Wednesday, 25 March 2015


This comment was left on my blog yesterday

Sobriety? How many mls of methadone are you on again?

I know I shouldn't feed the trolls
And shouldn't give this person any more attention
I should really ignore and move on
I shouldn't let this person get to me
But I have 
And I take issue with this comment

Anonymous I think you know exactly how many mls of methadone I am on
I know that technically I am still dependant on a drug
I am also on various other medication
They have all been prescribed to me by my doctor
It's not like I am buying these drugs on the street
And taking them as I see fit
My meds are dispensed daily 
And I don't abuse them in the way that I used to

Methadone seems to polarise people
You either agree with it
Or you don't
Methadone has a bad reputation
It conjures up images of pale vacant junkies
'The walking dead' as one newspaper here called them recently
Methadone means trouble to a lot of people
And like any group of people
There are always some bad eggs
But there are also people like me
People who use it correctly
And are working to come off it completely
I'm not a trouble maker
I don't sell my methadone
Yes I messed up recently
But I am doing my level best to get back on track

Maybe in your eyes I am not clean anonymous
But I am as clean as I can get right now
Yes, I am physically dependant on methadone
But isn't that miles better than being addicted to heroin
Existing in that murky under world of addiction
I'm not committing crimes to get my drug
My life is not chaotic or unmanageable
For the most part I am stable
I am steady
I am doing the best I can

I've been getting quite a few negative and nasty comments recently
It seems that some people are not willing to give me a second chance
Of course when I write a post
I put myself out there for everyone to see
And with the positive
There is also negative
I understand that
And it's ok
Everyone is entitled to their opinion
And freedom of speech
But there is no excuse for smart arse comments
Written anonymously of course

I was wondering about you
Do you ever get nasty comments?
How did you deal with them?
Do you think it's best to ignore them?
Or do you reply to them?
I'd love to know......


  1. Methadone is free heroin! You aren't working towards coming off, every week you have an excuse to manipulate your doctor into not reducing it!

    1. I whole heartedly disagree with you 'anonymous'
      Methadone helps addicts bridge the gap from addiction to sobriety
      It helps people become stable
      And removes the chaos that comes with addiction
      And exactly how do you know that I manipulate my doctor?
      There's no way you could know that
      Anonymous if you don't like me or my blog
      I suggest you find some one else to hassle
      You're not welcome here....

  2. Constructive information can be good from people, sometimes it can sting a little and I think deep down you know that. Yet when information is destructive, its totally useless and you know the person that's giving it has a destructive personality to go with their ideas. I think through your blog I have had my mind opened to the drug issue. Reading your words, has given me more insight and compassion towards people that have issues with drugs, whereas before I wouldn't of given the subject much thought. I wonder why these people take the time to write malicious words? Why have they the time to pass on hate?

    Take care of yourself, and keep on keeping on. em x

    1. Thanks Em
      I have absolutely no problem with constructive criticism
      People just having a go at me is really unfair and out of order
      For every nasty comment
      There are many more positive ones
      These commenters usually get bored after a while and go away
      At least I'm hoping that's what will happen...... X

  3. Ruby... the problem with anonymous people who leave comments that are rude/ignorant is that you cannot waste time interacting with them because they hide behind the computer being judgemental ... These people have nothing better to do as they must lead boring and judgemenal lives to have time to leave comments. I don't have that sort of time myself... I'm too busy leading my own life... anonymous might want to think about doing that too... ;-)

    1. Ruby, I read this quote:

      Those who spend their time looking for the faults in others, usually make no time to correct their own - Ark Jonak

    2. Thanks Launna,

      It's hurtful but I won't let this person get to me x

  4. Anonymous... why dont you shut the fuck up?You don't know anything and clearly you have nothing better to do.

    Ruby, you don't need to justify anything. Keep keeping on and being you x

    1. Thanks for sticking up for me Lola
      It means a lot x

  5. From the moment I created my blog, I have had anonymous comments shut off. People hide behind internet anonymity to reveal the darkest, most ugly side of themselves, and if anyone was going to say something terrible, I wanted them to stand behind a name to do it. I have never gotten hateful comments, though I have gotten a few obnoxious ones congratulating me on my weight loss from pro-ana types. I've gotten fishing comments from Avy at My Mother Fucked Mick Jagger a few times (she's a talented writer but I don't subscribe because I object to her copious impersonal comments on other blogs that are obviously just go garner more readers for herself) and once from this creepy guy that ran a sex blog. It's been 99% low key from real people within the ED community.

    I would suggest turning anon off, but I know you also have several good folks who keep in touch that way. It's a balancing act, I suppose. Allow yourself the moment of frustration and anger at this person, but remember to move on.

  6. An anon once told me that Aspergers Syndrome and mental health issues don't exist and that psychiatry was a bogus science even posting links to articles on the subject that obviously weren't very well researched. Other than that I've had no nasty comments. The few comments I do get a positive and I normally blog for myself any way, but I also acknowledge my readers because I know they are lurking judging by the amount of hits I get each day.
    I challenged that anon to put a name with the comments and he/she hasn't been back. Anons are just faceless cowards who need to hide so they can judge.
    You are doing all the right things Ruby and really trying. Keep at it the meetings seem to be doing you the world of good.

  7. "It's not like I am buying these drugs on the street" <--this. this is the most important thing that you should remember.

    your doc knows what you're doing. it takes a long, long time to break an addiction. i'm sure the guy knows what he's doing. i honestly think that quitting cold turkey out of opiate addiction is a seriously sickening process anyway (and dangerous).

    "My meds are dispensed daily
    And I don't abuse them in the way that I used to"

    again, this is very important. it is tightly controlled. i hope that one day, you won't need to have it dispensed daily and you can take the weekly ones at once, and not abuse them at all just because they are available. i know you can do it because you've proven it time and time again, you can accomplish the seemingly impossible.

    "People who use it correctly
    And are working to come off it completely"

    God, i just love you. i want to put this out there. this is amazing. and you are amazing.

    oh, and as for this: "Do you ever get nasty comments?"

    oh, man. when i started to recover, i got them all the bloody time. from people around me. i gained some weight just during recovery. a good enough amount. i had lots of guys just sitting there making fun of my body for the most bit. they do get to me. it's hard not to. i've had a woman just a few weeks ago check out my sizes at a store and her going like ' don't look like a __ in sizes! you look much bigger!' and i got pissed. i know i don't look like the size i wear. not at all. but it is the size i wear. i'm short, and even at a normal weight, i wear sizes smaller than normal.

    i lost some weight. actually, i'm at a lower weight now than when i started to recover. which sounds like i'm doing the opposite of what i'm supposed to be doing, but i'm not. i went through hell and back. i went through Minnie Maud (eating 2,500-3,000+ calories a day just because i felt bad for it). i gained a LOT of weight, but i still wear the same sizes. my body is practically virtually unchanged. but i'm coming off that now. i'm starting to eat more based on what i want and whatever.

    i just finished 2 weeks of just eating like i want. i'm getting very good feedback so far, and i'm working on my way to actually fight back on the comments people make about my frame because i figured some time ago i can't just ignore them.

    but always remember: just because someone's said it doesn't mean it's true. for every 1 person that thinks that you are a certain way, there's 20 that's backing you up on another aspect. and it's not fair to listen to those people that want to hurt you and not take into account those that do (that's what i tell myself and it actually makes a difference to me!)

    -Sam Lupin

  8. I love your blog and I think you're great.


Thank you for leaving some love x