Freedom to live

Today I am really struck by the freedom I have to live

Watching the crisis in Syria

And all those poor refugees 

I realise how lucky I am to live in a country where I am free to do as I please

But not just free from prosecution

I am free from the my own demons

The demons inside my head

The demons that drove me to the brink of death

Free from the drug that held me captive for so many years

I was a slave to that drug

And I never let myself forget how bad things were when I was addicted to heroin

Never 

And of course my ED

Bouncing from anorexia to bulimia and back again 

The scary thing about these disorders is that we don't realise how sick and near death we truly are

I am one of the lucky ones 

I made it out relatively unscathed 

I think our thirties are a time when things either get a lot better 

Or a lot worse

I guess it's when you really grow up

And become an adult

Addiction took so much out of me

The getting and using 

Finding ways and means to get drugs 

I had the energy for it in my twenties 

But now

No way 

I don't have the energy 

Or the inclination to chase the dragon

Heroin brought me to my knees 

And burned me out 

Mentally and physically

And throw in an ED

And I was broken 

It has taken until now 

Until I turn 34 

To put the pieces of the jigsaw that is my life back together 

This morning I woke up

With a roof over my head

In a dry bed 

In a warm house 

My dogs woke me up

WAnting to go outside 

I have no pressing worries

The only thing in my mind is my upcoming birthday

And the family dinner we will have

I get up 

Throw on a hoody and slippers

Let the dogs out 

Put the kettle on

And make some toast 

I look out the window 

And see the mountains just beyond the back garden 

Every window in my house is like a huge wide screen TV

Showing the beauty and wonder of this beautiful country

I turn on the radio

And settle down with my tea and toast

Like I said 

I have no worries

I am not strung out 

I am not gasping for a drink or drug

I'm not weak from lack of food 

My body and mind are healthy 

My inner critic is silent 

I am at peace 

After a while 

I make my Mum breakfast and bring it down to her in bed 

Honey comes too

And Lea waits in the car

I chat with Mum a while 

Then I get dressed 

I am lucky enough to have plenty of nice clothing 

I scrub up well if I make an effort

Next I go and call my sister

She sleep upstairs

I think about how glad I am to have her home

After being in Australia for 12 years

How great it is to talk to her when ever I want

When we all ready 

We all pile in to my sisters car 

My Mum and sister in the front

Me and Honey and Lea in the back

We drive to the beach

For a brisk walk

As I watch the dogs running so freely 

And having a great time 

I think about how lucky I am to have such amazing dogs 

And how they have helped me so very much

They truly are my best friends 

We walk the beach

Then head down to the village

We visit the peace garden 

Which is so quiet and peaceful

We run our hands along the lavender

And cup them around our noses to inhale  the scent 

We sit on the bench in silence for a few moments 

And just for that minute

Everything is ok

And exactly how it should be

It's no fluke 

Or freak of nature that I am the way I am

I come from a long line of people who suffer from addiction and mental health issues

There are six in my family

Four of us have suffererd  with these issues

A few years ago

All four of us were in active addiction

It was a living nightmare

But now 

All four of us are clean and sober and well

And that is nothing short of a miracle

Today I am grateful

So very grateful

For coming through what I've been through

For making it out the other side

Along with my family 

I am grateful for the lessons I have learned along the way

I am grateful that I live in a country where freedom is a given

And I can live the way I want to

I am grateful for the people I have in my life 

My family whose unwavering support has seen me through so many bad times

The friends who have stood by me through it all

I am grateful for the professionals in my life 

My doctor

Mary

Breda

My psychiatrist 

Who have gone above and beyond their duty to help me

I am grateful to have two amazing dogs 

Who are always by my side

And have been there for me for the past ten years 

I am grateful for my health

Given all I have put my body through 

I know I am blessed to be as healthy as I am

I am grateful for my recovery 

For my peace of mind 

For my drive and determination for a better life

I am grateful that I was hand picked to be in recovery

That I have a second chance at life

I am grateful that I have a roof over my head

Food in my fridge

And a car to drive 

I am grateful to be part of this community

To call you all friends

For you to be part of my story

And for me to be part of yours

It's very easy to cruise along

Taking life for granted 

But today 

Today I am really feeling the gratitude 

They say to be happy 

You need to want what you have

Not have what you want

And I have a lot

More than a lot of people

I am so grateful for that 

Here are some pics from today....