General update

Just a little post to let you know how things are going at the moment

We are getting work done on our kitchen at the moment

A new wood floor in the sitting area

And the work top in the kitchen is being extended

Needless to say

The house is completely upside down

Workmen in and out of the house

A thick layer of dust over everything 

The dogs are totally confused

The kitchen and utility room are their rooms really 

So now they've been taken over

There is no where for them to go 

So Lea sits in my car 

And Honey wanders around the garden like a little lost soul 

The weather is miserable at the moment 

Very fitting for November 

We've had to move everything out of the kitchen

So we are making tea and such in my bedroom

That suits me just fine as I drink copious amounts of tea 

Anyway 

It will be worth it when the kitchen is done

There will be air more room and space

So we will concentrate on that 

This morning 

My sister and I got up early 

About 7am

Brought the dogs for a walk 

And then went swimming 

We have been meaning to go swimming for months 

And finally went this morning 

I used to go swimming a lot last year 

As with a lot of things 

I am all or nothing 

I used to swim five times a week 

Then one day I stopped going 

And haven't been since 

I must admit 

I didn't really want to go swimming this morning 

I just couldn't find the motivation

But my sister talked me into it

So I went 

Part of the reason I didn't want to go swimming 

Is that I didn't want to see myself in a swimming suit 

And didn't want others to see me either 

But I figured we were very early so we might not meet anyone else

We arrived at the pool at about 8 30am

There was dance music being piped in to the changing rooms

So my sister and I had a morning rave 

Which was fun 

Then it was time to strip 

And make our way out to the pool 

Getting in is the worst part

I was freezing 

But 

I jumped in 

And soon got used to the water 

Once I was in

I really enjoyed it 

I usually swim about 140 lengths

But I wanted to ease in to it today

So I was happy having done 80

As I got out of the water

I caught sight of myself in a glass door

To my surprise 

I didn't look too bad 

I still have a bit of colour on my skin

I look healthy 

Curvy

Like a 34 year old woman should 

From shopping the other day

I know what size I am

I tried on clothes in size 8, 10 and 12

And I would say that I am in fact a 9

Somewhere between 8 and 10 is perfect for me 

And of course 

It depends on the shop

Sizes can differ greatly from brand to brand 

So yes 

I think I am ok with my body 

I don't love it

But I don't hate it the way I used to 

It is what it is 

And I can live with it 

Just about 

I must admit 

Curiousity has got the better of me recently 

And I have weighed myself a few times 

My weight seems to have stabilised 

And I am happy enough at a BMI of 20 - 22

As someone once said to me 

If my clothes fit 

If my hair and nails are healthy 

And if I feel good 

Then it doesn't really matter what my weight is 

And anyway 

Apart from myself 

I don't think any one gives a flying f**k what weight I am 

They care that I am healthy and happy 

Not that I weigh X kilos 

Or that I am a certain clothes size

I don't know

Maybe it's my age 

Or maybe it's my recovery 

But as I get older

I care less and less what people think of me

And I am also becoming less judgmental 

Of others 

You weigh this amount?

That's cool 

As long as you are happy and healthy

It doesn't effect me 

You smoke?

That's cool too 

It doesn't effect me

You rock a faceful of piercings?

More power to you 

Whatever works for you 

You wear nine inch heel thigh high boots?

Go for it!

You are braver than me 

I don't care if you shave your head

Grow a beard 

Have various body modifications 

If you wear skin tight leather pants 

Or don't wear clothes at all 

I say cool!

What ever works for you

And whatever you feel comfortable in 

I support whatever decision you want to make for your health and happiness 

In other news

My Mother is still holding on to my meds

And that is working quite well

It hasnt been perfect every single day

But it's a lot better than it was

And I am doing my best 

I haven't gone to a meeting yet 

And the thought of going is very overwhelming 

But 

I still plan to go

If I could just get there 

And get my ass out the door 

I get very anxious when I think of going

I know I don't have to speak if I don't want to 

But if I go

I want to speak 

But that is putting pressure on myself 

And I can't help doing that 

I also know that it would help me to go 

Just for my head

And for peace of mind 

I will try to go

I really will 

That's really all for now folks 

I hope you have a lovely Friday

And see you on the next post....