Friday, 27 March 2015


I think I mentioned recently that one of my neighbours died 
An elderly man
Now his wife is left alone
I call over a few times a week to run some errands for her 
And walk her dog 
Yesterday she asked me to pick up a couple of things for her from the shop in the village
I collected the items today
And called over to her
Her hearing is quite bad 
She doesn't hear the doorbell
So usually I give a loud knock 
And let my self in
I walked through the living room
And in to the kitchen 
She had her back to me
And got a bit startled when I said her name
Just then I realised what she was doing
She was pouring herself a glass of white wine
It was 10 30 am

I didn't know what to do
So I said nothing 
And acted like I hadn't seen anything
Then she told me she was planning on driving to the church down the road
I became worried as it is dangerous for her to drive at all
Never mind when she has drink on her

This makes me worry
I've known for some time that this woman and her husband like to drink
A lot
They met in AA over 20 years ago
But some where along the road 
They started drinking again
The woman was hospitalised a couple of years ago due to complications from drinking
She was in hospital for months
It was nothing short of a miracle that she pulled through
There has been trouble in that house over the years
The guards were called numerous times
They often injured themselves from falling over while drunk
And then a couple of months ago 
The husband suffered a stroke
His wife didn't call the ambulance until three days later
As she though he was slurring his words and having trouble moving because he was drunk
He was hospitalised
And died six weeks later 

Now the woman is on her own
Her mind is sharp
But her body is old and weary
She really can't afford to be drinking
If something happens to her
If she falls or passes out 
There is no one there to help her
It's really very worrying

This is the ugly face of addiction
This is what happens when it gets a grip on someone 
All common sense and logic goes out the window
And the drink or drug takes over
If I need a reminder of the damage that addiction does
I need look no further than in to this woman's house
She is very much on her own 
No one ever calls to her house
She rarely seems to see her family
It's a sad and lonely existence 

Today is Day 5 for me
I got to two meetings yesterday 
An AA at lunch time
And an NA last night
It was my first NA meeting
And what a breath of fresh air it was
It was a small meeting
Four guys and me
I was so warmly welcomed back
Which made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside
I just have such a good feeling about this
About recovery 
My meetings 
And the people in them
I have an instinct that I am on the right path
That if I keep recovery focused
Then I can get my life back on track

When I was using
I was behaving so out of character
So shady
Plotting and planning
Ducking and diving
Trying to hide it from my family
The tension in the house 
The worry on my mothers face
No drug is worth that 
No drug is worth my peace of mind and my families too
Now I am getting back on track
My family can breathe a sigh of relief
They don't fully trust me yet
That will take time 
And I understand that
I am willing to do the work
One day at a time 

I've had to stop weighing myself
It was becoming a bit of an obsession
And anyway 
I've been the same weight for the past few months
Give or take a kilo 
I'm not entirely happy with my weight 
I would love to be 5 - 6 pounds less
But I can live with this weight
Just about

So I am in a pretty good place 
My head is a quiet place today
I'm working hard to stay well 
To keep steady 
To stay clean and sober
To nurture my relationships
And earn back trust 
I was saying last night 
That maybe it took this relapse to get me back on track
And if it did 
Then it was so worth it
I regret nothing it's made me the person I am today 
And that person is not a bad person 

I will get a meeting in tonight 
And a couple over the weekend 
I'm actually looking forward to it
And that my friends
Is a freakin' revelation!


  1. love it when you are sounding happier,the meetings sound that they are really helping.sad about your neighbour though,expect there are lots of other people the same and we don't know it.kind of you to help her it must make a difference. jo x

    1. It is Jo
      So very sad
      I dread to think what will become of this woman
      It's scary
      I just do little bits for her
      I hope it helps
      Hope you're doing ok? X

  2. This is so sad to read. I don't know what to say. It's just a real worry that she's so alone, especially with her drinking.

    My first thought is, does she have one of those emergency buttons? My Pa had an emergency button that he wore around his neck, so if he had a fall or anything, he could just press the button and it'd alert someone to come assist him. It might be worth looking into if she doesn't have one already.



Thank you for leaving some love x