Sunday, 26 July 2015

Over before it even started

So yesterday was tough
During the day 
I took some time to recover from the stress of the whole date situation 
I called over to my neighbour
I thought she would be interested to hear about the date 
Seeing as she had a hand in getting us together
Her reaction was very strange
At first when I told her 
She seemed really confused
Like she didn't know what to say
Then she asked me if I was sure he didn't have a girlfriend hidden away somewhere
And quickly changed the subject
I left
Feeling like something felt fishy about the whole situation

Then last night he rang 
I missed the call
And rang him back about 40 minutes later
Straight off he said that he'd had a nice time the night before 
But didn't want to take things further
I didn't know what to say
So I said I felt the same way too
And that it would probably be best if we stayed friends
I got off the phone
Feeling a little  shell shocked
The first thing I thought was thank God I didn't go along with him the night before
Thank God I stuck to my guns and out a stop to it
As I am now thinking that he was only after one thing
And that he possibly still has a girlfriend 

Even though I wasn't sure if I liked him or not
I still felt hurt and rejected 
I had told everyone that the date went well
And I just felt so stupid and used
Of course it's his perogative whether he likes me or not
But the reaction of my neighbour
And him pouncing on me
It just doesn't add up

I won't lie
I almost fell apart last night
I shed a few tears 
Spoke to my mother and my sister 
The general consensus was that he wasn't worth my tears
But I still felt stung
I mean
I can't stress how much of a big deal it was for me to go on this date
I was so anxious that I hadn't eaten for two and a half days
The whole thing has just left a bad taste in my mouth

I went to bed early last night
And wine in the early hours with trapped wind 
I was so uncomfortable 
I kept having to go to the bathroom
It finally disapated this morning 
Over all I feel better this morning 
Last night I felt like such a failure
Such a freak
That no one could like or love me
I went from zero to suicidal very quickly 
I also craved drugs like nobodies business 
Anything just to get away from these horrible feelings

So that's it
It's over before it even started
It's left me feeling confused and rejecrted 
And pretty sure that he still has a girlfriend 
I'm just sorry that he picked me to use 
As I really don't have the emotional strength for this kind of thing
This morning I feel a little better
Determined to pick myself up and move on
I've decided to throw myself in to my recovery 
And improving myself 
So that the next time this happens 
I will be in a better position to deal with it

My first date hasn't been a great experience
But then he didn't know that 
As ever
I will keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep going 
It's just hard to stay positive all the time
It's hard to stay together
But I will 
What other choice do I have?


  1. sorry ruby thats really unfair, just know that its not you,just one of those things don't let it set you back. there are lots of nice guys out there and when you feel ready i know you will find one who deserves you.txt or email if you like a chat. hope you ok? love you lots, jo xxx

    1. Thanks Jo
      My Mum said the exact same thing
      It's not a nice feeling
      And it becomes even harder to believe that anyone could like me
      But at least I wasn't strung along
      And I know where things stand
      Might give you a text later on Jo x

  2. Ah, how sucky :(

    See it as an experience and move on. I believe that there is at least one person out there just for you; not all men are douchebags!

    1. It majorly sucks CP
      But I will chalk it up to experience
      I feel a lot better today
      And indulged in a little retail therapy
      Never fails to make me feel better x

    2. Glad you're OK! !

    3. I am ok
      Or at least I will be X

  3. I wrote you a beautiful message but then my phone died and I lost it but can basically be summed up the following way:


    Ruby I've just spent 2 weeks totally feeling like s%÷×
    due to some perceived failure so I know how these things can spin out of control. Just lay low for a while and I'm sure you'll feel brighter soon. This guy isn't worth it. And him not wanting a further date is more about him wanting a quick and easy lay.

    He was a very inconsiderate man. for example, why ask you what film you wanted to see and then railroad over that idea? Also he should have walked you to the car at least! Also he shouldn't have acted like a horny teenager. And honestly what is wrong with a cafe date? You didn't ask him for an abbotoir tour. I'm thinking he didn't want to run into anyone in broad daylight. He was hoping just to squirrel you in and out of the cinema.

