Friday, 24 July 2015

Truth is stranger than fiction

It's the morning after the night before 
You guys
I actually went!
I can't quite believe it!
On my gosh
Yesterday was tough
My anxiety was through the freakin' roof
I walked the dogs in the morning
Went in to town in the afternoon
Saw Mary at 2pm
Told her about my date
She was super excited for me
Which was nice
She told me it was completely natural to be nervous 
But I was anxious to the point where I was hoping he wouldn't call
I was actually praying that he didn't like me
And because I was going out 
I didn't want to take my meds
And risk being all sleepy and dopey
So I was on high alert all day

I got home from town at about 4 30pm
I was so keyed up that I couldn't eat a thing
Then I realised that I couldn't remember if we said I was going to text him
Or if he was going to text me
So I agonised over that for a couple of hours
My sister was away
So I only had my Mum here for support
But she was great 
And helped me every step of the way
I decided to wait for him to text
And he did
At about 6 30pm

Hey you want to go to cinema at 8 15pm or 11pm?

Part of me was glad he texted 
Part of me wasn't
I texted back

8 15pm I guess, if that suits you?

A few minutes later he rang 
And we arranged to meet outside the cinema 
I said I would give him a ring when I got there

All too soon it was time to get ready
To save on time and stress 
I had already picked out what I was going to wear
Blue sleeveless shirt
Blue ripped jeans 
My Roxy sneakers 
And black leather jacket
But smart
I straightened my hair
And wore minimal make up
Before I knew it
It was time to go

But I had one dilemma
I was meeting him there
And I wasn't 100% sure what he looked like
So I had to come up with a strategy
I decided to arrive early
As I was to ring him when I arrived
My plan was to wait just inside the door
And be on my phone when he came in
So he would have to come up to me and say my name 
I could imagine myself wandering up to single men saying
Are you The Plumber?
Are you The Plumber?

The hardest part was actually getting from my front door to the car
I really didn't want to go
But all I could think was that it would all be over in a few hours 
And I would kick myself if I didn't go
So I said goodbye to my Mum
My dogs were sound asleep
Completely oblivious that their Mama was going on a date 
For a moment I wished I could swap places with one of them 
I got my shit together
Grabbed my car keys
And headed out in to the big bad world of dating

Once I got in my car 
I was surprisingly calm
I was thinking about the most bizarre things
My head really was in a strange place
I arrived about 8 10pm
Positioned myself just inside the cinema door 
Took out my phone
And pretended that I was sending some very important texts
I rang him
Told him where I was
And waited

You know the way when you speak to someone on the phone first
You kind of build up a picture of them in your head?
Well I had an image of what he looked like
I knew he was tall
But apart from that I had no clue what he looked like
I looked up from my phone
And saw a white van with blacked out windows 
I suspected that was him
So I went back to my phone
I could sense him approaching 
I braced myself 

Hello Ruby?

Yea hey?

We headed in to the cinema
Got our tickets 
He paid which was nice
He got a drink
I just couldn't stomach anything 
We headed in
We were the only people there 
In the whole cinema
We took our seats 
And I took of my jacket as I was starting to sweat
Conversation flowed
We chatted easily
Laughed at the fact that we had the whole cinema to ourselves
And bonus
He was really cute
Nice smile
Kind eye
Things were looking up...

The film started
As I said in previous posts
I was not thrilled about going to see Amy
But I had kind of prepared myself to be disconnected
So I wouldn't get upset
The documentary was great though
So much amazing footage
But it was so very sad
At times I had to remind myself that this was really her life
And not fiction
I just find the whole thing incredibly upsetting
I followed her career
Watched her rise to fame 
And her spectacular downfall
To be honest
I was glad when it was over

We both stretched 
And got up from our seats 
We headed outside
I was kind of afraid he would suggest going for a drink
But he didn't

Do you want to come back to mine for tea or are you heading home?

I decided what the hell?
I could go for an innocent cup of tea
So I followed him in my car back to his house
He lives on his own 
And has a really lovely house
Typical blokes house
Sparse and bare
With a huge f**k off tv
And various computer consoles 
He turned on the tv
Made tea 
And settled on the couch
Conversation came pretty easily 
I felt relaxed 
Even when he turned off the main light and switched on a low lamp
I managed to stay cool
We were watching a show about a hypnotist
Which was good as it was funny
As soon as it was over
You guys!!!
He totally jumped my bones!
I swear I didn't even see it coming!
One minute we were just sitting there
The next he had pounced on me!
I felt like I'd been hit by Mike Tyson
Holy shit I really wasn't expecting that
I went along with it
Up to a certain point
When i started to feel uncomfortable I kind off pushed him off
And put a stop to his wandering hands
I mean he was going from zero to 60 very freakin' quickly

