Friday, 28 August 2015

What next?

I'm about a year in to my recovery now
I  am weight restored
My mood is good
Anxiety under control
I feel strong 
I've just about recovered physically
And am on the way to becoming recovered mentally
Although I don't think I'll ever be fully recovered
But I'm hoping to be as well as I can possibly be 

Now that I'm feeling better
Now that I am no longer caught in a deadly game of life and death
I find myself wondering
What now?
What next?
What do I do now that I am feeling better?
My ED dominated my life for over ten years 
It was like a job
I worked all week ie restricting 
And at the end of the week I expected a big fat pay check ie weight loss
Then of course 
I had my addiction to contend with over the years
Which was also like a full time job

So now I find myself thinking 
Where do I go from here?
I wrote about starting a course
And I thought they was what I wanted to do
But if I am honest 
Business and computers are not my thing
They don't interest me
They don't capture my attention
I guess I would prefer to study something a bit more arty
That would suit my personality a bit more
So I've decided that I'm not going to do the course
Plus the fact that I will lose my disability benefit if I start the course
Everything is telling me not to do it
So I'm not going to

What are you going to do?
I hear you cry
Well I've decided for the next year
To concentrate on my recovery 

Prioritising my health and recovery
Focus on meetings and therapy
And also volunteer at my local dog shelter
I rang then today to inquire
And I'm going to see them next Thursday 
to fill out paper work
I am super duper excited about this 
I can't wait 
They mentioned that my main jobs will be walking and socialising the dogs
My idea of heaven!

In other news
I can't wait to get my next piercing done
But can't decide which one to get
Can any of you lovely ladies help me out with a suggestion
Inquiring minds want to know...


  1. Hi Ruby,
    I'm not into piercing so I can't comment on that but I am super excited for you about the work with dogs! And about being at that plateau and vista where you can consider the future. I remember what that was like, and send you lots of love.
    I think it's good not to rush things, and to go slow and steady - when things have been difficult for so long, it's best not to charge into taking more than one can handle.
    The work with dogs sounds LOVELY. I hope you have a huge amount of fun and joy there.

    1. I'm so excited too!
      I get to spend all day with dogs
      That is heaven to me
      I'll do one day a week to begin with and go from there
      Thanks for your support x

  2. I think it's great you'll be volunteering at the shelter. It will be good for you I think, having a job to do that's also something you enjoy.

    Concentrating on recovery is the most important thing. You've made an incredible amount of progress over the last year. Maybe think of some goals you'd like to achieve as far as further recovery? Like focus on one specific thing at a time and see how each thing goes. Like maybe try to go a day without purging and then see if you can make it two days, or something like that. It'll probably be the hardest thing to get rid of, but I also think it might be the most important, as it is the thing that will take the biggest toll on the body in the long run.

    Business and computers are not my thing either, I wish I could have stayed well away from both when I started working. I think you're right in your decision, to be honest. Don't devote time to something you're really not into. That's how I got stuck doing office work and now I'm not qualified to do anything else. :/

    1. That's exactly what I want to do Mich
      Concentrate on getting as well as I can
      Both in my addiction and ED
      And yes
      Getting on top of the purging is a big one
      It's not a huge problem anymore
      But it's still an issue
      And to conquer it would be amazing

      Oh yes you work in the legal world yes?
      Is there something else you'd like to be doing? X

  3. Ruby that's awesome that you're going to be working with the dogs, it will suit you to a tee! I'm so proud of you for enquiring about volunteering, you're going to be fantastic at it! I'm sure excited for you. It's also a brave decision to concentrate on recovery this year. That's what I'm doing too - we can fight together for our lives. Hmm piercings...have you had your belly button done? It doesn't hurt. Just a little sting and boom it's done. Or you could get upper cartilage done in your ears? That's not too painful. I'm excited to hear what you decide! Xx

    1. Thank you Annie
      I am super excited to start working in the shelter
      I just can't wait
      And knowing me
      I will want to take them all home with me!

      Yes Hun
      Let's do it together!
      You and me and recovery
      We can do it
      I know we can x

    2. Are you allowed to take pictures of the dogs in the shelter? I bet you'll be bringing some home with you ha ha! Little companion for Honey and Lea! I love how motivated you make me feel, so spurred on to keep fighting for recovery. I know we can do it too. Whoop whoop! X

  4. I'd say you could start reading, say history or psychology. that's very interesting. you could find your fun thing otherwise.

  5. volunteering at the shelter sounds perfect for you and still think you should try get on creative writing course or something as well. you have a real talent for it, jo xx

    1. I can't wait to start Jo
      I know this is right for me because I am so excited!
      And yes
      I will always write
      Whether for business or pleasure x

  6. I think that the main reason for you not wanting to do the course should be that you don't like the course, not the fact that your disability benefits will be cut. You can't stay on benefits forever Ruby, or else nothing changes and everything stays the same. Will you never work again, just so that you can stay on benefits? I know that life on benefits is someone 'cosy', in that you're getting money whilst being able to just do as you please each day and not think about the issue of working (and I mean, like not having to have the commitment of working, worrying that you'll become ill again, worrying about being good enough to do the job etc) but whilst you're avoiding stuff just so that you won't get your benefits cut, its as though you're not really living Ruby, just existing. I hope that makes sense? Not trying to be harsh or anything, just my thoughts, and I think volunteering at the shelter is a great first step. Who knows, it might lead to a paid position?! L xxx

    1. What a spot on, helpful and honest comment. i thought something similar when reading this post, but i did not dare to write it. I think this is such a kind courageous and good piece of advice, Ruby, this person must be a true friend, and i wish i had friends like these in times where i really needed someone to open my eyes instead of "sugarcoating" everything, because it is much easier and demand nothings. whoever wrote this, treasure her& her advice. I wish you all the best Ruby, your long time mostly silent reader



    2. To L and Julia,

      Thank you both for your honesty
      I appreciate it more than you know
      I have actually replied to your comments on today's post
      So I hope you get to see it x

  7. Hi Julia,

    Thank you so much for your words. When I read the first bit I thought 'oh no, she's being sarcastic saying that the post was helpful' and my heart jumped. But your comment was so lovely! I've lost a lof of friends due to being unwell myself and I'm just starting to get people back, so it was great to hear that I sound like a true friend. Thank you :)

    L xxx


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