting reflex" as they call it in school is strong. I think to myself, if they would just do this, or if they would just do that. I get the urge to give advice and push a little bit but it's not for me to decide where they're at so I avoid hard posts at times, or commenting, so that I don't come off harsh and insincere. I hate reading about it anymore. I work with addicts, I work on my own recovery, and I go to school to become a professional that will help bring about recovery. I'm almost too saturated in mental illness and so I prefer to read creative writing blogs these days. I prefer to write creatively even because the burn out is strong and when I can't help people I have to separate and try again the next day. I've noticed some of the people that used to comment don't now, the ones who wrote when I talked about my Ed. They never give feedback on my things now which makes me mad because then it means that's all they cars about. But maybe they don't know what to say. Meh, oh well. I'm proud of your recovery and I've said many a prayer after reading yours. :)

  7. I have read both. I do think it is like attracts like. When I'm struggling, it's not that I like to see others struggling. I feel like sometimes reading others going through similar things allows me to see my own feelings or thoughts expressed by them. Some people are much better at writing feelings and thoughts than I am. Mine tends to just be daily events. I like reading that shows how I feel, movie and tv that shows how I feel. Just the general understanding that I'm not the only one.

    I tend to read recovery from people I have gotten to know (which can be an odd concept with blogs) because I want to see how they're doing and what they're doing. I have trouble picking random healthy blogs and thinking they seem fake because I can't imagine that sort of happiness and healthiness. I pick ones that seem like realistic life and recovery, and those give me hope.

    I do agree that it hurts to watch people die. I have read blogs of people who are clearly on a bad path. Sometimes this hurts because I realize I am on the same path. I still read those because I feel I must know that they're still alive. I hope they end up in hospital or treatment or some miraculous recovery. I friend people on facebook for the same reason. I want to know they're still there. I hope that they're better, but I am happy at times just to know they're in treatment again.

    It really is bizarre how those with eating disorders or addictions cling to others with addictions whether in recovery or not. Those are the people I can understand.

    I am happy to read about your recovery as well as struggles. It is great to see your progress.

  8. I don't know if I''m in the midst of recovery or a relapse. I'm in limbo. I dance between them both on a daily basis. But I must say I love to read from those who have or are going through the same misfortunes as me. I love to feel not so alone in a world of millions. So it doesn't bother me if they're recovering or in the midst. If they're in the midst I don't feel so alone if they're recovering they fill me with hope



Thank you for leaving some love x