Monday, 27 July 2015

Let down again.....

It's three days later after the whole date debacle
And I'm happy to report that I am well and truly on the mend 
I have built a nice big bridge
And am slowly but surely getting over it
Saturday I was quite distraught
But I can't tell you how glad I am that I stuck to my guns and didn't go along with his 'horny teenager' antics
Oh the relief is just immense 
I just have to keep telling myself 
This was only practise for the real thing
Which I'm sure will happen
All in good time

Through this whole thing
You my little blogger family have been there every step of the way
As well as my Mum and my sister
I couldn't have got through this without you all
And I am so grateful for that 
My 'best friend' has been no where to be seen
Even though she knew I was going on a date

She texted me Saturday
Wanting to know why she hadn't heard from me
I told her about the date 
She seemed more interested in her own stuff
It was then I got the call from The Plumber
So I texted my friend what he had said
I was starting to get really upset
So I decided to ring said friend
No answer
A few minutes later I got a text from her saying that she was hoovering and couldn't answer
What the......?
She texted me yesterday
Didn't mention the date 
I texted her that I wasn't feeling well
'What's that all about?' She texted back
I don't know guys 
Am I being overly sensitive?
I don't think so 
I spoke to my Mum about it
She said that if I want to be friends with this girl 
I have to accept that she is the way she is
I'm just not entirely sure I want a friend like this

I'm starting to think that I might be a push over
A door mat 
A people pleaser
Maybe I need to toughen up
Stand up for myself 
Because it seems to be a pattern now that people are walking all over me
And I don't like it 

To be honest
I am more hurt by my friend
The Plumber was just a random guy
Chancing his arm
My friend is a different story 
She should know better
She should know a lot better
I remember reading somewhere once 
That people treat you the way you let them
And I think I've been letting people treat me like shit
This has to stop
And I must stop it

Instead of worrying about people who are not worth worrying about 
I'm going to throw myself head first in to my recovery
I'm going to bang in the meetings
Focus on myself 
And getting stronger
Stick with the winners as they say
It's tough
But I guess we have to be picky about who we choose to have in our lives 
Who we spend time with
Who we tell our secrets to
Who we listen to
Who we confide in 
Because people are human 
They are not infallible 
We make mistakes
We hurt others 
And we get hurt
But I think there comes a point where you have to draw a line and start looking after ourselves
Protect ourselves from these kind of people
I guess it's down to me to decide who I allow in to my life
But I don't live in a big city 
Where I can avoid people if I want to
And make new friends easily
I live in a small town 
Where I am bound to run in to these people at some point
But hey 
I will cross that bridge when I come to it

I also forgot to tell you
When I was in Belfast
My friend texted me and asked me why I wasn't texting her back 
I told her why
She turned the whole thing back on me
And said I had stood her up many times
And that she was always there for me
We were texting back and forth 
I could tell she was pissed 
But I actually ended up apologising to her
How f**ked up is that?

I'm not looking for a whole lot of friends
I don't care how many Facebook friends I have
I just want a couple of people who I can trust and rely on
In actual fact 
I do have that
I have my friend from treatment who is a true friend
And my other friend Paul 
Who I've known since I moved here
They are both a lot older than me
I think I tend to get on better with older people 
So at least I know that 

For now 
I will tend to my wounds 
And let myself heal
As they say
Once bitten 
Twice shy
And I've been bitten more than one person should 


  1. I'm so sorry that your friends being a jerk. I had a friend the same and she always stood me up and only caught up when it was convenient. I did apologise to her at one point for reasons similar. But, towards the end I couldn't deal with the crap anymore as she was so unreliable. I told her to fuck off and I'm so glad I did.
    You're friend doesn't sound like someone who will support you and she hasn't through the whole date fiasco.
    I would suggest cutting ties, but if you do run into her just say hi and not much else.
    Take good care of yourself dear. The meetings should provide you with plenty of support.
    Keeping you in my thoughts xx

    1. Thanks for the advice Anne
      I was just talking it over with my sister too
      I'm definitely going to pull back from this girl
      While I decide what to do about the whole situation
      It's a one sided friendship
      And that's just not ok with me x

  2. That friend doesn't sound very nice, to be honest. Sure, she is the way she is and we all have to compromise in our relationships with others, but only to a certain degree.

    1. I am a fiercely loyal friend CP
      And all I ask is the same in return
      I just feel emotionally wrecked after that last few days
      Thank God that I have a strong family around me
      Both in real life
      And on blogger x

  3. Sounds like the plumber was a jerk. Sadly, I think 90% of all the guys I have ever dated were like that. Hopefully better luck next time.

    Is this the same friend from a few weeks ago? It sounds like you're putting a lot more effort into this friendship than she is, which is not very fair on you.

    1. Yes Mich
      Unfortunately he was
      I guess you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince

      I know
      This girl has hurt me one too many times
      It's time I stood up for myself x

  4. this would be too much hard work for me,friendship is supposed to make you feel better not worse,i would just stop contacting her you don't have to waste energy falling out,then it doesn't have to be an issue if you bump into each other.. i love hoovering, but seriously!!? xxx jo x

    1. I know right?
      I mean hoovering?
      I have taken a step back from her
      So I guess we will see what happens next x

  5. Friendship should be give and take. Not always 50/50 all the time (we all have our rough patches where needing more is normal) but if you look at the long term and you're giver and she's the taker, it's healthy to step back. Confronting her probably won't change anything about her mindset (if vacuuming and tanning are more important than you, there's not much to work with) so if going at it head-on doesn't feel good to you, just stop engaging with her. She clearly knows how to manipulate you, so if she asks why you haven't been in touch just say something bland. You're busy, you've got a lot going on, etc etc. Give her as little as possible to twist around on you.

