I've wanted to write this post for a while
But have avoided it as I know that some of my family read this blog
However
I am going to write it anyway
As I need to write about this
Here goes
I haven't had a boyfriend in a long time
A really long time
Partly because I was sick
And boys just weren't on my radar
Partly because I hated myself so much
And didn't trust anyone who showed me any kind of positive attention
Mostly because I was too busy trying to kill myself with various addictions
I didn't have the energy or the inclination to date
You may remember a post I did about a year ago called 'Blast from the past'
It was about a guy I had run in to here in my home town
I was walking my dogs on my road one day
And a jeep pulled up
Someone stuck their head out the window
And called my name
I didn't know who the heck it was at first
But as I got closer to the jeep
I saw it was indeed a blast from the past
It was my ex-boyfriends best friend
A guy that has been in and out of my life for years
As I spoke to him
He told me that he was living up here now
There was also a girl in the jeep with him
Who I presumed was his girlfriend
I can remember that day so clearly
My heart was thumping in my chest
As memories came flooding back
I actually became worried that he was so close by
I mean I came here to get away from all that shit
But I thought maybe he came up here for the same reason as I did
To start a new life
We exchanged phone numbers
And said we would meet up soon
But I wasn't sure if I wanted to
Since then
I have run in to this guy a couple of times
Then I went in to treatment
And we lost contact again
Then Christmas this year
He texted me to see if I wanted to meet up
I was nervous but we arranged to meet up this week for coffee
However
The universe intervened
And we were snowed in
He texted that morning to say that his jeep wouldn't start
So we said we would leave it for another day
He has been on my mind a lot
Back when we were using
There was four of us that hung out together
Me and my boyfriend
And this guy and his girlfriend
I always thought this guy was good looking
In a sort of earthy manly kind of way
He was always in trouble
And I guess that appealed to me to
But nothing ever happened between us
And I suppose I am wondering why he wants to meet
Is it genuinely for a coffee and a chat
Or is it something more that he wants
I am so out of practice with flirting and such
That I really can't tell what he wants
Heck
I don't even know what I want
But I think this
What I am going through
Is pretty normal for someone my age
I guess it is progress because it means I am healthy enough to consider such things
The ball is in my court now
He said to text him when I want to meet up
But that;s the thing
I don't know what I want
And I wish I knew what he wanted
This is where you all come in
I need some girl to girl advice
What do you think about my meeting this guy?
Do you think I am on dodgy territory?
Should I leave well enough alone?
Or should I pursue this?
HELP!!!
I NEED HELP!!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like he's being very respectful about his approach, at least. If you want to meet him but it feels risky, it might be a good idea to let some local friends/family know that you are meeting him and you may need to talk things over or process afterward - kind of a safety net/accountability in case something ends up triggering you.
ReplyDeleteAs far as a romantic relationship, I'm inclined to be much more cautionary. If both of you have struggle with addiction I suspect it will be much harder to maintain your own health if the other is not in a good place. You are still struggling with addiction in many ways (meds, ED) and IF a relationship with him compromises your own health, it is not worth it.
P.S. More Snow has disappeared, didn't know if that was an accident.
ReplyDeleteCaution, but a slight "go ahead". Tempest said it best.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteI think you should go for it, at least to meet up for a cuppa. It's hard to tell what someone wants via the phone. It might give you a better idea of if he wants friendship or something more.
Tempest really said it all. Getting into a relationship with someone who mightn't be 100% stable could be risky, especially while you're still working through your own stuff. Make sure you have someone around to talk to afterwards if you can.
Take care of yourself <3
xxxx
Is he still using, babe?
ReplyDeleteXx
Oh Ruby, you don't know how happy it makes me that you have boy troubles! (That sounds terrible, I know, I'm sorry, I just meant that you absolutely deserve to begin living life as thoroughly and as wonderfully as you can! I'll never understand addiction, and I cannot imagine living your life, or having years stolen from me due to addiction. You absolutely deserve to get out there and have fun with a boy.)
ReplyDeleteHowever, with that being said, please be careful. You have to know that both of you are working towards the same goals, and you have to be 100% sure that if he becomes unstable at some point in the future, that you won't be dragged down with him. You have made so much beautiful progress, dear. I know that whatever you decide, the wonderful girls who follow and read and comment on this blog will support you 100000000%
<3 Lee
I have the same question as Lilly! If he's not, and you don't think you'll be too triggered by meeting up, then I say go for it!
ReplyDeleteBest case scenario, you guys may find out you're interested in each other, or at least form a friendship. Worst case scenario, you're right back where you started and you seem to be doing just fine without him right now!
Boy troubles are always so confusing and tough to figure out, but I think us women have great intuition and you should listen to yourself and what your mind is telling you, not the voice that tells you you're not good enough or you are scared because you don't deserve anything, but the gut feeling.
Do whatever your gut feeling is telling you.
One more girl tip, tell a friend you're going, that way if the meeting isn't going well, you can text her to call you or something and when she calls, act as if something came up and you have to leave.
Lol, I always have a back up plan in case a date is going dreadful!
I do hope you post about whether or not you meet with him and if you do how it goes!
I'm really proud of you for this post, I think it shows great strides in the right direction, even if you're not totally ready to meet him, you're at least considering it, and I think considering to let someone into your life is a huge step for those of us that shut the world out.
<3
Kay.