Friday, 13 February 2015

The Boy update

I mentioned earlier in the week that I was planning on going to a meeting
I'm afraid I didn't go
Fear and anxiety got the better of me 
I got as far as the front door
But no further
And then of course guilt and shame followed that
I was angry at myself for not going
I think in future 
I won't say that I'm going
And just go when I feel able
Walk the walk
Instead of talking the talk

The Boy was in touch a lot this week
He wanted me to call out to him Wednesday 
But I had the flu
So declined his offer
I felt a bit better yesterday
So I texted him in the morning
And said I would call over
He replied that he had to go to work for 'an hour'
And would text me when he was home
It seems that time has ceased to have any meaning for The Boy
As it wasn't until 3 hours later that he texted me to call over

I was to call out to his house
And I was really nervous to drive there by myself 
Because it is a really narrow and dangerous road that he lives on
Plus I am not a very confident driver at the best of times
I have been to his house before 
But I have such a bad sense of direction
That that was of little help

My directions were to take the road out of the village
Go up the hill
Go around two sets of bad bends
Then take the road on the left
Follow this road for about a mile
Pass the water tank
And the hump back bridge
And his house was the first house on the left
Simple right?
Maybe for a normal human being
For me it turned in to a bit of s drama

At first I was fine
I took the road out of the village
Passed the two bad bends
Or so I thought
Nothing looked familiar though
And I had a feeling that I had gone wrong 
I continued down this narrow road
Until I came across a lorry
Stopped in the middle of the road
I pulled in to the side
As I knew I wasn't going to get passed him
I waited to see if it was going to move
But there was no sign
I got out of my car
And saw a guy in the garden of one of the houses
I went over to him
Said hello
And told him I thought I was lost
I had no address so I told him The Boys name
But he didn't know him
He told me to hang on that he would ask his father
Cue another man
They brought me in to the house
Where it looked like a hoarder lived
I repeated my friends name
But this man didn't know him either
He asked me if I had an address
Which I didn't 
But then I remembered the directions about the water tank and the bridge
And suddenly they both knew exactly where I meant
Even so
They kept me talking for another five minutes
Before I thanked them and headed off again
They left me with a warning
To be careful on said road 
As there were 'a lot of fucking lunatics' on it
I jumped back in to my car
And turned in a very tight spot
I was sure I was going to end up in a ditch
And I was starting to regret leaving the house at all

I headed back down the road
And took the first right at the crossroads
It was such a narrow road
I prayed that I wouldn't meet another car
And thankfully I didn't
I came across the water tank
And then recognised The Boys house
I breathed a sigh of relief

The Boy let me in
And I related my little adventure
He laughed
We made tea
And sat in his living room
He had very kindly made me up a natural remedy to take for my flu
Very thoughtful
We chatted for hours
And the more time  I spent with him
The more I realised that I don't want anything other than friendship from him
He is a nice guy
Super smart
And loyal
But there is no attraction there
And I am grateful for that 
For at least now I know where we stand
As friends
And nothing more

I stayed in his house for a few hours
I thought being around a smoker would drive me nuts
But it didn't 
I didn't mind at all
So we are friends
And that is more than enough for me
That special someone is still out there for me
I just have to find him......


  1. I'm glad to hear that all went well. I can see so many triumphs over anxiety in the process of getting there, kudos to you Ruby. It's great things are now clear in your head as to what you want out of this friendship (and I'm sure your mum will be glad to hear it!)

    P.S, if you ever do want to talk about thinking of going to meetings, I'm only an email away (no expectations or accountability).


  2. I hope you find your special someone! He's probably just some random stranger waiting for you to meet him lol.

    I suffer a lot of anxiety too and it's great to read about someone in a similar position.


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