    Invest in the friendships where they are investing in you, too.

    1. I am most definitely the giver in this relationship
      And lately my gut feeling has been to run in the opposite direction from this girl
      It just doesn't feel right
      And yes
      She does know how to manipulate me X

  6. does this friend have much history with you,have you shared much of your past? will you miss her if not, move on.nothings forever, do what makes you have much to give a true friend x

    1. We've known each other for a few years
      We met through the meetings
      She also has an addiction and ED past
      So we had a lot in common
      But not so much anymore
      I feel we are growing apart lately
      Would I miss her?
      I definitely wouldn't miss the emotional blackmail
      That's for sure x

  7. I think this is a lot to do with your recovery Ruby. I have noticed that I have lost a few friends who I would've called 'dear' once up a time. But this has happened since I started to truly recover and learn what it is to live live and not just exist. As my wonderful therapist said "Yes it's sad, but you are a different person to when you first met x", and she's right.

    There is no doubt that I think you change once you've been ill and made the choice to recover. The empowerment which comes from realising that you are not your disease strengthens you and changes you into something which you never thought you could be. Only those who have been so very ill and then begun to blossom again can understand it. I know that with me, when I started to recover and got rid of the rubbish in my head, I started to look at my life and got rid of the rubbish in that too - friends who take take take, family members who are selfish, the job that I hated. I'm now in a job that I love, doing a sport that I love and choosing to spend my time with people that I love too. There's no harm in sifting out the badness in your life Ruby - it's part of the process xx

    1. Thank you for this L
      Don't have a lot of words today
      But thank you x

  8. You don't have to justify or blame.
    If it doesn't feel right, then it's not right.
    Just walk away.
    I have let go tonnes of friends and I don't regret it.
    X shelby

    1. I don't know Shelby
      I feel so tired today
      Emotionally wrecked x

    2. Sorry to hear it. But I do notice some people have a tendency to crash emotionally after a few big days. It happens to me too. I'm not sure why. Have a.few resting days and see own you feel then. Thinking of you,

  9. I think this was all a good experience for you. I've gone out on dates and eaten the free food and done the flirting and conversation and then just been thoroughly unimpressed with the assumption things were going that way and basically it just helped me field those kind of guys next time. It's really just a learning experience and plus, he thought you were cute and cool when he invited you which means that lots of other guys, respectful guys, definitely think so too! Think of it as a fun and awkward part of normal life that you just crashed into. It means you really are in recovery! I once had a friend take me home from a party and when we arrived at my dorm on campus he said "I really want to have sex with you." I looked at him and said, "hold on" and then opened his car door and barfed haha. It probably sounds gross and embarrassing but I think it's hilarious and what he got for having ulterior motives. :) good job sticking to your guns. In regards to your friend, I have one that kind d of does the same thing and basically I just tell her how I feel and then let her stew about it. It ends with us apologizing and all that but I think you should respect yourself as you want to and tell her how you feel. If it doesn't work, then you don't need that person in your life. You're growing a lot and that's so cool to see.

    1. Thanks Eve
      I guess this is all part of life
      Although my food has suffered a lot through all of this
      Don't have a lot of words today x

  10. I was reading your experience with the date.. and it reminded me so much of the first guy I ever dated (well 3 dates total). The first date was just dinner and he spent the entire time talking about himself.. that wasn't the date it reminded me of. The 2nd one we went to get ice cream and then he invited me back to his place, and I had made the mistake of letting him pick me up from school rather than taking my car. Well of course he basically pounced me.. and I did the same thing and told him to back off.. and he did for a few minutes.. and then started trying to make out with me again. I finally said I needed to go back to school (which wasn't a lie actually). Had to repeat that a couple times to get him to take me back. Well, after that the 3rd "date" consisted of watching rather offensive videos on youtube at his apartment (we did not have similar senses of humor apparently). Anyway, I looked him up on facebook a couple months later, and he was listed as engaged to some woman. So I have the feeling he was seeing someone else the whole time. I mean in retrospect I am very relieved he stopped texting me because I might have kept seeing him if he'd asked just because I wanted someone to spend time with, but really I hated being around him. I mean he showed me a video of himself being pepper sprayed on our first date..

    The friend thing.. I have had problems with friends (one or two in particular) that mainly got a lot worse when I quit drinking. One friend would go days without answering texts and always have some excuse for it, but she would be upset if I didn't answer hers.. she got a bit paranoid about it. Anything I said, she might take badly, and I'd end up apologizing... like I'd apologize for being upset that she was hours late to meet me. I went to all sorts of lengths to keep her happy and take care of her, and when I got sober at some point I realized how ridiculous it was.. we don't talk now. It's actually a lot more complicated than that, but I think I have healthier boundaries now.. and I realized friendships are supposed to be a give/take sort of thing.. and I've had many that were not (and I've been on the taking side too). For a long time I think I needed to have friends no matter how they treated me, and now I'm ok with only a couple and only rarely seeing them. Mainly my social interactions are with coworkers now.

    1. Thanks for sharing this with me
      I appreciate it
      It seems a lot changes
      Including friends
      When we start to recover
      I haven't decided what to do yet but I will keep you posted x

    2. Not a time to make a big decision x shelby


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