Wednesday, 29 April 2015

3 Years

My blog is three years old today
It's hard to believe
Time goes past so quickly
I can remember three years ago like it was yesterday
I had been reading blogs for some time
And saw that there was a great little community here on blogger
I wanted to be part of it 
I was so entrenched in my illness
So lonely
Depressed
Anxious 
Afraid
I rarely left the house
But as much as I was afraid of living my life
I craved to be around others like me

I was welcomed in to this community with open arms
It was a safe place to come and be honest
Without fear of being judged
While I was in midst of my illness
I was accepted 
And there was no pressure to recover
I was knee deep in my disorder for the first two years of my blogging
Then last year things changed

I had just come out of treatment 
For the umpteenth time 
I felt utterly hopeless
So low
So scared for my future
I ended up overdosing
And I didn't tell anyone 
Until a week later
When I told Mary
She sprang in to action
And I had an appointment with my psychiatrist the next day
He assessd me
And changed my meds
Adding in Prozac
I didn't hold out much hope for the new meds
Ive been on so many different anti depressants over the years
And they rarely work
So I was hoping against hope

However
A couple of weeks after
I began to feel a little better
The fog dissipated 
My depression and anxiety lifted 
And I began to feel hope again
I managed to get my binging and purging under control
That was massive
As I had been purging 10-20 times a day
It was killing me

Slowly but surely 
I began to gain weight
And yes my weight did rise to a place where I wasn't entirely comfortable in my own skin
But now it seems to have settled
And I can live with it
Just about

As time went on
My quality of life improved
I gave up smoking
My relationship with food was better
I started going to meetings 
Which is a huge help
And I generally felt a lot better
About me
My life
My world

Blogging through all of this has been amazing
To have documented every up and down is so awesome
I can read back
And see how far I have come 
Also to share it with you
You all have been a big part of my story
I have met the most amazing kind, caring and thoughtful girls here on blogger
Some of you have been with me from the very beginning
Some are more recent
But you all mean so very much to me
You are true friends
And I am eternally grateful for that

So Happy Birthday dear blog!
Thank you for saving my sanity so many times 
Here's to another 3 years.....


7 comments:

  1. You've come a long way ^-^ I'm so proud of you my dear, and I'm so happy you we're able to find an outlet that has proved to help you so much.
    Take care of yourself, you will always have friends here <3
    Mandy xx

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Mandy for your kind words
      Blogger has saved my life so many times
      And my sanity
      I hope you get as much out of blogging as I do

      Take care my dear x

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  2. I have very much enjoyed being on this journey with you over the past 3 years. I have seen you make so many changes in your life, and I am proud to call you my friend (as long as you're not upset with me for being so absent here lately.)
    Your blog has made me laugh and has made me cry and about every emotion in between. You're an amazingly strong woman and I hope to continue to follow you on your journey. Lots of love dear Ruby.
    XOXO

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    Replies
    1. Katie so lovely to hear from you
      I think of you often
      And wonder how you are
      Yes you have been with me from the start
      As I have with you
      And you are a dear friend
      I hope you are doing well
      And the baba too
      Thanks for stopping by

      Lots of love x

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  3. It's been an honor and a privilege to see how far you've come in the past three years. This community is really a hidden gem. Thank you for your continued support over the years. Here's to many more, my dear friend.

    <3
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  4. And it's been the very same for me Bella
    To be part of your story
    And for you to be part of mine
    Sometimes I think the people here get me more than the people in my real life

    Love always x

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Thank you for leaving some love x