Go easy I said
Calm down a bit

He got the message and backed off 
I was honest
I said I hadn't done this in a long time 
So he really needed to pace himself 
He got the message
And I was glad 
I just can't even go there in my mind 
And I was a bit annoyed that he had put me in that position
I mean maybe this is what happens 
Maybe I am being naive thinking that good old fashioned manners are still practised
I really don't know

I decided to head home
And said so
He leaned in again
I gave a little 
A very little
And pushed him off again
By now he had definitely got the message
I put on my jacket
And managed to nearly fall flat on my face as my foot caught in the strap of my bag
Typical me
Graceful to the bitter end 

Needless to say
Things were a bit awkward after that 
I tyres to compose myself 
And stood up to leave
I walked over to the double doors to leave the living room
But the door wouldn't open 
I was pulling it and pushing it but it wouldn't budge

Eh it's the other door 
Don't worry I haven't locked  you in

I  thought that was funny
And laughed
Oh I almost forgot
In between everything he told me that he was single
Get this
Only the last couple of weeks!
I was really surprised to hear this
As it's been more than that since he asked my neighbour about me
Red flags flying up all over the shop 

I made my way to the front door 
He leaned in again
Said he would text tomorrow
And I left
Oh my goodness 
I was glad to get back to the safety of my little car
I started the engine and made for home
Trying to process everything that had happened
I had to smile as I though back on the night
I'm not sure if I like him or not
I mean
He's definitely good looking
But I worried that he thought of me as a one night stand
As that was really the last thing I was looking for

I arrived home
My Mum had waited up 
I told her all about it
Omitting the fact that I had been pounced on
She told me that she had been half expecting me to arrive home early
Or not go through with it at all
It would have been easy to cancel 
But I don't get dates that often
And I really wanted to get out there in the big bad world
Really live
Really push my boundaries
And I sure as hell did that

My sister texted me
And I filled her in
She thought it was hilarious
And I guess it was kind of funny
Men are strange creatures for sure
I was all wound up when I got home 
And tried to relax with a cup of tea
But my mind just kept playing the nights events over in my head again and again
I went to bed 
Read for a while
And eventually drifted off to sleep 

So now it's morning
And I find myself hoping that he will text
Just to know that someone likes me would be enough
I mean he must have been attracted to me or he wouldn't have jumped me right?
Unless he was just looking for one thing
And I truly hope he wasn't
That is just not my style
And he's going to have to suck that up
I have no idea where this will lead 
I mean I'd like to see him again
I think 
But again
I'm expecting nothing
And not getting my hopes up

Gosh this past few days have been stressful
At least now I can relax today
Take my meds 
And have a day off
During the film I did wonder what he would make of me having the same issues as Amy
He strikes me as being really good, decent and clean
But I'm also glad I didn't tell him any of my past
That would have been way too heavy
But still
It's a worry 

I am just glad that I actually went on the date 
And that I made it out alive
It will be interesting to see if he texts or rings
Iive in hope.....

Thank you do very much for your support through all of this 
You guys have been a tower of strength
And I know I couldn't have done it without you
You are all shining stars 
Love you all to bits and pieces 


  1. I'm proud of you Ruby, you stuck to your guns, pushed him away and said no! And i'm proud of you for going in the first place. And I'm proud at how far you've come. I don't usually comment on blogs, but I had to say that.

    1. Hey Steph
      And thank you for commenting today
      Yes I am glad I put a stop to things
      I just wasn't comfortable
      And I hope he will realise that slowly, slowly wins the race
      I mean I have never done any of this stone cold sober
      It's amazingly awkward
      But hey
      I'm glad I went
      And we'll see what happens from here x

  2. WOW ruby you did it!
    And you did it stone cold sober!
    I think that's a total success.

    I don't like people who make a move too soon . But I suppose it means he thought you were a bit of alright! Having said that, I've probably been on 10 first dates and all but one were very gentlemanly and never even laid a hand on me at all. The one that did was a bit weird in fact. But that doesn't mean anything. The Plumber may have just been overly optimistic.

    Single a couple of weeks? Then again the previous relationship could have been on the rocks a long long time and he just kept your number "in case". He's allowed to do that, he may be very organised. On the other hand, he might not be good enough for you.

    nonetheless I'm really pleased for you Ruby

    XXX Shelby

    1. Oh and I'm SO pleased you wore blue!!!!

    2. Aw thanks Shelby
      Your support through this has meant so much to me
      Yes I was just talking to a recovery friend
      And he was saying how hard it is to do all this stone cold sober
      But it's also so much better I think
      Like when I was seeing The Boy
      It just felt all wrong
      I was lying and sneaking around
      And it made me feel really uneasy
      But last night felt right you know?