    I just wish you had been the one to say "not interested pal".

    One foot in front of the other. I'm thinking of you ruby from the other side of the world, I Truly am.

    Shelby <3

    1. We came to that conclusion here too Shelby
      That he didn't want to be seen in broad daylight with me
      Because he most likely has a girlfriend
      And was using me for some reason to make her jealous

      But maybe he just didn't like me
      Whatever the reason
      I am building a bridge
      And getting over it
      I won't let one inconsiderate horns teenager as you call him, ruin my day x

  4. Ah Ruby sweetie, everything happens for a reason, don't hang your pretty and very clever head !!!
    This guy has no idea how much you have invested into the occasion of meeting him, big fat well done you for being so strong and courageous to leap into the unknown. I think us girls are perfectly capable of having a fulfilling ( and accomplished even) life without a partner as we simply don't miss what we don't have. I suspect most boys are different and the physical aspect of relationship is inseparable. There's however no excuse for him to come onto you so heavy without reading the signals that you were looking for a connection and someone you can trust and be yourself with!. I guess that would make him an unsuitable match for you, for most of us with complicated minds and interesting lives anyway!
    Am I patronising? I am so so sorry if I am, but I have been in relationships where I would have done anything ( yes, even THAT) to get and keep a guy because I was so desperately lonely and hating myself that I wanted someone to just like me and fill a void. Needless to say, with the good old pride absent, it ended up a disaster, sometimes even prolonged and more so a painful one.
    SOOO! Where was I? Oh yes. I just wanted you to know that I understand how shitty and cheap and later disappointed you must have felt. I promise you it will get better, you are making it better with your willpower and honesty and positive attitude and your family and friends and this little big blog crowd behind you...
    Please take care, smile and talk soon k xxx

    1. Thanks K
      I can't tell you how glad I am that I didn't go along with his horny teenager antics
      And you know what?
      If I'd been drinking or using I probably would have
      Thanks to being clean and sober I was able to set my boundaries and say NO

      Thanks for your support x

  5. Why on earth did your neighbor play matchmaker if he was messing around?? That confuses me, and played into the thought that he could be a good guy.

    I'm so, so sorry that this happened and that you're hurting so much. You did nothing wrong.

    You did NOTHING wrong.

    His problems are not about you or your desirability. His problems, whatever they are, are about him.

    If you want to hold off on romance for a while, another option is to focus on building your friendships. Good friends makes life fuller; they are the ones you can run to, to remind you of your worth when some asshole ditches you after one date (though it is a relief that he didn't just leave you hanging). I am a firm believer that if you value friendship without expecting something more, you may just stumble into the right person through those friendships. If you know someone already, you don't have quite the same questions hanging around because you already know they don't have a girlfriend hiding in a closet somewhere, you might even have seen them through other relationships and know how they treat their significant others and how they handled the breakup. It also takes away the high stakes of the getting to know you phase: you don't have to wonder what kinds of movies they like, where they go for coffee, little things like that.

    I realize that other people are more adventurous about dating, but that's where I stand with it right now. Boyfriends may come and go, but a good friend is for life. And what else is the right man but a best friend that you also want to get frisky with? ;)

    1. Yes Tempest
      You make a lot of sense
      Actually all the while this has been going on my so called friend has been no where to be seen
      I rang her last night to talk
      And age texted that she couldn't answer because she was hoovering
      What the.....?
      So yes
      I really need to evaluate all my relationships at the moment
      I feel so let down by this girl
      I'll fill you in when I post tomorrow

      Thanks Tempest x

    2. Oh dear, is that the same "friend" that's been playing games lately (the coffee/tanning story)? I wish I could give you a giant hug and make you a cup of tea.

    3. -!?

