And then she recovered.......: Let down again.....

Monday, 27 July 2015

Let down again.....

It's three days later after the whole date debacle

And I'm happy to report that I am well and truly on the mend

I have built a nice big bridge

And am slowly but surely getting over it

Saturday I was quite distraught

But I can't tell you how glad I am that I stuck to my guns and didn't go along with his 'horny teenager' antics

Oh the relief is just immense

I just have to keep telling myself

This was only practise for the real thing

Which I'm sure will happen

All in good time

Through this whole thing

You my little blogger family have been there every step of the way

As well as my Mum and my sister

I couldn't have got through this without you all

And I am so grateful for that

My 'best friend' has been no where to be seen

Even though she knew I was going on a date

She texted me Saturday

Wanting to know why she hadn't heard from me

I told her about the date

She seemed more interested in her own stuff

It was then I got the call from The Plumber

So I texted my friend what he had said

I was starting to get really upset

So I decided to ring said friend

No answer

A few minutes later I got a text from her saying that she was hoovering and couldn't answer

What the......?

She texted me yesterday

Didn't mention the date

I texted her that I wasn't feeling well

'What's that all about?' She texted back

I don't know guys

Am I being overly sensitive?

I don't think so

I spoke to my Mum about it

She said that if I want to be friends with this girl

I have to accept that she is the way she is

I'm just not entirely sure I want a friend like this

I'm starting to think that I might be a push over

A door mat

A people pleaser

Maybe I need to toughen up

Stand up for myself

Because it seems to be a pattern now that people are walking all over me

And I don't like it

To be honest

I am more hurt by my friend

The Plumber was just a random guy

Chancing his arm

My friend is a different story

She should know better

She should know a lot better

I remember reading somewhere once

That people treat you the way you let them

And I think I've been letting people treat me like shit

This has to stop

And I must stop it

Instead of worrying about people who are not worth worrying about

I'm going to throw myself head first in to my recovery

I'm going to bang in the meetings

Focus on myself

And getting stronger

Stick with the winners as they say

It's tough

But I guess we have to be picky about who we choose to have in our lives

Who we spend time with

Who we tell our secrets to

Who we listen to

Who we confide in

Because people are human

They are not infallible

We make mistakes

We hurt others

And we get hurt

But I think there comes a point where you have to draw a line and start looking after ourselves

Protect ourselves from these kind of people

I guess it's down to me to decide who I allow in to my life

But I don't live in a big city

Where I can avoid people if I want to

And make new friends easily

I live in a small town

Where I am bound to run in to these people at some point

But hey

I will cross that bridge when I come to it

I also forgot to tell you

When I was in Belfast

My friend texted me and asked me why I wasn't texting her back

I told her why

She turned the whole thing back on me

And said I had stood her up many times

And that she was always there for me

We were texting back and forth

I could tell she was pissed

But I actually ended up apologising to her

How f**ked up is that?

I'm not looking for a whole lot of friends

I don't care how many Facebook friends I have

I just want a couple of people who I can trust and rely on

In actual fact

I do have that

I have my friend from treatment who is a true friend

And my other friend Paul

Who I've known since I moved here

Interestingly

They are both a lot older than me

I think I tend to get on better with older people

So at least I know that

For now

I will tend to my wounds

And let myself heal

As they say

Once bitten

Twice shy

And I've been bitten more than one person should

23 comments:

Anonymous27 July 2015 at 05:01
I'm so sorry that your friends being a jerk. I had a friend the same and she always stood me up and only caught up when it was convenient. I did apologise to her at one point for reasons similar. But, towards the end I couldn't deal with the crap anymore as she was so unreliable. I told her to fuck off and I'm so glad I did.
You're friend doesn't sound like someone who will support you and she hasn't through the whole date fiasco.
I would suggest cutting ties, but if you do run into her just say hi and not much else.
Take good care of yourself dear. The meetings should provide you with plenty of support.
Keeping you in my thoughts xx
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cursum perficio27 July 2015 at 06:00
That friend doesn't sound very nice, to be honest. Sure, she is the way she is and we all have to compromise in our relationships with others, but only to a certain degree.
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Mich27 July 2015 at 10:05
Sounds like the plumber was a jerk. Sadly, I think 90% of all the guys I have ever dated were like that. Hopefully better luck next time.

Is this the same friend from a few weeks ago? It sounds like you're putting a lot more effort into this friendship than she is, which is not very fair on you.
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Anonymous27 July 2015 at 10:29
this would be too much hard work for me,friendship is supposed to make you feel better not worse,i would just stop contacting her you don't have to waste energy falling out,then it doesn't have to be an issue if you bump into each other.. i love hoovering, but seriously!!? xxx jo x
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Tempest27 July 2015 at 10:50
Friendship should be give and take. Not always 50/50 all the time (we all have our rough patches where needing more is normal) but if you look at the long term and you're giver and she's the taker, it's healthy to step back. Confronting her probably won't change anything about her mindset (if vacuuming and tanning are more important than you, there's not much to work with) so if going at it head-on doesn't feel good to you, just stop engaging with her. She clearly knows how to manipulate you, so if she asks why you haven't been in touch just say something bland. You're busy, you've got a lot going on, etc etc. Give her as little as possible to twist around on you.

