Friday, 26 June 2015

Tv Show Update

You might have noticed that I deleted a post about an email I got regarding taking part in a tv show
I received an email from a lady from a tv company called Levant Tv
Asking me if I would be willing to take part in a tv debate about eatingdisorders
That is to be recorded next Monday
I was suspicious of the email at first
As it was so general
Out of curiosity 
I emailed the lady back
A response came quickly
And it all sounded very professional
I did want to speak to someone before committing to anything 
So I emailed my phone number 
And asked her to give me a call
The call came in within minutes
And I spoke at length to the lady
She explained that Levant Tv is Lebannese 
And their shows are streamlined on line
As well as being shown on tv in some countries
She described how there would be a few people taking part in this particular show
A psychiatrist
An eating disorder clinic director
The mother of a young girl with an ED
And myself
This lady found me through my blog
And wants me to spread the message of hope
That there is light at the end of the tunnel
And that there is life beyond an ED

To me
This all sounds great
This is exactly the reason that I write my blog
To give others hope 
Yet give an honest and unflinching account of what it's like to live with an eating disorder
I can't lie
I am nervous beyond belief to do this
But more than wanting to do it
I feel I need to do it
I feel like it's my responsibility to speak for us 
For everyone one of you who is out there in your own little corner of the world 
Some suffering alone
And in silence
If I can give someone at least a little bit of hope
Then I am happy with that
I know when I first started trying to recover from drugs
It was so important to me that I saw someone who was doing it
Who was actively enjoying recovery
Not enduring it
Someone who had been there
Done that 
Bought the extra small t-shirt
It's so very important to see another human being achieving what we want to achieve 
Because then we know that it is possible
Then we know that it's real

Part of me is feeling like a bit of a fraud though
I mean
In all honesty
I am no poster girl for recovery
I still struggle on daily basis 
I am no where near recovered
But I guess that is a more realistic view of recovery
Recovery is a spectrum
We are all at different points
But we are all on it
What ever stage we are at
Recovery is not so black and white
There is a  huge grey area 
Where most of us reside
I hope to carry a message of hope
And also a realistic version of recovery
I just hope that I can do it justice
As you know
I am not a great speaker
I much prefer to write 
Then I can get the words out at my own pace 
Maybe the fact that I am on the phone will make it easier
I don't know

I had to send a photo of myself that they will show when I am speaking 
Now that was an ordeal
Which photo to choose?
Instead of trawling through them all
I used the first half decent one that o came across 
It was taken last winter 
I am out walking 
And the beach is in the background 
It'll do as they say

With all said
I am throwing the floor over to you
Are there any specific topics or areas that you think I should address?
Is there anything that you think is important to mention?
Any advice you could give the mother of the young girl?
Or anything they you think is worth mentioning?
Do let me know if you can think of anything 

I'm off to pace manically
And chew my finger nails 
As I await the up coming day.....


  1. Hi Ruby, kudos to you for having the courage to do something like this! I think you would be a great example of how dealing with an ED is a serious struggle, but that fighting it really is worth it and how we're each stronger than we may know. From my own personal experience, I feel like it's important for everyone, including health professionals, to know that EDs are very much a mental health issue about so much more than food. Anorexia/restrictive eating disorders in particular can't be "cured" by simply eating, and even though someone is a "healthy" weight doesn't mean that they are indeed healthy. And also just that being affected by an ED and asking for help is in no way shameful - they are like any other illness that can affect anyone regardless of sex, age, nationality, ethnicity, rich/poor, etc. and they are not a reflection of bad parenting, nor does having one mean that someone is "damaged goods". I know this all seems like such common knowledge to those of us who struggle with an ED, but I'm always surprised at how unaware the rest of society seems to be. Anyway, I've gone on far too long, sooooo….. Good Luck!! Amanda