      What kind of git-idiot runs the hoover w/a ph

      Tempest love, whilst you're administering hands-on to Rubs, I'll put MY hands on this chick's neck [rather AROUND it, (to STRANGLE her, s l o w l y)] …then I'd join you-!!Jils ; )

    4. My kind of teamwork, Jils :P

    5. :D :D

      Cheers-! It's a date then-!! >; )
      <3 Jils

  6. I'm proud of you for going and putting yourself out there, but so sorry for the way it ended.
    It does sound odd with your neighbour's reaction. I hope it won't set you back. I think focusing on recovery is a good idea.
    He wasn't the right one and that's okay, I'm sure the right one will come when you're lest expecting it.
    As they say, plenty of fish in the sea. You deserve much better.
    Take care of yourself dear. Xx

    1. I hope so Anne
      But for now I'm going to take a break from dating
      And focus on my friendships and starting my course x

  7. What was your neighbour playing at matchmaking you together if she knew maybe he had a girlfriend already?! Like you say, it doesn't add up.

    I am so so very sorry for you Ruby that things did not turn out beautifully. But then that's dating and life for you. You have to stay strong through this particular storm. You are number one and have to take care of yourself, put yourself first and be ok. I have so much love for you and am rooting for you to make it through this blip. You're bound to be hurting like crazy after being treated in such a way, but I hope that in time the pain dies down for you. I'm here for you if I can do anything at all, don't hesitate to get in touch lovely. Thinking of you so much and sending comforting hugs to you xoxo

    1. Thanks Annie
      I appreciate your kind words
      I feel better already today
      And feel able to just put this whole debacle behind me
      I know you Are there
      And they means so much
      Thank you x

  8. Oh dear.
    *sound of a balloon deflating*

    Why the shit would your neighbor set you up if she thinks he has a girlfriend?!

    I can understand why you'd be feeling upset. I know how much of a big deal it was for you, and dipping your toes back into the dating world is never going to be easy. I think you're right to focus on yourself and your recovery as a priority over relationships. When the time is right, it'll happen.

    Lots of love to you dear <3

    1. I hope so Bells
      It was really was a big deal for me
      Thank you for your support
      It means a lot x

  9. I'm so sorry this happened to you! I haven't even bothered to date since getting sober because I just know I'm not emotionally ready for it, I'd be a complete mess. But I applaud you for deciding to just pick yourself up and move on in recovery. I don't know why the guy was so sketchy, or why your neighbour acted so weird, but that is fishy. You can probably do much better anyways, from the sounds of him.

    Just remember you are an amazing person!

    Much love, xx.

    1. I don't think I am ready either
      Not one little bit

      Good to hear from you hun
      Hope all ok x

  10. Ay, Rubly…
    Don't rightly kno what to say, except that I'm so very sorry that you got hurt!! (> <,) It really does make my heart sad to imagine you crying--& especially over this WASTE OF SPACE posing as a human being!!! Ok, that's a bit harsh & I'm out of order--im just so frustrated & therefore lashing out.
    I kno "life on life's terms" (said in a snarky voix & w/the requisite accompanying eyeroll) is sposedta be a gd thg, [or @ least 'HEALTHY'] but sorry, this fairly SUCKS (massive ones)!!! : (

    Despite what I've said about crying, how & ever do NOT be afraid of your tears; you'll feel better, & AW G-D did gv them to us for a reason-! Besides that, ENNATHG is better than holding your true feelings in--repressed feelings tend to manifest in worser ways once they erupt of their own volition…(but OC we kno absolutely NOTHING abt THAT, hunh)-?! :/

    Oh Hun, I just want u to be Ok again--i kno u [soon?] will be, I just want it NAO-!! [Pers reference-! : )]
    But seriously, take all the time u need--it'll take as long as it DOES, there is no time limit. You need this oppty to mourn (Yes, 'MOURN'!) over this loss; tho in the grand scheme it was a relatively short chunk of your life, it was still significant EMOTIONALLY--don't discredit that nor feel ashamed for needing to work thru it all: It's the healthy & right thg to do.

    I feel bad for what befell you, but I actually feel PITY for this CREEPY* guy! (*how DARE he jump you!!?) >:(] After all, he'll never kno the TREASURE he missed out on in not getting to kno you properly… a true Real Life TRAGEDY, that……

    (((the Hugs of LIFE-!!))) Jils X


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