Come together

As you may know 

My parents are separated 

Almost 15 years now

I had just turned 19

And was in the throes of heroin addiction

It was a truly awful time in my life

My dad was drinking

And was off his head completely 

My sister just had a baby 

And was also drinking to excess

It was chaos

Looking back

I don't quite know how we all got through it

The day my parents broke up was horrible

It had been coming for a long time

But in the end 

It happened very suddenly

I remember we were at home

My mum my dad and my boyfriend

A huge row broke out

I can't remember why 

But my mum and I ended up leaving 

We had no where to go

So we checked in to a hotel

I remember I was starting a new job

In a bank in Dublin

I had to get up to catch the 6 10am train every morning

It was like a nightmare

The next few years were tough

My mum and I rented a house in a not very nice area

Then it all came out about my drug use

And the shit really hit the fan

My family really had it hard back then

Addiction damn near ripped us apart

Then in 2004

I went in to treatment for the first time

And that Christmas 

My mum moved here 

It was a chance for a fresh start 

A clean slate 

Although the next few years were also tough

What with my ED

We somehow got through it

My dad got sober

My sister got sober

And things began to look up

Fast forward to this past couple of years

And things have really improved

In every way

My family is stable

We are all on top of our various addictions and mental health issues

Most of the time

My parents can now spend time together without tearing each other's hair out

Like yesterday

My dad came down for dinner

And is staying for a couple of nights 

It's amazing that we can do that now

Be mature adults

And just get on for everyone's sake

I see my dad every few weeks

So he gets to see how I am doing

He always asks how my mood is

And how my eating is

He doesn't know about my recent relapse

As I fear  it might tip him over the edge

But we talk very openly about things mostly

Yesterday we were out in the car

And he asked me about purging

And if I am still doing that

I can't lie

I am 

It's still a problem

And even though it's a lot better than it was

There is still work to do

I guess I fall in to the trap of thinking I am doing ok

Because things have improved a lot

I forget that by any normal standards

I am still eating disordered

And purging more than once or twice a day

No matter what I tell myself

Purging is not normal 

And it's detrimental to my health

I'm doing the best I can for now

And I'll try and tackle things bit by bit

But at the moment. I am just grateful that my family is in a good place

As my mother often says 

Considering what we have been through

We are not doing to badly

Not too bad at all