Friday, 27 February 2015


I've decided to fight
To fight for my life
For my sanity 
For my health
And my mental health
For my future
For my dogs
But most of all for my family
I might survive another relapse
But it would damn near kill my family
I truly believe that an addicts family get the brunt of addiction
At least the addict gets to zone out with drink/drugs
The family has to suffer through it all

So yes
I was sitting on my living room with my mother and my sister last night
And I thought to myself 
Where would I rather be?
Would I rather be out in The Boys house
Drinking cups of poppy tea
Passive weed smoking
Listening to them waffle on in a drug addled monologue about the meaning of life?
I suddenly thought to myself
I don't want that
I would much rather be here with my family watching Eastenders
And drinking good old fashioned Barry's tea

It's no exaggeration to say that The Boy has turned my world upside down
And my poor sister doesn't know what to do
It's up to me to put this right
And to earn get trust back
Not easy let me tell you
I just don't want my mother to know
If I can get through this without telling her then I will

But yes
I have no other option than to fight
If not for myself
Then for my family
They don't deserve this
God knows they have suffered enough
I'm doing this for them
Until I'm able to do it for myself 


  1. Maybe your sister will agree to keep it hush-hush for your mother's sake?
    I'm proud of you Ruby. Addiction is so hard on families, but I think we're both pretty lucky to have the families we do.


  2. Isn't being honest and upfront with the family a part of recovery? Admitting and accepting is also a part of growing and learning.

    I understand very well how the attention from the boy has made you feel and think things you maybe normally wouldn't, but I think what you don't realize or maybe don't want to see is that there are MANY guys out there who would love to get to know you, and be with you without any drugs, or such involved.

    You need to stop, and see how far you have come.. You need to stop to think of your self as someone who can not be with a guy, unless he is from the past. You have grown, you have overcome things many don't.

    You and I are the same age Ruby, and I really don't mean to be harsh, or sound like I am judging you.. I just want you to open your eyes and see all the good in you instead of what you are seeing lately. Remember that you are enough... And the right guy is down the road, waiting for you IF you give your self, faith a chance.

    Keep moving forward, don't get stuck in the past.. I believe in you.


Thank you for leaving some love x