There's something about Mary

I know 

I know

I've used that title once or twice before

But there really is something about Mary

As in my Mary

As in Mary my ED therapist

I'm seeing Mary once a week now

All in all I've been seeing her over three years now

She has been a life saver 

Literally

She has been there for me when I couldn't speak to anyone else

And she seems to have an uncanny knack of knowing when I am struggling 

Without me uttering a word 

I saw Mary yesterday

We always start off chatting about something unrelated to EDs

And this week it was eye sight and glasses

As I have just got new ones

We laughed about how we each had been going about life in blurry vision

And  now we could see!

Then it was down to business

First Mary wanted to know if I had been weighing myself

I said I had 

About two times this week

And in the last two weeks I thought I had gained a few pounds

She asked if she could weigh me

I begrudgingly agreed

Mary warned me that she had a new scale

And it was weighing 1kg heavier than her old scale

Oh great I thought to myself 

I stepped on to the scale 

But didn't look down at the number

All the while we were having a very interesting conversation about Scales 

I was telling Mary about last September when I weighed myself on my uncles scales

And saw a number I've never seen in my life before

A number that was so high I could barely comprehend it

Mary asked me what kind of scales it was

I told her it was a dial scale

She said they are notoriously unreliable

She told me that the most reliable scales are the old fashioned ones

You know the ones where they move the actual weight on the scale?

I found all this fascinating

Anyway

I sat back down

And Mary asked me what I thought my weight was

I gave her an estimate

And I was bang on

I asked her if it was a healthy weight for my height

And she worked out that my BMI is 21

I can live with that

Just about

The reason I can live with this number

Is that I have experienced the payoffs of being a healthy weight

Mary and I talked about when I first started seeing her

I was a shell of a person

I constantly felt sick, cold and weak

I felt hopeless 

And desperate

Now that I am of a healthy weight

My physical health as well as my mental health has drastically improved

I'm now strong

And able

And capable

The difference is night and day

Mary never lets me leave her office 

Without telling me how far I have come

She often mentions the conference I spoke at

And I can see the pride in her eyes 

She told me that whenever someone asks her if recovery is possible

And if they can get better

She says that yes it is possible

And she thinks of me

I was blown away by this

It was such a lovely thing to say

I guess by anyone's standards 

My life has changed immeasurably 

Mary always reminds me of where I have come from

And that's what my meetings do too

I think it's so important 

Because if I forget where I've cone from

I could end up back there very easily

Mary has been more than a therapist to me 

On some level

I would like to think that she is a friend

And a fellow fighter in this battle against my ED

She is the one professional in my life that I tell basically everything to

I tell my doctor bits

I tell Breda bits

But Mary?

She gets all the gory details 

All the bits that I am ashamed and embarrassed about

She's the one I told about my overdose last year

She's was first one I confided in when I was caught shoplifting 

I feel close enough to get to tell her these things

But she's also just far enough away to be objective

I know I am blessed

And I count my lucky stars that I have her in my life

I've seen countless therapists and counsellors over years

The one who told me I was 'emancipated' 

I think she meant to say emaciated 

The one who told me I was 'not that bad' when I had a BMI of 13

Oh yes

Thre have been many shocking ones

But Mary came in to my life at just the right time

They say don't quit 5 minutes before the miracle

And my miracle came just in the nick of time