      I know right?
      Two weeks is not long
      And he asked my neighbour about me long before that
      So maybe as you say the relationship was over a while ago

      I am kind of hoping he'll ring today
      But don't want to get my hopes up too high
      But hey
      It's all experience
      And I'm so glad I went

      Hope you're well my dear Shelby x

  3. Also!! You really don't HAVE to tell everything. In time the truth will just kind of dribble out. It doesn't have to come out in one chunk. But also, your issues
    aren't all there is to you. You have a great vibrant personality, sense of humour, well traveled, seen a bit of life, lots of compassion. .. if you end up doing your course you can say that, too.

    Do you know I know a great guy, now married but if at one point he blurted out all his failings it would have given a very unfair picture of him.
    "I'm a single guy, I live at my Grandmother's, I've been unemployed for 8 years plus, I have had severe depression".

    Well the very next year he got a great job and became a head of his field, all the women were just kicking themselves they never snapped him up. He's a very talented compassionate family man now, so a "snapshot" in time doesn't mean much. He was so so much more, and so are you <3

    1. Dates are very hard sober. I agree with your friend. Also The Boy was no good. This is a much more adult situation, much better. It's so much more fun if you don't have to lie to anyone. Good or bad if no lies are involved you're already a winner.

    2. Yes and I can actually be up front and honest with my family about this
      This guy is someone I would happily bring home to meet my family

      I guess I will know when the time is right
      As my friend pointed out
      Everyone has a past
      And a story
      Mine is just a bit dramatic I suppose

      And yes
      I used to pour my heart out to anyone who would listen
      Now I know that I don't need to spill my guts the first time I meet someone
      There's plenty of time for that in the future
      That's if there is a future

      Thank you again Shelby
      So grateful to have you beautiful ladies to talk to
      You are my second family x

  4. I'm so freaking proud of you, that is all I have to say, I'm literally just bursting with pride and happiness for your amazing achievement! Love you millions xox

    1. Thanks hun
      I just had some bad news about it
      Am too upset to write about it now
      But I will tomorrow x

    2. Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear that Rubs. Are you ok. Keep yourself safe lovely. Remember that you are very much loved in this community and you're an important soul here. Look after yourself xox

  5. I have zero tolerance for cheating, but it sounds like even though he was interested in you, he held off until the other relationship was really over (a cheater who is into one night stands can easily overlap them). And despite moving quickly, it sounds like he respected it when you set boundaries (so long as he continues to respect those boundaries! you both need to be comfortable with what is going on).

    Red flags, maybe not. Yellow flags, probably - but I'm sure everyone has a few yellow flags hiding in the shadows. Continue to re-evaluate as you get to know him. I agree that it's very healthy that you are able to be open and honest with everyone in your life about what's going on. It's lovely to see you being brave and plowing into the unknown even though it's scary.

    1. I'm not sure what to think now Tempest
      I'm starting to think that it's not quite over with this girl
      Or maybe he was just after one thing
      I don't know x

  6. in rush but just to say exciting times! and you obviously made your boundaries clear and mr plumb respected that, well done ruby hope lots of fun to come jo xxx

    1. It's not going too well today Jo
      I will fill you in tomorrow
      I feel so deflated x

  7. Woop woop! Congrats Ruby! First dates are always nerve-wracking but I think you handled it amazingly, especially give the potentially triggering situation.

    And wow! I totally thought it was just gonna be a cup of tea. You're not wrong to expect good old fashioned manners. Then again, a 'cup of tea' can just be a polite way of saying it. Again, I think you dealt with it as best as you possibly could.

    I saw in your comment to Annie that you've had some upsetting news :( I hope you're okay. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts, and am always here if you want to talk about it.

    Lots of love and a big ol' hug <3

    1. Ha ha yeah. I thought it was a joke that "cup of tea" automatically meant "not just a cup of tea".

  8. Don't be down ruby. He's probably not the right one.
    He doesn't sound very considerate. Hope you OK.
    Xoxo shelby

  9. I hope you're doing okay Ruby.
    I am proud of your for going and putting yourself out there. It can't have been easy.
    You handled it well when he started going too far too fast. I glad he got the message.
    Give yourself some time to relax.
    Take care dear xx

    1. Thanks Anne
      Just updated today so as you probably know it went pear shaped
      Just trying to hold it together x


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