Invest in the friendships where they are investing in you, too.
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Anonymous27 July 2015 at 12:31
does this friend have much history with you,have you shared much of your past? will you miss her if not, move on.nothings forever, do what makes you happy.you have much to give a true friend x
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Anonymous27 July 2015 at 14:32
I think this is a lot to do with your recovery Ruby. I have noticed that I have lost a few friends who I would've called 'dear' once up a time. But this has happened since I started to truly recover and learn what it is to live live and not just exist. As my wonderful therapist said "Yes it's sad, but you are a different person to when you first met x", and she's right.

There is no doubt that I think you change once you've been ill and made the choice to recover. The empowerment which comes from realising that you are not your disease strengthens you and changes you into something which you never thought you could be. Only those who have been so very ill and then begun to blossom again can understand it. I know that with me, when I started to recover and got rid of the rubbish in my head, I started to look at my life and got rid of the rubbish in that too - friends who take take take, family members who are selfish, the job that I hated. I'm now in a job that I love, doing a sport that I love and choosing to spend my time with people that I love too. There's no harm in sifting out the badness in your life Ruby - it's part of the process xx
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Anonymous27 July 2015 at 19:29
You don't have to justify or blame.
If it doesn't feel right, then it's not right.
Just walk away.
I have let go tonnes of friends and I don't regret it.
X shelby
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Eve27 July 2015 at 19:38
I think this was all a good experience for you. I've gone out on dates and eaten the free food and done the flirting and conversation and then just been thoroughly unimpressed with the assumption things were going that way and basically it just helped me field those kind of guys next time. It's really just a learning experience and plus, he thought you were cute and cool when he invited you which means that lots of other guys, respectful guys, definitely think so too! Think of it as a fun and awkward part of normal life that you just crashed into. It means you really are in recovery! I once had a friend take me home from a party and when we arrived at my dorm on campus he said "I really want to have sex with you." I looked at him and said, "hold on" and then opened his car door and barfed haha. It probably sounds gross and embarrassing but I think it's hilarious and what he got for having ulterior motives. :) good job sticking to your guns. In regards to your friend, I have one that kind d of does the same thing and basically I just tell her how I feel and then let her stew about it. It ends with us apologizing and all that but I think you should respect yourself as you want to and tell her how you feel. If it doesn't work, then you don't need that person in your life. You're growing a lot and that's so cool to see.
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hiding_in_public27 July 2015 at 23:11
I was reading your experience with the date.. and it reminded me so much of the first guy I ever dated (well 3 dates total). The first date was just dinner and he spent the entire time talking about himself.. that wasn't the date it reminded me of. The 2nd one we went to get ice cream and then he invited me back to his place, and I had made the mistake of letting him pick me up from school rather than taking my car. Well of course he basically pounced me.. and I did the same thing and told him to back off.. and he did for a few minutes.. and then started trying to make out with me again. I finally said I needed to go back to school (which wasn't a lie actually). Had to repeat that a couple times to get him to take me back. Well, after that the 3rd "date" consisted of watching rather offensive videos on youtube at his apartment (we did not have similar senses of humor apparently). Anyway, I looked him up on facebook a couple months later, and he was listed as engaged to some woman. So I have the feeling he was seeing someone else the whole time. I mean in retrospect I am very relieved he stopped texting me because I might have kept seeing him if he'd asked just because I wanted someone to spend time with, but really I hated being around him. I mean he showed me a video of himself being pepper sprayed on our first date..

The friend thing.. I have had problems with friends (one or two in particular) that mainly got a lot worse when I quit drinking. One friend would go days without answering texts and always have some excuse for it, but she would be upset if I didn't answer hers.. she got a bit paranoid about it. Anything I said, she might take badly, and I'd end up apologizing... like I'd apologize for being upset that she was hours late to meet me. I went to all sorts of lengths to keep her happy and take care of her, and when I got sober at some point I realized how ridiculous it was.. we don't talk now. It's actually a lot more complicated than that, but I think I have healthier boundaries now.. and I realized friendships are supposed to be a give/take sort of thing.. and I've had many that were not (and I've been on the taking side too). For a long time I think I needed to have friends no matter how they treated me, and now I'm ok with only a couple and only rarely seeing them. Mainly my social interactions are with coworkers now.
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And then she recovered.......

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Monday, 27 July 2015

Let down again.....

23 comments:

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