    1. Thanks Amanda for your suggestions
      I will definitely try to cover those topics
      I think you are so right
      Regaining weight is not a cure
      The real work takes place in our minds
      I hope I can do this
      I can't lie
      I am so nervous
      But I just feel so responsible to speak for our community
      I just hope I can do a good job
      Pity you all can't hear it or see it

      Thanks again for the good luck thought x

    2. I think though, not always, "bad" parenting or environment does contribute a lot. It's not really a role of the dice. I couldn't even accept my family was dysfunctional when they totally were. It was blatantly obvious I was in total denial. When I accepted that I made more progress. I can't speak for everyone but in my recovery group most people had an upbringing with certain typical factors. Like its not always just bad luck.

    3. Hi, I totally didn't mean to discount the role of environmental factors, particularly family/home life and upbringing, but just that at the end of the day, EDs result from a complex set of factors, and no one person or thing is entirely responsible. And that in this situation it might be helpful to convey to the mother of the girl that rather than focus her time and energy on blaming herself for "giving" her daughter the ED, she would be better off trying to learn as much as she can about her daughter's issues and trying to change the negative environmental factors to the best of her ability. My mom kind of did the former when I was young and it just reinforced the aura of shame and guilt around all of it for me and the rest of my family. Amanda

    4. Good point. No good can come of pointing the finger.

  2. How much we "benefit" from our disorders. I get soooo much attention for my addiction to ever let go, at best i will manage to be ex-ed und ex-addict therefore it will still define my identity. My parent look after me and pay for everything although i am mid 20's. All i am is a disorder girl with great potential. But potential means nothing if its not turned into something. Maybe it could be a topic that no matter how horrid our sufering is, it is part of our identity and this makes it difficult to let go

    You go girl, also great input by Amanda above


    1. I can relate Josephine
      Sometimes it's hard to find a reason to recover
      When everything is so confortable in our lives
      I know I could live off my family for the rest of my life
      But I want to be independent
      I want to look after myself
      It's probably harder
      But more rewarding x

    2. And realistically your family might tolerate it but it would be nicer if they could set you on your way and close the door on the chapter. I have hated being a burden and I can see all (good)parents really do want their children to be independent adults even if they are very kind.

  3. Ruby

    I do think you've shown amazing recovery. Especially lately. None are perfect after all.

    You only need to tell the truth. That is all. Noone is let down by you and your story. It's amazing you share it with us.

    Maybe you purge a couple of times a day but that's so much better than 20x. And I reckon you'll stop. One day.

    You are hiking, you are cooking, you're blogging, youre being honest with your health profesionals. you are going for walks, you're being great

    Plus you're not knocking on heavens door so that is a triumph right there.

    I am partly Lebanese (though I'm an Aussie really) so I take it as a good sign.

    Keep us posted!!


    1. Thank your Shelby
      I appreciate your kind words
      I will tell my truth
      That's all I can do
      And hope that it helps someone
      If only just a little x

  4. My dear!
    I think you are perfect for it, you represent honest recovery. It's never shiny and pretty and "when you are better you're better" it's a stumbling struggle and to be honest, that is what people fail to see.

    It's not like a cold where when your symptoms disappear you are better. Here when your symptoms disappear you are still fighting against impulses and recurring negativity.

    The important thing is to truly realise that when you are recovering you are MORE in control than when you are not, even if it feels otherwise.
    You are above what the mental disorder makes you think is right in that reality-warping way.
    So often your ed makes you feel like control = fasting/purging/weighing/losing weight or inches etc when really the true control is stepping above that and living consciously in an undisordered way.

    I don't know what I'd say to the mother other than to try and make her realise what her child is really going through if she doesn't know already and just make her see how much her child needs support to get through this.

    You are amazing dear ruby ♥ I'd love to hear what you say.
    Keep us updated ^^
    Mandy xx

    1. Of course I will keep you updated Mandy
      And thank you for your continued support
      It's so good to have you back

      Much love x


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