The calm after the storm

Yesterday is over

Thank God that yesterday is over 

It is no longer the day that I was caught shoplifting

I swear it was like a nightmare

I kept waiting to wake

And realise that it was all a bad dream

I often have dreams like that 

That I used

Or drank

Or smoked

And then woke up to sweet relief that it was all a dream

But this wasn't a dream 

It was real 

I made the choice to take that top

And walk out of that shop

I have no excuse

No plausible reason for doing this

I did it because I wanted the top

It was as simple and as stupid as that

I went to two meetings yesterday

The first was an AA meeting

I wasn't going to say anything at the meeting 

But it was a small one so I decided to share

I got very upset while speaking

As the weight of what had happened sat on my shoulders

Everyone was great

Told me not to best myself on

To learn from this and move on

The general consensus was that no one is a saint

And we all have moments of madness and do stupid things 

One of the women even offered me some money to put in a card to give to the shop owner

It was sweet of her

But I politely declined 

This was my mess to sort out

I returned home

Where my sister said that she needed to talk to me

I thought she had read yesterday's post

And that she knew

So I kind of put my foot in it

Because she hadn't

She had quite a bad reaction to it

First she got angry

And said some horrible things

But then that anger turned into disbelief and sadness

She just couldn't understand why I had done it

Either can I 

I don't blame her though

I seem to fuck up time and time again

I went to another meeting last night

Again it was a small meeting 

So I felt comfortable sharing

Some people there suggested I write a letter of apology

So that's what I did when I got home

I write a short note

Expressing my regret

And asked if there was anything I could do to make amends 

As I am willing to do that 

This shop was not some big chain store

It's a small family run business

Who are probably struggling as it is without the likes of me stealing their goods

So I would really jump at the chance of atonement 

But as bad as yesterday was 

I do realise that it could have been a whole lot worse 

That girl could have called the cops 

In fact I am wondering why she didn't

She was well within her rights to

When we were walking up to the shop

She seemed to calm down a lot

And was asking me question

I said as little as possible

Just apologising when I felt it was appropriate

I am so grateful to that girl for letting me go

I could be sitting in a police cell right now

And that would be an utter disaster 

Imagine if I had had to call my family from a cop station

And tel them that I had been arrested

It doesn't bear thinking about

So I guess the best thing to do

Is to take the learning out of this

And the lesson is well and truly learnt

I won't be be shoplifting again 

And if that is the only positive to come out of this 

Then maybe it was a blessing in disguise