5 months

Today I am five months smoke free

I had my last cigarette on 11th August at 10 30am in my aunties garden in London

I had been building up

To it for a couple of weeks

My uncle had brought me home two cartons of cigarettes from Turkey

That's four hundred individual cigarettes

I decided that when I had them smoked

I would give up

I deliberately chose a time when I was away from home

As I figured it would be easier to quit away from my usual routine

The two cartons of smokes lasted me barely two weeks

That's almost thirty cigarettes a day

I smoked my head off

Now I wonder how I had the time to smoke that many a day

But you know what?

I thoroughly enjoyed every one

I was not one of those people who was a reluctant smoker

Oh no

I loved smoking

Loved the ritual of it

Taking a cigarette from the box tapping the head on the box

Lighting up a flame

And taking that first glorious drag

I loved the social aspect of sneaking outside with someone to share a smoke

The way you could strike up a conversation with a fellow smoker

 I loved it all

My favourite smoke of the day was first thing in the morning

Making a cup of hot sweet tea

Settling down at an open window

And for those 5 - 7 minutes

I was in heaven 

Lost in my own thoughts

I did my best thinking when I was smoking

All of this sounds very romantic and glamorous

But it's not

It's really not

Being a smoker is tough

More often than not you are a social pariah

Banished outside away from everyone else

I can remember when you could smoke in pubs

On trains

When no one would bat an eye lid if you lit up right in front of them

I remember the first time I was in hospital

You could smoke right outside the building

My care assistant would push me on my wheel chair down to the smoking shelter 

And we would simultaneously light up

Now you can't even smoke in the hospital grounds

How times have changed

Then there are the health issues 

Although I have to admit

This never really bothered me

Because for most of my career as a smoker I didn't care if I lived or died

And of course the big elephant in the room

I didn't want to stop smoking

Because I didn't want to gain weight

Not on your nelly

No

The one thing that got me was the financial cost

At ten euros a pop 

I was spending €100 a week on-my precious   cigarettes

I am on a disability allowance

A very fixed income

So that left me with little or no money to spare

And when my bulimia was raging

Food was another expense

And so my money rarely lasted the week

I was constantly broke

Always borrowing money

Always oweing money

It's not a nice feeling

I couldn't save any money

I had no spare money for incidentals

Needed help paying for my car expenses

This really got to me

As I really wanted to be financially independent

Or as much as I could be

So there was only one thing for it

The smokes had to go

So on that morning of the 11th August 2014

I settled down on the bench in my auntie b's garden

With a cup of tea

I had my book there

But I decided not to read

I wanted to enjoy and savour

Every last puff of that smoke

And I did

It was one of the most enjoyable smokes I ever had

But all too soon

It was over

And it was time to put it out 

I said my goodbyes

Stubbed it out

And walked in to the house

And in to my life as a non smoker

Giving up while I was away

Turned out to be a good idea

I didn't have a fixed routine

So there weren't specific times when I smoked

It wasn't easy though

I was so afraid of the dreaded weight gain

But I was gaining weight anyway

So I thought what the hell?

And I did gain weight

And probably over shot my set point

But thankfully my weight seems to have settled at a BMI of 20

Praise the Lord my weight has settled

So it's been five months

And it has been hard

But not as hard as I thought it would be

I still dream about smoking

I wake up panicking

Then I remember I haven't smoked

And relief floods through my body

I still love the smell of cigarettes

I love to get a whiff of second hand smoke

I was in my living room last week

And I got a smell of smoke

I followed the scent

And found my father smoking a cigar out the kitchen window

So I guess my sense of smell had improved

But I am glad

I'm happy to be a non smoker

Say it with me people

I

Am

A 

Non

Smoker

This is a little cigarette case I bought in London a few years ago

This is a cigarette purse I bought also
I wanted to be like Betty Draper from Madmen