What I achieved yesterday

Thank you all for the suggestion you made on topics to write about 

They were all great

And today's topic was suggested by the lovely Shelby

And it's about what I achieved today

Or actually what I achieved yesterday because it's only 10am here

So apart from crawling out of bed

I haven't done much

Anyway

Let's begin 

Yesterday was Thursday 4th June

First things first

The first thing I achieved was getting out of bed

I know this sounds like a minor thing

 But the way I feel sometimes in the morning

Getting up at all is an achievement 

Next

I brought Honey and Lea for a walk

Then brought my neighbours dog for a walk

Albeit a very short one

After a cup of tea

I went and had a sun bed session

It was then bearing 1pm

Time for my lunch time meeting

I had an argument in my head about whether to go or not

I stared in to the mirror 

Literally looking at myself

And having a fight with my own reflection

I know I should go

But what I really want to do is drive straight home and take a fistful of meds 

In the end

I did the right thing

And went to my meeting 

I arrived at AA late

I hate being late

I sat down 

And immediately felt anxious

It was only a small meeting

But I was dreading speaking

And in fact

I couldn't think of anything to talk about

So I decided I wouldn't speak at all

But then there was such a long silence after everyone else had spoken 

That I felt under a bit of pressure to speak

So I did

Which was an achievement in itself 

But I spoke from a place of fear and anxiety

So the words fell out of my mouth

And the weren't necessarily the words I wanted to speak 

I didn't say much

But I wasn't happy with what I said

The meeting finished up

And I headed home 

Even though it didn't go as planned

I was glad I went

Then in the car on the way home 

The post meeting analysis began

I began to take apart everything I had said 

Wondering what the others thought of me

Had I said anything wrong or offensive?

It was relentless 

I kept saying out loud

'Shut up' 

But my mind was in a frenzy

And I was mentally beating myself up

I got home

And again

My mind turned to meds

And yet again 

I had another argument with myself about whether to take a knock out amount

I knew I had Mary in a couple of hours

And I was so tempted to text her to cancel

But then I remembered that she had said she is extremely busy

And if I am going to cancel 

To give her plenty of notice

I didn't think it was fair to cancel

So I didn't 

Another achievement 

I  was so glad I went to see Mary

She is such a breath of fresh air 

And in talking to her 

I felt the pressure life from my head

Other things I achieved today.....

I didn't overuse my meds

I helped my sister make pasta

I didn't smoke 

I gave my mum some money towards housekeeping

I resisted the urge to Internet shop

I didn't bite the head off the shopkeeper that was rude to me

I ignored a call from The Boys friend 

What did you achieve today?