Friday, 23 October 2015

Community

I write this comment a very bruised Ruby
I made a mistake
I should not have written my last post
I should not have publicly tried to sort out my issues with Marla publicly on my blog 
It was a knee jerk reaction
I felt hurt that I was accused of writing specifically for comments
And lashed out 
Now I fear an innocent person has been hurt 
Of course
Everyone is entitled to their opinion 
But I took offence to this comment
And write my post in a flurry of hurt 
I don't think I should have done that

Then of course
You
My loyal friends
Jumped to my defence 
And I know Marla felt that we ganged up on her 
And for that I feel sick
My blog is supposed to be a safe place 
A place where the truth is told 
Even if it is difficult to hear
As Jo wrote yesterday 
We are all in the same boat 
We should be pulling together 
Not falling apart
I appreciate you all standing up for me
But I don't feel right about the way I handled this situation 
I hurt someone 
And thdt is not ok with me 
I don't know where to go from here 

7 comments:

  1. I think it highlights a key and critical issue with blogs and comments, and not just this specific incident but previous others eg the driving one. I believe most people read because they are interested and may be seeking some motivation or reassurance they are not alone in the world or just to learn more about certain experiences. However, when you are as honest as you are, things come up that may create a great discomfort within people (I'm thinking misusing medication, driving, shoplifting). Sometimes people will ignore it. Sometimes people will just stop reading and sometimes people will be irked enough to make a comment- who knows, maybe they lost a friend to an uninsured driver in a car crash or maybe their lives have been deeply affected by someone in their family on methadone and seemingly "having their cake and eating it". And more recently, maybe some people are wondering why you don't do things eg course, volunteering, writing and may feel you seek reassurance that you're ok as you are (which you've done well to get to) and don't need to do anymore. With economics as they are, I imagine for some it is gauling to see you seemingly "having it easy" when they fight to get any support. Maybe this recent commenter has read all your posts which frequently list all your history and wonders why you continue to seek reassurance. You may not be. But I can see why it comes across that way. And as someone who is not part of this "community" myself, it feels very much like one I'm not sure I'd like to be a part of. People seem stuck and maybe there is comfort in that too, that everyone else remains stuck and fiercely defends one another- who wouldn't want someone on side?
    I guess what I've really I articulately tried to say is that things trigger people and can really upset people and so the comment about it but then feel attacked. And then you get stuck in no one commenting who has a differing opinion to the "community" and everyone just reinforcing that all that you all do is just fine. I probably haven't explained this well. My intent is not to make you feel bad, but to explain that some things you do or say, as with every single person in life, will upset or hurt or anger others. And some may feel they want to comment on it to ask you about it or to encourage you to think about things a bit more carefully. Does this make any sense?!

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    1. You make perfect sense
      It's food for thought.
      Thank you for this x

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  2. I think there's something to be said for examining whether you are complacent and whether your "community" enables complacency.

    But I think it's foolish and immature to come into a social environment, needle someone, then act like a victim when others get irritated or disagree with you at all. Anon or not, if she felt you overreacted to her comment, it's odd that she's so determined to overreact to everyone else's.

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  3. Poor Marla!

    I agree with her. Compliments do us no good. Also as you know as an inpatient many anorexic patients do play a lot of games. Not just with themselves but others...eg who is the sickest/youngest/"most innocent"/nicest and are compliment junkies which just feeds into the shaky sense of self.

    However we all need a lottle encouragement.

    Maybe Marla was wise to be awake to the fine line therein.

    X

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    Replies
    1. Having said that i have never really felt you seek out a sycophantic following. X

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