Confession time
You know that I smashed my scale a couple of weeks ago
And my house is a scale free zone
Or at least it was
It was great not weighing
Not knowing that number
Not holding my self worth hostage
It felt like freedom
A lite taste of what life could be like
I didn't miss the scale at all
On Tuesday
I went for a walk with my friend
When I got out of the car
She commented that I had lost weight
And this girl would notice
as she has an eating disorder too
All that day her words rang in my ears
I went home
And asked my mum and sister if I had lost weight
They confirmed that I had
And also said I looked very pale
My curiosity was pricked
I was dying to know my weight
The next day
I was in the pharmacy collecting my meds
As I waited
I clocked the public weighing scales in the corner
It was one of those new fangled fancy ones that calculates your BMI etc
I was tempted to stand on it
But I didn't
It was still on my mind though
The next day
I was collecting my meds again
And again
As I waited
I spotted weighing scales for sale in the corner of the store
Half price in the sale
I was drawn to them
Like a magnet I felt pulled towards it
I picked it up
It was a Weight Watchers scale
It calculated your BMI
You percentage water weight
And fat
I was mesmerised
A brand new shiny scale
It was like Christmas all over again
I have to admit
I bought the scale
And brought it home
I tried to smuggle it in to my house
But I met my mother in the hall
She looked disappointed to say the least
But I was on a mission
I locked my bedroom door
Opened the box
Placed it on the wooden floor
Stripped
And stood on it
Of course the number meant absolutely nothing
As it was a different scale
And I hadn't weighed in a coue of weeks
So I don't know if I lost or gained
Clever Ruby
Very clever
Even though the scale has now taken up residence in my bedroom
I've only used it a couple of times
I'm not playing that game any more
No freakin' way
I had two glorious number free weeks
And I intend to proceed in the same way
So what to do with the scale?
I'm not sure
But I'm sure I will think of something.....
Isn't it sad that they even use dieting language to describe the scale itself? "Ultra slim" - as though a scale has a body, or any characteristic other than flat and square.
ReplyDeletethat was exactly my thought aswell! it probably works though^^
DeleteI'm soo sorry hun.
ReplyDeletehugs
xx
I would say, give that scale to someone outside your house who might want to have it ( and for whom it might not be harmful). I admire you for being brave enough to not weigh for such a long time. My longest abstinence from the scale in the last 15 years was 10 days, only because I was on vacation.Get back on track! And don't let youself slip further down.
ReplyDeleteIt becomes a setback if you allow it to be. Can you keep from stepping onto it several times a day? Or don't let the numbers dictate your life? If the answer is no...
ReplyDeleteAw honey, you know how this disease goes, a few steps forward, a few steps back. Were you happier without a scale? Even though I feel drawn to them, as you describe, the relief I feel not having one, not having to live for a number, outweighs my obsession with the stupid object and even though I often fantasize about buying one I'm able to resist by reminding myself what a relief it is NOT to have one.
ReplyDeleteI wish you could stay in that mindset because I know you know it's not healthy for you to have it. It's like having drug paraphernalia. But don't beat yourself up. You've made so much progress, you are strong and beautiful and amazing. You got this, I know you do. Don't give up before the miracle, as they say.
So much love,
Sarah
I agree with Lilly, sweetie. I am just so sorry you keep on believing your life improves by having a scale. (and it costs a lot of money too, maybe next time you want to buy a scale, instead you buy someting better like a hoodie or a writing pad!)
ReplyDelete(L)
Ruby, you know that nothing good will come of having that scale... it's only going to hurt you. Please find someone who can give it a good home...
ReplyDeleteOh hun, I'm sorry to hear this. Could you even give it to your sister or your mother to hide, even if only until you figure out a more solid plan?
ReplyDeletexx